He.makes.all.things.new

i wish...

2012-01-30T16:28:00.000-08:00

I wish that brownies were calorie free, and were instead very, very good for you...

I wish that the word "mojo" didn't have such a sexual connotation to it, because it's the best word to describe what I felt like I got back yesterday. (I feel fairly confident that I looked good yesterday, confirmed by a guy friend who stared at me for a moment before he found words to say...which were that I looked "sporty" and "looked good". By the way, I think the word sporty was not the word he was going for.)

I wish nap times were part of every work day.

I wish that I appreciated waking up early more. I love the idea of getting up early with a cup of coffee and just hanging out with Jesus. When faced with the reality of the morning, that idea somehow seems sadly much less appealing.

I wish that I was better at living like I am saved than I am. People know I am a Christian, but it doesn't seem to make as much of an impact as I'd like to see.

I wish I had the resources to make sure everyone was fed and clothed and sheltered. I do what I can, but some days it doesn't seem to be enough.

I wish that my laundry would put itself away. :)

Just some random wishes for a Monday afternoon. Hope your week is off to a great start!

hello 2012

2012-01-19T22:23:00.000-08:00

So. It's been a while *cough almost a month cough* since I've posted here. The good news is that I have been busy running around and enjoying myself. Since day 1 of 2012, things have been exciting and I have hopes that this year could be really great.

A snapshot of the Rose Parade!

-I went to the Rose Parade for the first time ever. Not only did I go, but I full on camped out on the streets of Pasadena with a few of my close friends and got front row seats. It was an experience of a lifetime and I had such a great time doing it!

-Remember when I did that list of things called "ten days. ten secrets."? Well, the possibility of being able to collaborate in a band came up...and although it hasn't come to fruition yet, I am super honored and floored by the consideration. I think of Taylor Swift's video where she keeps saying "it's my dream".

-I've begun to see God unfold what He spoke to me about 2012 and it being a year of depth. I love that my relationship with Him is getting deeper and deeper, and He is showing me how to have better relationships with my friends and family. I've been having a lot of fun spending time with people I care about and expanding new friendships.

-I've recently come to the conclusion that I could easily be a vegetarian. I won't but I could. It's amazing though how healthy food can still be pretty tasty!

I hope 2012 has started off well for you! I promise I won't stay away so long next time ;)

award!!!

2012-01-19T21:36:00.000-08:00

I got my first blog award the other day from the lovely Emily at Amazing Grapes...it's called the Liebster Award. It goes to anyone who has under 200 followers who deserves a little more recognition. And she picked me!

The rules of said award are as follows:
1. Show your thanks by linking to the award giver.
2. Leave links to 5 of your top blogs and leave a sweet comment letting them know.
3. Post the award on your blog.
4. Enjoy and bask in the love.

Sadly, I follow only a few smaller blogs. It doesn't mean that my choices are any less significant and as I introduce them, I hope you see why.

Katie at Concrete and Grace: Katie is a dear friend of mine whose wit far surpasses mine. She doesn't blog often but I always enjoy her postings. She has a way with words and a clever view on life. And I love her bunches and bunches!

Christianna at The Girl with the Blue Bow: I met this girl in a hip hop class and instantly liked her! She's clever and artsy and talented...and her blog is a reflection of all of that! Her blog is well on its way to being over 200 followers, but I am proud to be one of her first. :)

Anne Therese at Then Writes my Soul: Anne Therese was my first friend here in SLO, and is an incredible woman of worship. She also doesn't post often, but each of her posts speak deeply to me. She's wise and gifted, and I love reading her blog!

Ashley at Episodes of a Mixed Girl: I am not sure how we connected, but this girl is fun! Maybe it's because she's from the Carolinas (an area near and dear to my heart...and stomach, hee hee) but I like what she has to say!

Hannah at One and Only: This girl is a fellow NEEDTOBREATHE fan, and that is how I "met" her. She's got great stories to tell and I love her photography! Check her out!

There you go, folks! An award brought me out of my blog drought. And I am happy to share the love. I'll be back shortly with an update on the big L-I-F-E!

put me in coach

2011-12-24T00:23:00.000-08:00

It was twelve years ago that I was on the cusp of starting my last relationship. It ended just a few months later. Little did I know at the time that God was going to put me on the dating sidelines...for twelve years.

For most of those years, especially the earlier ones, I am so grateful He did. The “relationships” I had been in were not ones worthy of really remembering...let alone desiring repeats of. They weren’t terrible...but the truth is, if I had it to do all over again, I would’ve just waited.

About halfway through this waiting period, God showed me a little bit of why He was having me wait. I had just had my heart broken in a friendship where I was misled, and after bringing some healing, God asked me to write a list of traits I wanted in a husband. What amazed me was that there were things on my list that the guy I was getting over didn’t have. We’re not talking unreachable, high expectations...a list of things that no guy could ever achieve. Real things. Things that were important to me.

In the last few years, I’ve gotten to know who I am. I am pretty confident in who God has made me to be, even though there are still lots of pieces to the puzzle for me to figure out and put together. God knew it would take twelve years...and possibly more.

I’ve had more than a fair share of arguments with God about His timing...particularly in this area. I had a plan...and that plan was that I would meet Mr. Right in college, graduate, and get married. I would start having kids at age 25. I think one of the hardest parts of letting go of that plan was the realization that when I lost my mom to cancer at age 25, I knew she would not know my husband or kids. That was a tough one to swallow. I like plans. And I especially like when they work out. There is a certain security in that. Instead, those plans are in the wind and I have no idea where the master plan is leading me.

Part of me is afraid. Afraid that I won’t know what to do when pursuit begins. Afraid that it might not happen. Afraid that I don’t know how to have a real relationship. I’ve gotten really good at being a friend. I don’t remember what it’s like to be anything more.

God’s got me on the sidelines. But I also know He’s the kind of coach that knows when it is time to put me in the game. I have to trust in His training so that when the moment comes, I’ll be ready. I’ll be able to say, “Put me in coach.”

(I think all this came up because I read Ruth today. It was the next part of my reading plan. Go figure.)

merry CHRISTmas!

2011-12-23T13:04:00.000-08:00

I just want to wish you all a wonderful Christmas...may you enjoy time with friends and family, be blessed by the gifts, food and fun, and most of all, know how much God loves you. He sent His Son to save us! What a beautiful thing to celebrate!

Leaving you with a few favorite Christmas videos:

quiet faith

2011-12-20T22:03:00.000-08:00

Tonight I watched The Nativity Story with some friends, and we were asked what struck us most about the movie. Of course, it being the story of Christ's birth, it shares a powerful moment wrapped in humble beginnings. What spoke to me most was Mary's faith. Her quiet, steadfast faith. That immediately her response to the angel revealing the wondrous news that she would give birth to the Son of God was, "I am the Lord’s servant. May your word to me be fulfilled." To be honest, I think I'd freak out. If not in that moment, perhaps when I faced the possibility of being stoned for being pregnant before I was married. But Mary believed. She trusted that God who brought her to this would walk her through it.

One of the most impacting verses is the one Elizabeth speaks about her- "And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord." (Luke 1:45) We are blessed when we believe that there will be a fulfillment of what God speaks to us. Another verse says a similar thing- "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6) It points out two things. That we must believe that God exists AND that He wants to bless us. That He wants to fulfill what He has spoken to us. So, why, oh why do I doubt?

Mary spoke to me so much because I want to be like her. It wasn't that she was fearless. Instead, despite her fear, she stood firm in what God told her. She trusted Him. That is one of the biggest things I want to move forward through in 2012. A deeper relationship with God where my trust expands and is rooted. Where even if my circumstances place me on shaky ground, I will stand firm. What a powerful thing.

awkward/awesome

2011-12-19T16:12:00.000-08:00

Because there have been some great awkward/awesome situations in my life lately, I thought I'd share...

Awesome: Being one of the first few people at our office white elephant exchange party to get to pick a gift...it meant I had the potential of having my hands on several gift choices!

Awkward: Grabbing a bag because I think it has wine in it. Instead, it had a shake weight inside. I am instantly feeling awkward about this and turn bright red. Everyone laughs.

Awesome: Someone steals the shake weight! I get to pick a new gift.

Awkward: It turns out to be this gift...

Yeah, it says "expose yourself to art". Sooooo awkward!

Awesome: Someone steals it from me (yay!) and I steal a bottle of wine that has been stolen enough times that I got to keep it. Happy.

Awkward: On my on-call shift, I had so many call outs that I worked two extra shifts...I was so exhausted that when I showed up to my work Christmas party and people asked me how I was, I started to cry.

Awesome: Because I had to work so much, I got a four day weekend out of the deal!

Awesome: Hearing two really great messages at church for two weeks in a row and it speaking to your heart so much that you decide to update your status to reflect part of the message.

Awkward: Writing the status in such a way that no one who wasn't at the same services as you got it...and wrote concerned messages. *Note to self, explain slightly ambiguous statuses in the future.

Awkward AND awesome: The picture my roommate and I used for this year's Christmas card.

Awkward and awesome: Having such a loud voice that your pastor points at you and wants you to sing as loud as you can because you can...because the group of people you are singing with are not quite loud enough (though we sounded amazing!) and he wants us to be heard.

Awkward: Loving a band so much that you go by yourself to see them...for the second week in a row.

Awesome: Running into people you know, and one of them giving you cake that she made for the band because it was extra. It was DELISH. Oh and the band. History of Painters. Check them out. :)

Awkward and awesome: Realizing that you can do your grocery shopping, finish Christmas shopping, get birthday gifts and a baby shower gift all in one trip...at Target. It seems wrong, but it's so right!

Awesome: Going for my first run since Thanksgiving and running a mile!

Awkward: Seeing as I am running, a cat almost getting run over by a car, THEN the cat nearly running me over...not kidding. It was running so fast that it lost control and almost flew right into my path. I had to stop and laugh for two seconds.

Share with me some of your favorite awkward and awesome moments of the season...it's good to laugh!

holiday inn & love

2011-12-12T15:01:00.000-08:00

So, in the spirit of Christmas, my friends and I are all about watching movies that involve Christmas! Yesterday, the movie of choice was Holiday Inn. If you haven't seen it, it is a lovely black and white film about love and its pursuit, all splashed with singing and dancing! Of course, watching this movie spurred on lots of "that's how to win your wife" comments...mostly aimed at my friend Estevan, since he was the only male present. Haha.

This movie inspired the quote on my Facebook page yesterday as well, "You could melt her heart like butter, if you'd only turn on the heat!" So, I thought it would be kind of fun to write a post about things men can do to melt a girl's heart, some from the movie, some from life experience...at least in my (humble) point of view. :) (in no particular order)

1. Sing. Dance. Use what ever romantic talent you have (drawing, writing, etc.).
In the movie "Holiday Inn", it opens with this song "I'll Capture Your Heart Singing". It definitely has truth to it. Bing Crosby had the whole group of us ladies swooning with his voice, and Fred Astaire with his dancing. Anyway, something worth noting.

2. Walk ladies to their car when they leave, especially at night, regardless of being interested in them.
You see, not only does this make the lady friends in your life feel protected, it makes you look good. It shows you are a gentleman interested in ensuring they are safe. If the girl you are interested is around when you do this, they will notice. If they are not, her friends who are there will. It's a win-win. Same with opening doors, offering to carry things for them, helping them down stairs or down potentially slippery surfaces, offering to check the fluids in the car before a road trip if she's driving...all things note-worthy over the years.

3. Notice children around you. Get down to their level, play with them, hold them, be their friends.
If you do this, most women will take note and assume that you will be a good dad. You can't fake this though. If kids freak you out, we will notice. But if you really do like kids and want to have your own one day, practice now. This makes you look really good.

4. Compliment her.
Did she just get her hair done? Do you like her outfit that day? Tell her! Tell your lady friends too. Some of my favorite compliments have come from just friends...it is a great encouragement! My favorite was when a guy friend was writing out a name tag for me and wrote "MODEL", then asked, "Is that how it's spelled?" And you can practice on your lady friends...so it doesn't come across as awkward when you compliment the one you have your eyes on.

5. Pay attention to her life and ask her about things (i.e. trips, important events in her life).
This is good because A) it shows you are paying attention and B) it shows you care. It also creates more topics to talk to her about!

6. Laugh at her jokes.
Nothing is worse (for me) when I get a blank stare after telling a joke. Even if it is a terribly cheesy joke. It just stops the flow. Hopefully, you find her funny.

7. Pursue, pursue, pursue.
Mamie in Holiday Inn gives Bing's character quite a speech about pursuing the woman he loves, pretty much ending with the butter quote. And it's true. I'll say it over and over, women want to and need to be pursued. A note of caution for guys though: make sure you are clear about your intentions. When pursuing friendship with any woman, especially if you only want to be friends with them (!!!), make sure that somewhere along the line you let them know your intentions. We don't expect you to know right away, nor that declaration to come too quickly, but be clear. And don't be afraid to be clear. When we know what to expect, we feel at peace. (See #2 about protecting women). So, be bold and pursue!

Christmas hymns

2011-12-08T21:58:00.001-08:00

(The idea for this post came from my cell group leader, Kristen, who had us read out loud our favorite hymns as we meet this week. It was really impacting...)

What is your favorite Christmas hymn? What makes it your favorite? Well, mine is "O Holy Night". I've loved it for many years, and it was my first solo in choir in high school. It's melody reflects the power of the words. But even I, over the years, had forgotten to really read the words and take in the depth of their meaning.

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angels' voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born;

O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,

Here come the wise men from Orient land.

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;

In all our trials born to be our friend.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,

Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!

Behold your King, Before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

I put in bold a few of my favorite lines. What Jesus did through His birth, and later His death, is so incredibly powerful. He has broken every chain, every curse, and has set us free. He is our friend. Because of that, we can worship.

Someone else had picked "Joy to the World". And I wanted to leave you with some of those lyrics. These were the ones that jumped out at me as what I needed to hear...

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

So, I'd love to hear what your favorite one is...but after you go and read the lyrics. You'll be blessed even more by its message, and I would love to hear what God shows you!

grownup Christmas list

2011-12-06T19:41:00.001-08:00

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!

And the funny thing is...I am WAY more excited about buying and giving others gifts than getting them. In fact, I am having a hard time coming up with ideas of things I want. I just bought the lens I wanted...because my awesome friend Jess is selling hers for way cheaper than retail price...and so that left a few ideas. Have you ever felt like that? Like you are pretty satisfied with what you have and don't really need/want a whole lot? I mean, sure, I probably could come up with some ridiculous list of things that would be fun to have but that I don't really need.

Most of the things on my list are things I need to buy eventually because they are dying, old, or already dead and I am borrowing a roommate's (shout out to Steph!). Without further adieu, here is my fairly practical if-I-don't-get-these-I'll-eventually-cave-and-buy-them-for-myself list of gifts:

A Chi hair straightener. Mine died in St. Louis. No joke.

There is no good reason why I don't already own this movie.

Um, how cool is this 2-way coffee maker?!


And although my dryer is not dead yet...I'm afraid it will be soon.

So there it is. My list. I guess if The Help and Courageous are out (movies) before Christmas, I want those too. The Muppets movie too but that definitely won't be out. I haven't gotten boring in my old age, have I? ;)

worst case scenario

2011-12-03T17:47:00.001-08:00

Today I had to tell myself out LOUD that my life is not full of worst case scenarios. Have you ever had those thoughts? "Oh, that person didn't hug me today, must be mad at me." "That person hasn't talked to me in weeks...must not like me after all." "Why is that person calling me? Must be fill-in-whatever-negative-thought-fits..."

Oh, am I the only one who has these thoughts? Well, today when I realized that the person who was calling me this morning was not calling because I missed choir practice this morning and am now no longer in the choir....BUT for a totally normal reason, I had to tell myself out loud that I had to stop thinking everything is a worst case scenario.

It's a revelation that shows where I am missing grace in my life. Where I am living in fear. "God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." 1 John 4:16-18 I need to be surrounded by God's perfect love. Anyone else?

sometimes/always

2011-11-21T14:58:00.001-08:00

A new blogger friend, Megan, has recently taken to writing these sometimes/always posts, and I thought it would be fun! Feel free to steal the idea :)

Sometimes: I try and get up early to exercise/do something productive/get to work early.
Always: I snooze till I "have" to get up.

Sometimes: I want to put all my laundry away as soon as it's done.
Always: Some/all of it waits to be put away (on my chair or in the basket) until I get tired of seeing it.

Sometimes: I wish my roommate's cat would be less needy.
Always: I give in and at least let him lay next to me...

Sometimes: I forget to read my devotional in the morning.
Always: I can tell a difference in my thoughts/attitude/feelings when I do.

Sometimes: I wish I could spend a whole year traveling the world.
Always: I realize I can only handle leaving home for short spurts. I am a homebody.

Sometimes: I want to paint my fingernails.
Always: I remember how quickly they chip/how annoying that is, and opt not to.

Sometimes: I go to coffee shops and think I'm going to try something new.
Always: I order what I know I like.

in the fog

2011-11-16T21:49:00.001-08:00

On the second flight on my way home from NY, we were about to land in L.A. when I noticed that we were flying blindly through the layer of fog. For a moment, I felt my stomach turn with the realization that the pilots couldn't see a thing. Of course, I quickly remembered the gadgets and gizmos with radar that keep the pilots not only flying in the right direction, but also keep them from crashing into other planes, much to my relief.

In that moment, I realized that faith is a lot like flying in the fog. You can't see right in front of you, can't see for sure that you are headed in the right direction. But you have tools to make sure you get to the destination promised to you. You have God's word that you can lean on even if you can't see the next step in front of you. You know that if He's promised something, He'll get you to that promise. We have a choice to use the instruments God has given us to get there or we can just freak out.

I'm glad the pilots don't freak out when they fly into the clouds. They remain calm and trust in the tools they've been given. Could you imagine the havoc that would ensue if all of a sudden they got on the intercom and screamed, "We CAN'T SEE, we can't see!!! We're gonna diiiiiiiiiiieeeee!"? And yet, sometimes, I have that kind of reaction when God removes my ability to control or see the path I am taking to the fulfillment of His promise. Instead of letting the fog drive me to fear, it should drive me to rely what He's given me so I can arrive with grace. A smooth landing, you could say.

I love when God uses little pictures to teach lessons, don't you?

preach the gospel 316

2011-10-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

Hey there friends! As you know, I am not above shamelessly promoting things I am passionate about...which up till now generally have been music related (ahem, cough NEEDTOBREATHE cough cough). Well, today I would like to introduce you to George Azar, owner and creative mind behind Preach the Gospel 316. I recently met him through a mutual friend, and there were three things that struck me about him: 1) this guy LOVES Jesus 2) he is probably the happiest person I have ever met 3) give him 2 minutes and he'll be your friend. Add all these things to a God-given vision and you have a business that is inspired.

Anyway, I have never done an interview on here before, but I am happy to make George hopefully the first of many! Here we go!

>>Tell us a little bit about yourself.

"Oh man, where do I begin! I am currently a bible college student who serves on staff part time at my church. I also work part-time at Costco as my “tent making” job.

There is nothing I love doing more on my free-time than to hang out with people. I love getting to know people and to see them grow in the Lord. I also LOVE to laugh! I enjoy clean humor and desire to see more solid, funny Christian comedy!"

>>What inspired you to start your own business?
"I always had the desire to start my own business. Since I was a little kid, I knew that hiding behind the grasp of another’s provision wasn’t my cup of tea. I desired at a very young age to start a coffee shop, but once the Lord grabbed a hold of me, He began to refine my desires as He grew me in His word. About 3 years ago, I was given the opportunity to learn about graphic design at a graphics firm. It was then I realized my love was in the arts and desired to start a shirt company. “Oh sure it will be Christian, but I want to design shirts,” was my thought. About a year later, I lost my job and was on a “graphics block.” The Lord literally stopped my creative flow as He channeled my waters elsewhere. It was in this time I came to know the Lord in a deeper way as He cultivated a heart inside of me for the gospel going forth through an internship I did with my church. About a year ago, the Lord gave me my creative streak back as I was asked to design a flier for the high school group. It was shortly after that the Lord placed the shirt business back on my heart as Preach the Gospel 316 was born March 28, 2011."

>>Tell us the heart behind Preach the Gospel 316.

"The sole purpose of Preach the Gospel 316 is to further the good news of Jesus Christ by boldly demonstrating your faith through apparel. My heart for this business is that Jesus Christ solely gets the glory as I am merely the pen in His hands. Preach the Gospel 316 is what I like to call a profit, non-profit business. Let me explain...all funds that come into the business are then turned around to fund other aspects of the business. Whether it be producing more designs or giving to gospel-centered ministries, I do not draw any personal profit from the business (hence the “tent making” job at Costco)."

>>What is your favorite part of running this business/ministry?

"I would have to say the best part of running this business is being able to attend events. I have met some extraordinary people who have such a love and passion for Jesus! Every time I get to go to a show, I become more inspired as I am given the opportunity to meet some amazing people."

>>Which is your favorite shirt and why?

"I would have to say my favorite shirt is “Preach the Gospel.” This shirt is a symbol to me in so many ways. This was the very first design I was able to produce by the Lord’s grace for this business. It also contains my utmost favorite city, San Francisco. My love and passion to see the gospel go forth in “The City” is one I cannot claim as my own, but given to me by the Lord. This shirt symbolizes the simplicity in sharing your faith by using the gifts the Lord has given you and the passion in sharing His good news!"

>>If you could pick one famous person to wear one of your shirts for a day, who would it be?

"I would love to see Lecrae wearing one of my shirts because he shares the same desire I do: to see the gospel of Jesus Christ go forth regardless of social pressures! Lecrae’s music has been a motivation for me to continue to seek the only thing worth seeking: Jesus Christ! If he was to wear one of my shirts, it would only be confirmation of our co-laboring for the gospel’s sake."

>>If time and money were no object, what would you like to do, either with this business or beyond?

"My desire is to become a pastor, but in regards to the business, I would love to see the business grow throughout the nation and world. I would love to see the good news of Jesus Christ boldly demonstrated for all to see as people are presented with the opportunity to meet their maker and lover. I have seen so many shirt companies start off with good motives, yet have sold out to the culture as the message of Jesus is drowned out by artistic expressions. I would love to see this business become larger and bolder for the glory of God!"

>>Who are some people you look up to and why?

"There are two people who come to mind: Pastor Jack Arnold and Pastor Britt Merrick

My Pastor (Jack Arnold) has been the greatest example to me as a pastor who loves his flock and desires to see people raised up. I have personally been a partaker of his pastoring as a year ago he asked me to oversee our outreach ministry. Since that time, he has poured into me as Paul poured into Timothy. Pastor Jack became our senior pastor a year and a half ago when our former senior pastor was called to London to start a fellowship there. In the short amount of time as senior pastor, I have seen Pastor Jack used phenomenally for the kingdom of Christ as he serves as a living example of Christ’s power administered through His elect. His love to see pastors raised up has been inspiring and I am completely and utterly grateful for his reckless abandonment to Jesus Christ!

Pastor Britt Merrick comes to mind as well because he was the pastor I was raised up under as a new believer. The Lord used him to set the foundation in my life and gave me a solid Biblical perspective on topical issues concerning the Christian life. To this day, I can remember the moment I approached Pastor Britt about my desire to attend Bible college and become a pastor. He confirmed my desire and built me up in guiding me in the direction to peruse a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. His unwavering love and encouragement towards me has served as a fundamental foundation in who I am today. I still listen to his podcasts to this day as the Lord ministers exactly what I need to hear through him. Thank you Pastor Britt for your example and surrender to Jesus!"

So there you have it, folks. I love that there are so many great ways to share the gospel! Check out his website (see button below), like it on Facebook or follow on Twitter! More importantly, check out his shirts and buy one, or two or three and use it to start a conversation. You never know what great life changes could happen as a result!

ain't gonna stop...

2011-10-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

On my way home tonight, I was praying for a friend who doesn't know God the way I do, whose life hasn't yet been deeply touched by Him. I was praying for her to encounter His heart, because I know it would change her life. I've prayed this for a lot of people over the years, and haven't always seen the results that I hoped for. As Christians, we are called to share Jesus with others, to serve and to love...even if we don't see the results. I had NEEDTOBREATHE playing in the car and as I pulled up to my house, these lyrics were speaking to my heart...

"All of this work and I ain't seein' any wages,

I ain't gonna stop until I do"

Jesus said, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Ministering to people is work, work that Jesus highly valued. And sometimes when we don't see people respond the way we hoped, we get discouraged. We forget that it's not up to us to make people respond. I felt encouraged by those lyrics...that all Jesus wants us to do is go out there and work. There is a harvest out there, even if we won't see the fruit of it until we are in heaven. I have been given the greatest gift, that is salvation and forgiveness, and I don't want anyone to miss out on the opportunity to receive it too. So, like the song says, I ain't gonna stop until I do.

guilty.

2011-10-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

Who here has ever doubted God's promises for their lives? Who here has ever chosen to lean on their emotions or circumstances instead of God's word? Who here has ever made decisions that would in effect sabotage themselves so that they had something to blame when things failed? Who here struggles to dream bigger than the things they themselves can accomplish?

Guilty, guilty, guilty, GUILTY.

Who's with me? Yeah? So, this Sunday, the words my pastors shared were a breath of fresh air. The first words that stuck were JUST BELIEVE. As Christians, we are not called to work out all of the details and make things happen. We are to just believe that God is faithful to His promises, and the rest will begin to fall into place. So many times I try to plan things out, and stress as I watch them often unfold differently than "the plan". If only I'd remember what God says about that, "The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9 I need to let the Lord direct me...not the other way.

And then the other word shared was STOP LIMITING GOD. (guilty?!) It's amazing when I step back and see how often I try and limit God. It isn't that God is bound by what we believe...He can do anything. But when we hold Him at a distance and don't allow Him the room to move in our lives, He is limited. He's not going to barge in and force us to take the gifts. That's not how relationships work. God can place a huge gift in our hands and we can refuse to open it. We can say that we don't deserve it. We can think that it won't be a great gift, so we cast it aside.

One of my favorite quotes illustrates this: "Man finds it hard to get what he wants, because he does not want the best; God finds it hard to give, because He would give the best, and man will not take it."

-George MacDonald

Oh, how often do I have to change my thinking to believe that it's okay to want the best AND to receive it? The last two days have been eye-opening as my thoughts turn to their normal toying with doubt and God has been whispering to me to believe. To let Him take the lead and to be open to whatever His best for me is.

I think the thought that needs banishing from my mind is, "That's not going to happen."

Anyone else?

sweet victory.

2011-10-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

So, on my last post, I was coming fast upon running my first 5k ever. I was really uncertain, but knew deep down that despite my doubts, I needed to try. (Side note: I've realized that I don't really like to do things if I am not certain I can do them well...)

My friend Katie messaged me and asked if she could join me. I had never run with a partner before...and even better, she is ~~about 6~~ 10 inches taller than me. We had NO idea if we would make good partners, but I figured it would be nice given all of my nerves. If anything, she could encourage me to keep going when I wanted to quit.

Day of the race:

We are READY!

So, I got up at like 6am (P.S. I only get up that early for a small handful of reasons, like Jesus, paid work and vacations...NOT exercise.) and Katie came over to carpool. We got there with plenty of time to walk around to warm ourselves up. Then we ran. Not fast, but we ran. We ran up the smaller hills, and chatted the whole time. We cheered people on as they started coming back (putting me slightly to shame!). The first mile or so seemed easy, and we enjoyed the beautiful day. We were running along the ocean! Then came the big hill. In all my running, I had been used to slight inclines, but not this. But I was determined to run the WHOLE time. That and that alone was my goal! (besides finishing...hah.)

About halfway up that blasted hill, my breathing became quite labored. But I was still focused. Others were walking. Katie, so faithful, gently said, "We're halfway there. Keep going." I am pretty sure I said out loud several times, "COME ON, you can do this." Haha, and we did. I got to the top and threw my hands up over the small victory of not stopping to walk. It took almost the whole run down the hill to regain normal breathing again, but we did it. And in fact, we had sped up, so Katie reminded me to take it easy. We weren't done yet.

I am pretty sure that trying to drink water was a mistake...it only made me hiccup and nauseated. One mile left. We kept on. And when we reached the finish line, my roommate and another friend were LOUDLY cheering. It was so encouraging. (that and the volunteers along the road...they were perfect for the job. Their cheers made me smile and want to push through.)

I DID IT. I didn't stop. And even though I didn't have the "best" time, I did it. (42 mins, which I argue would have been faster if it weren't for that hill...!) I still don't *like* running, but I am going to keep going. In fact, Katie and I are running partners now. She's such an inspiration and she doesn't mind running at my pace. I am bailing on her tonight due to heat exhaustion...slightly kidding...but we are doing it. Next stop...10k! (and maybe a few more 5k races in between)

And for those who aren't sure you can...(just like me):

"If you never try, you'll never know what you are capable of."

John Barrow

the recent haps.

2011-10-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

Although I have been blogging every day for like the last two weeks, I feel like I haven't really said much. You know how that goes? Here's some random facts or some fun fashion, but nothing past the surface...well, anyway, I am back. I figure the best way to jump back in is with a snapshot post of the recent happenings.

The Serious:
- I have felt the desire to pray for effectiveness lately. I have been feeling quite ineffective. In my job, in my prayer life, in lots of areas. I still feel a bit overwhelmed with the work load I get to carry...for who-knows-how-long-until-finances-get-better-with-the-state-or-some-other-miracle-occurs. It's funny though. God reminded me today that a prayer I prayed yesterday was effective. Results came today, and I am so grateful. It felt like a small prayer, but I am nevertheless encouraged.
- I am ONE week away from my first 5k. Do I feel prepared? NO. Honestly, I have not kept up on my running quite as diligently as I should have. I can run 2 miles (which is awesome...not discounting that) BUT to run 3.2 miles...I am really, really unsure about that. Part of me wants to back out. But part of me wants to still try. And if I walk part of it, I walk part of it. There is always next time. Sigh. I just wish I felt ready now.
- I am praying a lot about my husband lately. That I would know him...soon. A dear guy friend of mine nearly brought me to tears this weekend when he sincerely shared with me his desire to see me meet my husband, knowing it's a dream of mine. It was almost a relief to hear someone else say that they are praying along side me...believing for something I often feel alone in fighting for. It's hard to be the girl sometimes. We may or may not have a person of interest, but it doesn't really matter. We still are called to wait and be pursued. Don't get me wrong, I don't want the guys' role. I tried that once. It clearly didn't work out.

The Lighthearted:
-I got to go wakeboarding/tubing for the first time this past weekend! My arms feel like they are going to fall off and I have a large hideous bruise on my leg buuuuuut I had a wonderful time! I also didn't actually wakeboard...more like got pulled up only to face plant a second later...but again, so fun! It was a picturesque day, and I wish I could go more often.
-I definitely earned that dinner with NEEDTOBREATHE :) And with extra points I earned for promoting, I finally earned the sweatshirt I've wanted for two years. (You can't buy it anymore, you have to earn it.) I have no idea when it will arrive, but I am excited.
-I got a text from a friend today who wanted to tell me I was loved. Then later, like within the hour, I was at a meeting and we were praying for each other. The person praying for me prayed that I would feel loved...that it would be over and beyond what is the norm. From God, from people... I think God is trying to tell me something.
-I found some fun grey boots!
-In just over a month...I'll be visiting NEW YORK!!!

So, what's new with you?

fall fashion. last day. :(

2011-09-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

This is the last day....saaaaaaad.

I pretty much bought this shirt for this week.

It has birds on it.

Earrings and shirt- Target

Jeans- Old Navy

Boots- Thrifted :)

It was so fun to participate in this, now here's hoping to win! Check out the rest of the fall fashion here!

fall fashion. day six.

2011-09-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

I'm a little sad that all week has been so nutso that I don't get to post until 9pm.

It means less time for me to go and check out the awesome outfits...

(and for selfish reasons, I'm sad because less people end up visiting me here.)

There. I said it.

Today's outfit is more professional. The skirt I am wearing is the very skirt that showed me that I could indeed pull off wearing a high-waisted skirt.

ONLY ONE MORE DAY....that too is sad.

This is me sad that it's almost over...

This is me being a sassy pants.

Cardigan- Target

T-shirt- Walmart

Necklace- Mervyns

Skirt and shoes- TJ Maxx

There is a possibility of a prize AND you get new fashion ideas?! What, you say?

Then check it out here.

fall fashion. day five.

2011-09-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

The dress I wore today was one of my favorites...

and after yesterday's "scorcher", I thought it'd be perfect.

Turns out that my logic continued to be faulty.

I love the outfit I chose...

I just wish it didn't turn out to be a 60 degree day!

Well, here you go!


Extra accessory: kittah.

Dress and cardigan- Target

Necklace- Forever 21

Boots- etsy

Two days left of awesome fall fashion...it's not too late to JOIN!

fall fashion. day four.

2011-09-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

This day of fashion felt like somewhat of a fail.

As you will see, I went for less color (though not totally...)

but I also completely leaned on terrible logic.

You see, if it's hot where I live, it's usually cool where I work.

Today broke all those rules and busted into the mid-80s and I paid for my logic.

So, I present you the least fun fashion of the week (except that pop of color).

Yup. Barbie shoes.


P.S. I stole the hairstyle from a fellow fashion blogger...see? Ideas already being used!

Earrings- gifted from roommate

Shirt (which is technically a dress)- Styles for Less

Pants- Target

Shoes- TJ Maxx (mine, but bought in mind for roommate too)

A lot more fashion ideas can be stolen HERE!

fall fashion. day three.

2011-09-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't said this yet...

but I LOVE this week!

I love getting ideas, encouraging other women, getting wonderful compliments...

It's wonderful.

I am kind of overwhelmed by HOW MANY are joining in this time.

I seriously spent about 2 hours looking and complimenting...

and I didn't even get to all of them.

SO. If I haven't left you a little note, I am sorry. I truly am.

I will try and do another round later in the week.

And for those faithful in your comments,

THANK YOU!!!

I didn't stray far from the color scheme of yesterday, which I think is my favorite for this season.

Here is what I am wearing today:

Headband- made by a friend for a wedding I was in last year

Necklace- bought at a boutique at a music festival

Cardigan- same as yesterday (Target)

Shirt- Kohl's clearance

Jeans- TJ Maxx (Calvin Klein)

Shoes- also stolen from roommate's closet. We share our shoes. These lovely wedges were purchased at Nine West Outlet, which I highly encouraged. :)

Can't wait to see more fashion...join up HERE.

fall fashion. day two.

2011-09-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

This is what I wore to church today. I love all the colors...browns, teal, yellow. Very fall-ish to me. :)

I'm sitting on the counter so you can see it all!

Almost everything has been acquired from Target in this outfit.

The only exceptions: the necklace and boots. Both given to me by my roommate.

For more fall fashion fun for today, go here!

ten days. one picture.

2011-09-24T22:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I think I'll give you a flashback picture for this one...

It just seems that we are our cutest when we are oh-so-young.

I think I look a lot like my older self in this picture. :)

fall fashion 2011: day 1

2011-09-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

This picture is of me picking apples.

Aren't these flowers gorgeous?!


As seen on (and stolen from) Katie's blog...you can see my whole outfit here though!

So, if you stopped by Katie's blog before this one, you'll see similar shots...but you see I wore a tank top and jeans all day today, so nothing fall-ish to show.

Dress and belt- Target

Boots- roommate's closet :)

Vest/sweater- Forever 21

Happy Fall Fashion week! For lots of other great fashion today, go here.

ten days. two songs.

2011-09-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

Really, I have to choose TWO? This should have been at the top...ten songs. I could do ten songs. Haha....okay, so here it goes?

2. Something Beautiful by NEEDTOBREATHE. Arguably my favorite song of theirs...until this new album. I chose this one because I got to be in the music video they made for it...twice! I have loved this song for two years now, and this version below added accordion...which made it even better than I ever thought it could be. I love its message, melodies...love it all. 1. To Whom It May Concern by the Civil Wars. I chose this song not only because this duo is one of my top faves, but also because this song of theirs really sums up how I feel right now about being single, and my desire to meet the “one”. Enough said. (That and I mentioned them earlier when I revealed my secrets about singing.)

ten days. three films.

2011-09-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

You know you are asking the girl who has no real favorites to choose favorites, right? Sheesh, this is getting harder...

3. Cinderella Man. I don’t own this movie yet, but I think about buying it quite often. It tells such a beautiful story about the importance of family and love, and a man’s willingness to do what it takes to fight for that. It’s humble, and leaves you cheering him on and weeping with his heartache. Such a great film.

2. Despicable Me. I’ve told you there is a small child living inside of me, right? I love Disney Pixar films. I think this one is my favorite...so far. It makes me giggle, a lot. I want a minion. Just saying.

1. While You Were Sleeping. This has been a consistent favorite for about 15 years now. It never fails to make me laugh, and hope in real love. I relate to the awkwardness of the main character and her desire to find love. The supporting cast is a delight and it’s a movie you find me quoting on a regular basis.

(Honorable mentions...The Blind Side, The Help, Soul Surfer, To Save a Life, Lord of the Rings, Braveheart, Remember the Titans, Radio, Facing the Giants, Ever After, Penelope)

ten days. four books.

2011-09-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

4. I know this is the generic answer that a lot of people give...but the BIBLE. Seriously, it is the one book I can read over and over and get new and fresh insight into my life. It is a comfort to me, a place of wisdom and advice, and an encouragement. It keeps me grounded and connected to my Savior. Even when I am not good at reading it all the time, I always want to.

3. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Yeah, I am a nerd like that. I love this story! It is epic and points to the heart of Jesus even though it doesn’t outright say it.

2. Redeeming Love. This book makes me cry in a good way and evaluate my heart. I never walked even a minute in the main character’s shoes, but I know her heart. It’s the kind of book that anyone can relate to.

1. The Ragamuffin Gospel. I love the grace and the heart of the Father that this book unveils. I am also reading a book called Destined to Reign that has some similar points. I am only a few chapters into that one, so I couldn’t add it quite yet.

(This one is hard, because I love books...there are so many good ones! The Help, The Mark of the Lion Series, Pride and Prejudice....I could go on and on!)

ten days. five foods.

2011-09-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

5. Macaroni and cheese. I’m not talking your Kraft mac n cheese...although on some days, that stuff is pretty good. I am talking melt-in-your-mouth cheesy goodness...either found at Panera, Nucci’s or any great restaurant in the South. All three of these types differ greatly, but all do a dance on my taste buds that takes me to a happy place.

4. Tri-tip sandwiches. The South has BBQ, we have the tri-tip. And we do it well. There are days where I literally crave these sandwiches. Fave places to get them: Firestone and F. McLintock’s.

3. Chocolate. While this qualifies as dessert food, it is well worth mentioning! Give it to me in cake form, ice cream form, liquid form, solid form, brownie form (yes, that’s its own category), dark or light...chocolate is the best!

2. Shrimp n’ grits. Another southern favorite food. I have had it two different ways, but as a friend once told me, you really can’t go wrong with shrimp n’ grits in the South.

1. Anything homemade. Casseroles, crock pot meals, homemade mashed potatoes...I know this is cheating, sort of. But nothing beats a home cooked meal! My dad’s chicken noodle soup and enchiladas also fit in this category. (the truth is that I love food.)

Are you hungry yet? ;)

ten days. six places.

2011-09-19T17:09:00.000-07:00

6. Hawaii. It reminds me of my mom, because the one time I’ve traveled there was with her. I love the warm water, the beautiful weather, the lush surroundings, the laid back life.

5. Seattle, WA. That place is where hipsters are made. Unique coffee shops, incredible food, delightful panoramic views...Seattle is just plain cool.

4. Most places in Colorado. I have fond memories of trips to Colorado. There are lots of trees, which make me happy, and one of my best friends lives there.

3. San Luis Obispo, CA. The place I call home. And the place I could call home for the rest of my life if God allows. I love small towns and this place epitomizes that. I see people I know everywhere I go. It’s quaint and lovely, and I am SO blessed to live here.

2. Charleston, SC. If there was a second choice of where to live, it’d be here. The food, the people, the history, the charm...it has it all, and I love this place dearly.

1. Heaven. One day, I’ll dance with Jesus and be filled with laughter and worship all day long. I know the moments when I realize I don’t quite feel at home here on earth are when I am longing for this place. The best place.

wisdom

2011-09-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1

I love reading through Proverbs. No matter what I am reading through on my plan, God often prompts me to read the "Proverb of the day" as an addition to it. And a few days ago, this verse jumped off the page. When I read it, God was speaking to me about not tearing myself down. He instead wanted me to build.

Maybe your house right now is a life with roommates and a job, or maybe you have a husband and family. It doesn't matter where you are, you are called to build. If you read in Proverbs 31, it talks about being a wife and a mom, that she isn't idle with her hands, that she is encouraging and fruitful with all she does. I know lots of women who read that chapter and feel intimidated by that, feeling as though they cannot live up to that calling. Instead of tearing down the possibility before you even try, build. Take one step at a time. The Proverbs 31 woman didn't simply get up one day and become the example she was in a moment. She built, constantly and consistently. She saw what was in front of her and did it.

So remember this verse when you start picking yourself apart and choose to do or say something positive instead. Build your house. Eventually, you will be able to look back and see what all of that building has accomplished.

ten days. seven wants.

2011-09-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

7. A nifty fifty lens for my SLR camera. I wants it.
6. A pair of flat(ish) grey boots. That go to my calf. I saw pretty much what I wanted but they were too small...sad.
5. A new coffee maker. Mine has seen better days. Oh and a waffle maker too!
4. To be debt free! I have some student loans and car payments left to make...
3. More trips to places...like Ireland, Florida, the rest of the South, Maine, England, Australia, Italy...
2. To win the dinner with NEEDTOBREATHE. Because that would be sweet.
1. The ability to wake up early and be nice about it. Haha, oh how that would come in handy.

ten days. eight fears.

2011-09-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

While I am not a fan of today's topic, not because I don't want to be more vulnerable, but more because I don't want to agree with these fears. But as such, here are the ones, some serious, some less so, that I deal with . Let's face it, we all deal with fear sometimes. Here are mine.

8. Spiders...but sometimes even more so, spider webs. Creeeeeeepy.
7. Disappointing people.
6. Not being able to lose the weight I want and keep it off.
5. Failing. In general, in anything. Failing scares me.
4. Change. Especially unexpected change.
3. Stagnancy. I never want to be stuck in my walk with Jesus.
2. Not living my life to the fullest. What a terrible thing that would be.
1. Not ever getting married and having a family. This is a huge dream of mine, and my biggest fear is that it won’t happen.

ten days. nine loves.

2011-09-16T15:52:00.000-07:00

So, I never really explained this whole ten days thing. I saw it on someone else's blog, and thought it was a fun idea. I'd love to see others do it!

9. Getting new music and listening to it for days on end...(like NEEDTOBREATHE and Ben Rector both of whom have new albums out...well, sort of. NEED’s will be out soon but I am grateful for the free streaming!) I love music. A lot. I think this quote sums up this love well- "Next to the Word of God, the noble art of Music is the greatest treasure in the World." - Martin Luther

This album is seriously amazing. So good that it made top 10 on iTunes for a whole week.

8. Aveda tea. I refer to it as magic tea. It makes me very happy.

7. Sleeping in and/or lounging in my comfy bed on days when I am not rushed out of it. Reading books in bed is a bonus.

I wish I had this bed. Mine is pretty awesome though.

6. Chocolate. In all forms. (except the really cheap kind that tastes waxy. That’s not real chocolate. Also fake chocolate milkshakes. Those should never be made with anything but the real deal.)

5. Getting texts/calls/facebook messages from my family. I love them so much, and it always makes me smile. One time I text my dad to ask him about his lunch plans, as I was driving through and wanted to see him. His response? "I can push back my audience with the Pope..."

4. Fall. All things related to fall. Scarves, mittens, leaves, pumpkin everything, cold nights...

I think this captures the way my heart feels in fall.

3. Laughing till I cry or wheeze or both. Yes, I wheeze when I laugh...friends aim to make this happen.

I loved this picture when I saw it.

2. All things involved with NEEDTOBREATHE. The concerts. The music. The people. The little tasks I am assigned to. The band. The travel. The opening bands. The photography. The fact that I finally have a favorite band. (I never could pick before.) Someone said the other day that they make their fans feel like family. I think that's the best way to sum up my love for them. I feel like I am cheering on family.

1. Being loved. By Jesus. By my family. By my friends. It’s the best thing EVER.

ten days. ten secrets.

2011-09-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

10. I never really liked sugary cereals growing up. I still don’t. Give me oatmeal, or Raisin Bran or Kashi cereal and I’ll be a happy girl.

9. It surprises me when people consider me to be a good friend and want to keep in touch with me for long periods of time. It always has.

8. I take great delight in telling people I’m 30 and seeing that their reaction is shock...because they think I am much younger than that.

7. I have a love/hate relationship with my singing voice. I love my ability to harmonize, and think I am pretty good at doing so. I am not so confident in my ability to lead a song. Most people haven’t REALLY heard me sing. Secret singing dreams of mine? That I would either be a backing vocalist for an amazing singer/songwriter on an album one day and/or that I could be a partner in crime in a singing duo that bares a resemblance to The Civil Wars...even if all we do is sing at weddings and stuff.

6. If my roommate isn’t home, I’ll use the bathroom with the door open. I guess I figure why bother with the shenanigans of closing the door and wasting electricity if no one but the cat is around?

5. I am pretty sure I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be found attractive by a guy...

4. The days I am weakest are the days when I am farthest from God and His truth.

3. I am a people pleaser by nature, and have a hard time saying no. I’ll often compromise instead of outright saying no. I’m working on that....

2. I absolutely cannot fall asleep in moving things (planes, trains, cars) unless I can fully lay down. Actually, even if I am not moving and I am in something like a rocking chair, I have difficulty sleeping. I am a great road trip partner. I will not fall asleep on you.

1. If I can make funny voices and ridiculous jokes that border on complete cheesy-lameness in your presence, I feel at home with you and you are seeing the real me. Most people take a while to fully see this side of me.

awesome/awkward round 2

2011-09-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

It's a new week, and my friend Katie posted another week's worth of awesome/awkward posts...thus inspiring me to do the same. Hope your week has been as awesome and awkward as mine!

Awesome: Having your Pastor pray over you, saying that you are a leader and that whoever is in your life will be blessed by you
Awkward: Him saying that he knows that because he reads your tweets, that you can't stop tweeting because you have something to say...all of this publicly (haha, he also knows ME very well, it was just a really funny moment)

Awesome: Driving by the Morro Bay Fire Department and having a handsome fireman wave at you as you drive by
Awkward: Well, I can't think of anything awkward about that.

Awesome: Shopping at Target (always awesome) for a friend's baby shower
Awkward: Finding yourself in front of the baby display with all the cute little ducks on them, and almost crying because you can see your (future) kids wearing the stuff and you wish you knew them...now. Yeah, walked away quickly.

Awesome: Shopping at Target and looking for a sweet leather jacket you've been wanting
Awkward: Trying on the largest size available in the regular section and have it cut off circulation in your arms, then going to the smallest in the plus size section only to be swimming in it. Sigh. Maybe it isn't meant to be.

Awesome: Getting to see my first lightning storm of the year while driving down to have Olive Garden with friends
Awkward: Getting caught squealing in delight every time the sky lit up....by your roommate

Awkward: Getting jury duty during the ONE week your work schedule finally allows you some office time to get caught up on work
Awesome: Showing up to jury duty to find that all of the pending cases for the day took pleas right before we were ready to go before the judge. We were all released from duty after only an hour.

Awesome: Getting new referrals at work
Awkward: Knowing the family of one of your referrals...and hoping that the whole process goes smoothly, since sometimes it doesn't...

Awesome: Being recognized for your singing/acting abilities
Awkward: Being asked to promote your work's fundraiser because of those abilities...which is 80s themed

Feel free to share some of your moments of the week...I love these because it gives a fun insight into life.

where were you?

2011-09-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

It was only four days before I was going to be taking all my stuff with me and moving up to San Luis Obispo. New town, new school, new friends...new life. I was so excited thinking that this, this was the answer for all the aching I had inside. A re-start.

The phone rang early in the morning. I could hear my step-brother yelling for my step-mom to turn on the television. Grandma was on the phone and wanted us to turn on the t.v. It was about 6:30 in the morning. Since I was now awake, I was curious. Was someone we knew on t.v.? Instead, I turned it on to find the most devastating scene I have ever watched in my life. Two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center's tallest buildings. Smoke was pouring out of the buildings. You could feel the fear as the world realized that we had been attacked. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed in utter shock and silence. In a short time, more news came in that a third plane had crashed into the Pentagon. I couldn't move. My eyes were glued to the t.v. hoping it wasn't true. I don't remember much except that I couldn't stop watching. And right before my eyes, the towers fell. I remember disbelief. I remember deep, deep sadness. I remember fear.

Somehow, I managed to get ready for work, which started that day at Target, one of my last days there, at 9am. Everyone was so quiet. Work seemed pointless that day, not many people came out to shop. We had a television set up in the break room so we could watch. Co-workers expressed concern about not knowing if their loved ones were safe or not. I didn't personally know anyone in danger, but the impact was hard nevertheless. I don't remember that evening, except I imagine that I spent it glued to the t.v. eager for answers as to WHY this happened to us.

As the answers came, the satisfaction of knowing never followed. The last few days with my family were a blur of emotion. I had a caravan of friends and family on the day I moved up to San Luis Obispo, now a place I lovingly call home. As my dad and brother left, I read the card my dad wrote and wept. It was a bittersweet time, that excitement of freedom overshadowed by the tragedy of 9/11/01. I realized how much my family meant to me, and how that freedom didn't seem to be so worth it anymore. We all began to put our feet forward as a nation, and still stand strong...but that day will forever mark us. I know I will never forget.

awesome/awkward

2011-09-05T16:47:00.000-07:00

So, first of all, I have to thank Katie for making her qualifier for being tagged to do this simply the fact that you read hers. (I am a faithful reader of her blog because I love her.) Anyway, she has asked me to post about various moments of my week that have had both an awkward and awesome part to it. Here we go:

Awkward: not remembering whether or not you applied deodorant that day and having to do physical labor at Hearst Castle
Awesome: it being cool enough of a day to not have to worry about it

Awkward: driving down to L.A. to watch a show by yourself
Awesome: that show being NEEDTOBREATHE and Taylor Swift, running into people you know and getting to high five Taylor

Awkward: buying an album you already own, just so you can say hi to the band
Awesome: seeing their faces be as excited to see you as you are to see them, then getting to take a pic with them (which "wasn't allowed") and riding down the elevator with them

Awkward: going to a dinner to possibly meet someone, where you only know like one person
Awesome: meeting a bunch of new and awesome people, and having a great time

Awkward: standing by yourself while your favorite band is sound checking
Awesome: being at the sound check and hearing some sweet new songs

Awkward: being told that "your obsession for needtobreathe is terrifying"
Awesome: being secure enough in yourself to understand that this person has completely misunderstood you, and not letting that change who you are

Awkward: taking money out of the ATM only to realize that doing so may cause the check you just wrote to your roommate to bounce
Awesome: being paid back money owed and being able to deposit that before the check cleared (whew!)

Awkward: trying to use stilts for the first time since you were 12...in front of a bunch of new friends
Awesome: getting it right the first time and basically showing up the guys who had been trying to do it for 20 minutes before you

And finally, this is both awesome and awkward.

It's Ran Jackson from The Daylights and we are pretend sleeping. :)

i love needtobreathe

2011-08-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

It's the week I've been waiting for. I bought tickets to one of the shows I am going to this weekend EIGHT months ago and it's finally here. On Saturday, I'll be in L.A. watching NEEDTOBREATHE open for Taylor Swift. I am so excited for them...this is HUGE!

And then next Wednesday, they will be in my home town once again for a SOLD OUT show. I want to be up front for this one. I've missed their shows incredibly. I understand that most people don't get why I love them so much. I am not a "groupie", that's not it. It's hard to explain, but I do. So much so that I saw them nine times last year, and the two shows I am catching this week look pitiful to me in comparison. But I am going to make the most of it and enjoy every minute!

You may notice the presence of a flashing NEEDTOBREATHE button on the right side of my blog. If you feel at all tempted to get their upcoming album (which by the way is going to be fantastic!), you should click there...or here:
http://store.needtobreathe.net/?cmpid=needtobreathers/chrispix

Why? Because if 13 CDs are bought through that link or that button, I win dinner with, yes, you guessed it...my favorite band, NEEDTOBREATHE. So, help a girl out. Trust me, the CD will be worth it. Buy some for people you love, and maybe even people you might not like so much. But do it by clicking on that link. You will make this girl VERY happy. :)

enough.

2011-08-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I was having a conversation with an older woman about how a young church like mine could benefit from more women like her. She said something that struck me and stuck with me for the rest of the day. Basically she shared that her generation has to make an effort to be involved in the younger generation, that sometimes that effort proves to be difficult and many go where less effort is required.

You see, I am a part of a church that, if it can, wants to reach the WORLD for Jesus. And we've started in the world right around us. I am so proud of my church and its heart for Jesus and people. We are not perfect, but we live in grace. In our efforts to reach the world, we do a lot. People can get overwhelmed by doing too much, especially if their heart is not in it. Then sometimes we stop doing, and as a result begin to feel guilty. The thing is, it is not about doing...not just for the sake of doing. It doesn't matter what we DO. God is concerned about our hearts. And it ought to be that what we do comes from the heart.

I had the thought after this conversation that I never want to be in a place where I feel I am doing enough. Don't read that wrong. This is not about works or feeling inadequate. It's about my heart. I don't want to ever feel like I've arrived...like I can't grow or learn or do anymore. I want to save my arrival for when I meet Jesus face to face. I want my relationship with Him to always be alive, always feeling like it is not enough. I know my weakness. I know that I have the choice to live out many years with Him and then one day decide to sit back and say "that's enough". I know that I may play with the thought of disengaging and just going through the motions. Go to church. Read my bible. Pray. All without life or adventure.

No, I don't ever want to be in a place of "enough".

golden birthday

2011-08-15T22:16:00.000-07:00

So, I turned 30 on the 30th of last month, hence it being the GOLDEN birthday. Here's how I celebrated it!

Went to Seattle to visit family and friends!

Drove through the redwoods

Came home to 30 of these beautiful roses from my friends!

Was taken out to lunch by my Dad, roommate and friend :)

At dinner, I was surprised with these golden cupcakes!

Then surprised by a living room full of balloons!

Yup, there is definitely a small child living inside of me.

Just when I thought the fun was over, I was taken to Target where I was led through the store by clues given to me by many friends, each giving me a gift from the section I found them in. By the end, I had a cart full and a posse of my favorite people! So much fun!

And to end birthday week, my friend Katie and I were treated to a lovely evening in Cambria, then Paso by two of our friends. They even brought us flowers!

i felt like runnin'...

2011-08-10T21:26:00.001-07:00

I just finished week 5 of the Couch to 5k running program, and I thought I'd give an update. I just met a major milestone, not just in this program, but really in my life. As I explained earlier, I am not by nature a runner. Not one bit. So, not even in high school when they made us run sometimes do I remember running this long. Maybe I could do a mile, with some walking. And yesterday, I ran 20 minutes, 2 miles, without walking. No, it's not a high paced speed, but jogging to me is running. And I am beyond proud of myself.

Before I went out to tackle this latest challenge, I felt really uncertain. The longest time without walking that I had done was 8 minutes. I felt it was a HUGE jump to go from running for 8 minutes with walking then 8 minutes again to a whole 20 minutes. I actually doubted I could do it. But I prayed. I prayed for the strength to last and to push through no matter what I felt. And so I went out. I had driven the area I was running in, in a way to mentally prepare and understand where I'd meet certain goals. I knew where it was one mile. I started to go. I kept going. When I hit 10 minutes straight, I celebrated a little inside. I hit the mile. A little more celebrating. I kept going. I wouldn't say it was easy, but surprisingly, it felt easier to keep going than taking the walking breaks. My body was ready for the challenge. The last two minutes were the most challenging, where I just kept telling my tired self that I had made it that far so I could make it all the way. And I did. I made it.

I am more than halfway to my goal. I started out in a place where running for 3 minutes at a time was hard. Now that is the easy part. It amazes me how much our bodies can be pushed and can do more and more. When I started, I couldn't wrap my head around running for 20 minutes straight, let alone a 5k. But now, I see that I can, and will do it.

This picture and the video I showed you in my first blog about running are the reasons I started this. You might look at this picture and think I look nice, but seeing this picture made me sad. I had been fighting to lose weight for months, well, really years, and I was back in the range of being the heaviest I've been. I knew I needed to make a real decision to dig in and be healthy. I still struggle. My trip/birthday week threw me off in my eating habits, and I am just now getting that back on track. But I kept running. I am not sure what is different, but I have a motivation that won't quit. Even when I don't feel like it, I still find the time to run.

I haven't lost much weight, but again, I feel different. I can't wait to share with you once the weight starts coming off more. In fact, I am tempted to take pictures in that same outfit throughout the process. We'll see. I am just taking this one day at a time!

sacrifice.

2011-08-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

I just recently finished reading through the book of Leviticus, and each day as I read more and more, I found myself wondering how long the book would keep going. If you've never read Leviticus before, it lays out the requirements for offerings given because of sin and guilt, as well as various laws. There literally is a chapter on how to test for leprosy. The following is from one of the chapters I read:

"These are the regulations for the guilt offering, which is most holy: The guilt offering is to be slaughtered in the place where the burnt offering is slaughtered, and its blood is to be splashed against the sides of the altar. All its fat shall be offered: the fat tail and the fat that covers the internal organs, both kidneys with the fat on them near the loins, and the long lobe of the liver, which is to be removed with the kidneys. The priest shall burn them on the altar as a food offering presented to the LORD. It is a guilt offering. Any male in a priest’s family may eat it, but it must be eaten in the sanctuary area; it is most holy. The same law applies to both the sin offering and the guilt offering: They belong to the priest who makes atonement with them. The priest who offers a burnt offering for anyone may keep its hide for himself. Every grain offering baked in an oven or cooked in a pan or on a griddle belongs to the priest who offers it, and every grain offering, whether mixed with olive oil or dry, belongs equally to all the sons of Aaron." Leviticus 7:1-10

I kept thinking, this is so tedious! I am so glad we don't do this anymore...not only is it tedious but I cannot even fathom having to make sacrifices every time I sinned! I don't even know how they kept track of what to do when, and how. Thank you, Lord, for Jesus' perfect sacrifice!

I wondered why God even chose to include this in His word. It felt like I was being forced to read about unpleasant topics for no apparent reason. So I began to ask why. As I read, I realized that although we don't have to follow these intricate rituals or perform these sacrifices anymore thanks to Jesus' ultimate sacrifice on the cross, we can still fall into ritualistic behavior in an effort to be right with God. We fall into the trap thinking that if we read our bible more, get up early and pray, go to church and bible study every week...then, maybe then we'll feel okay enough to approach God. And if we mess up, we feel completely distant from God. There is that drive somewhere deep inside of us that wants to make up for what we've done or to work our way out of our foolish mistakes. Even people who haven't made a decision to follow Christ but are toying with the idea often say that they want to get their lives on a certain track before they feel they can follow through.

God kept that book in the Bible, in part, to remind us that we don't have to live in that way, whether literally or in our thoughts. Jesus' sacrifice changed it all. We can come to Him, any time, and He is waiting. He loves us, and if we would only believe and follow Him, we are free. The truth is that we could never sacrifice enough to be right with God. And we don't have to. What a beautiful reminder.

running

2011-07-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

I was once overheard saying that the only way to get me to run was by chasing me from behind with a knife. I think I was traumatized by the "Friday Fun Run" in high school and I never looked back. It was NOT fun. But I found myself trying to figure out how to lose weight, and not ever quite getting there. And then my brother posted this video.

I thought to myself, "If this man could do it, so can I." So, I looked up ways to ease into running. I found the Couch to 5k program. It is now week 3. It's amazing how sometimes it is quite easy. It's like my body is celebrating the fact that I am making it do things it is not used to doing. And other days it's harder, and I have to press through to finish what I started. I have started out with walking and jogging. Each week adds a new challenge, and it seems that even though it gets harder, I am ready for it when it comes. I am most proud that I have stuck to this. I can't say that I like running. But I don't hate it. In fact, it is teaching me about pushing through and persevering in a very practical way.

It's funny to me that the pounds aren't just melting off...in fact, sometimes I feel like I am gaining weight. However, my body is changing, firming up, slimming down. I am excited to see this through. In the past, I have not wanted to say out loud what I want to accomplish for fear of not following through. But I can't waste time worrying about that.

Instead, I am taking the one two approach and hitting it hard by re-joining weight watchers at the same time. There is a fight within me that wants to get there. To lose the weight I need to be healthy.

There are a lot of fears...and of course, they are irrational. Fear of failing. Fear of accomplishing and what that would mean for my life. Fear that I'd get there and then somehow end up back where I started...which would almost be worse than failing in the first place. I am looking fear in the face and moving...jogging forward.

As I meet some markers, I'll share. But really so far I consider it a great accomplishment to have not only started it and not missed a day, but to have taken being active much more seriously in the last 4 months. I know it will pay off.

dear twenties

2011-07-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

As I wind down through the last few days of my twenties, I thought I'd reflect on all the adventures each year brought me. My twenties overall were pretty good to me, and I thoroughly enjoyed them.

Age 20- Celebrated in New Orleans! (Not what you are thinking though. I was a chaperone for a youth group...) Moved out on my own and started school at Cal Poly. I cried after my dad moved me in. It was bittersweet. After trying to live life my way, I gave my life fully to the Lord and found an amazing church that I am still a part of today. Got hired at the company that eventually gave me a grown-up job!

Age 21- Really started to develop deeper friendships here in San Luis Obispo. Began to learn how to play the guitar. Began to dream of being a leader in ministry, reaching out to people and seeing them saved. Saw some major financial miracles, especially related to car issues, and began to learn about God's provision.

Age 22- Went to Hawaii as an early graduation gift with my mom, which was an amazing gift both in the time we spent together as well as the fun we had! I moved out with my choice of roommate (instead of them being assigned like at Mustang Village), and we bought our first bbq. That was a great year. I also dyed my hair red for the first time. Joined the worship team at church.

Age 23- Got promoted to House Supervisor at work, which equated to a 40 hour work week of supervisory duties plus a full school schedule co-mingled. Somehow I managed to get good grades, still stay highly involved at church, and get decent sleep. It was a miracle. I graduated from Cal Poly! I spent a lot of time with a boy who turned out only to be interested in friendship. God healed my acne through loving and financial support of church family after I had prayed for healing. Before that help came through a great dermatologist, God asked me to fast from makeup for a month. That was hard...and quite a story. I learned how to swing dance!

Age 24- Moved into a big house with 4 other girls, and God began to show me even more how to have sisters in my life. I started leading a cell group, and learned much about being a leader for the Lord. I got promoted to Manager and really started to be invested in the company. I bought a newer car, which was great because my old one was not reliable anymore! I also learned in this year that I love being a host to people and having people in my home.

Age 25- I found out my mom had cancer, and watched her pass away. This was probably one of the most difficult years of my life. Things at work were especially tough this year as well. I learned much about leaning on God, and walking through grief. But some good things happened too! I found my long lost childhood best friend Jami, and that was a great joy to me. I also realized what a blessing some of my friends are, as they helped me walk through my grief.

Age 26- The travel bug began to bite and I took a train trip to Colorado to see Jami. It was incredible. I continued to learn how to handle grief through birthdays, anniversaries and Mother's Day. I moved out of the household I had been living with into a house with one of my best friends, Stacy. Due to stress at work, I was sick more often that year than any year I've known before. By May that year, I transferred to a new department, and miraculously stopped being so sick! I also sprained my ankle for the first time in my adult years. Haha. God also brought amazing brotherly friends into my life during this year, after spending some time at a distance.

Age 27- I was a bridesmaid for the first time. I fell in love with NEEDTOBREATHE for the first time. I was shocked by the arrival of my 10 year high school reunion. I started another friendship with a guy that ultimately ended in disappointment. I am pretty sure that this finally sent the message home that God wants me to be pursued, not to pursue. I re-started my cell group and grew in faith that God wanted to use me to lead women. I had my first Christmas away from my family, thanks to on-call for work. I ended my 27th year by leading worship for the first time!

Age 28- For some reason, my desire to get married kicked into full speed in this year. Maybe it was because I ended up being a bridesmaid in TWO weddings during this year?! Probably not quite the full reason, but perhaps they helped. This is also the year I became a full fledged NEEDTOBREATHE fan and joined their Street Team. This quickly progressed into me becoming a Respirator and then traveling to the Carolinas to see a home show. Thanks to them I have fully re-discovered my love for travel! I discovered a love for photography, expanded my music collection...all thanks to my new favorite band. I got a trial run at being a mom when I took on the full care of two young ones when their parents were in the hospital giving birth to the newest addition to their family. I want to be a mom SO badly. Just saying. My 28th year ended with an overwhelming financial gift, which was needed to fix my car.

Age 29- the last of the 20s. I set 29 goals for the year and accomplished quite a few of them. I wrote a song and posted it here on my blog...something I've never done before. I bought the nicest car I've ever owned, and in it, God worked some miracles, including getting me to finally pay off all of that credit card debt! I bought a really nice camera so I can take awesome pictures! I traveled again to the south and enjoyed every minute of it. I bought a queen sized bed...so worth it! Saw many concerts, including several of the top faves that I had not seen yet. Volunteer my Saturday mornings to Adopt-a-block and love connecting with people in my community. I preached for the first time, and realized that God can do so much more through me than I let Him. Finishing my 29th year with a road trip to Seattle. Started running. That's something I never thought I'd do.

Hopes for the 30s: Get married, have some kids, sing in a greater capacity than I am currently, lead my friends to Jesus and learn what it really means to disciple, travel to Europe, get completely out of debt (car & student loan), and maybe even own a house.

13 days left of my 20s!

singlehood

2011-07-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

Being a woman on the verge of turning 30...still single despite a deep desire to be married...is HARD.

It has made me think a lot lately about the reason why. I look around and see plenty of handsome, Godly single men around, and yet many of them are not pursuing anyone. I've heard arguments of them wanting their lives to be lined up so they can be the provider. I've heard that church dynamics make it intimidating to make a move. I understand...but it breaks my heart. I wondered if this delay in pursuit was just a prevalent thing in my area OR if as suspected, it's a bigger issue making its way through our society that just so happens to be affecting the men around me.

I stumbled across this blog by Pastor Mark Driscoll today which said, "The mainstream media has also picked up the gender issue in a cultural context. In recent months The Atlantic, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal have run major stories chronicling the fact that young, single men are not growing up as quickly, attending college as frequently, or assuming responsibility as maturely as their female counterparts. As a result, many women simply expect to not marry and are preparing to become mothers and live life on their own because they struggle to find men stable and dependable enough to share life and its responsibilities." The included links, though explored through a worldly viewpoint, expose a pattern long woven into the fabric of our lives. It is now reaping the results. And this pattern is wreaking havoc on my love life.

Of course, this is not the sole blame for me being single still. I am not blaming anything. I trust that God has a plan, and that plan clearly is not within the design of MY timing. If it were, I wouldn't be here, now, writing this post. But my purpose, I guess, in writing this is to bring awareness of the attitudes and thoughts that are permeating the world around us. And maybe, just maybe, some men will read this and ask themselves why they wait.

You see, while there is delay, we women are waiting. We are left to protect ourselves, which we were not born to do. We are left to provide for ourselves, which is not what we want but do out of necessity. We can do these things, and do them well. However, we are trading in the roles we desire to fulfill in order to take care of ourselves. I love how Stasi Eldredge states what women desire- “to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a grand adventure, and to unveil beauty”, to which I would simply add “to be protected and provided for” as well. While we are left to our own devices, we end up misusing the gifts we’ve been given because we feel like we have no other choice.

I am praying about what I can do while I wait. I pray for my husband...a lot. Not just that he would find me soon, but about his relationship with God, his future, his heart, his protection. I pray that he would be the kind of man who breaks through the hesitancy in our generation to be the man God created him to be.

I want to see the men around me rise up in confidence, see themselves how God sees them, and not fear any success the women around them have obtained. I re-read Proverbs 31 the other day, and I realized that God has made women for success and honor. Men should not be intimidated by it, but rather be seeking these kinds of partners. I am wholly convinced that two are better than one, though everything around me cheers independence on. How much more beautiful are the two when their foundation is built on Christ, and yet for somewhat petty reasons, people my age delay marriage...sometimes not even on purpose. I pray that we would begin to see how the patterns of the world have affected our lives and take a stand, fighting for marriage with guidance from the Holy Spirit. That is key.

I'd love to hear any thoughts...from singles, those dating/engaged, and married folks! Obviously this is an issue weighing on my heart!

checking in

2011-07-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

Last year, I made a list of things I wanted to do before my 30th birthday, and we are counting down the days (20!) before that date! I thought I'd give an update on what I accomplished. It's funny some of the things I wrote down...some of them are not that important to me anymore. The point of the list was to accomplish a few things in the name of fun, as well as a few more serious ones. I got about half of them done, which makes me happy. I might do another one for this next year. :)

1. Pay off all of my credit card debt (accomplished January 2011!!!)
2. Go wine tasting (went in Temecula in August 2010, even joined a wine club!)
3. Bake a pie from scratch (a must do in the next week or two, not done yet...)
4. Take a train trip to Seattle (well, I'll be driving. I am counting that. And it will be in two weeks!)
5. Slow dance in the rain (yeah...need a person to slow dance with...didn't happen)
6. Write a new song (yes! one of them was a joke, but it counts!)
7. Own a gorgeous green dress that goes well with cowboy boots (yes and no. It looks better with my black boots...)
8. Get a facial (just got a deal, plan on doing it before my birthday!)
9. See the redwoods (on my way back from Seattle, I will be driving through them!)
10. Go to Disneyland (played hooky and went in August 2010)
11. Camp at the beach (I probably won't get this done before the b-day, but maybe after...?)
12. Hike all of Bishop's Peak (nope, but I am training for a 5k. I'm okay with this.)
13. Go see a show at a theater (saw a ballet. I plan on seeing a broadway show in NY in the fall.)
14. Stay up late and watch shooting stars (a great idea in theory. I like sleep.)
15. Walk/bike through Bob Jones Trail (did it with two friends on a beautiful day!)
16. Get my passport (this is a MUST in the next year. I plan on traveling more...)
17. Volunteer at least once for something new (technically, I started volunteering my Saturday mornings to adopt-a-block, bringing food and love to a neighborhood in need. I love it!)
18. Go to a local festival and fully enjoy whatever its theme is (I still would like to do this.)
19. Make it to at least 2 NEEDTOBREATHE shows (I made it to THREE.)
20. Re-read the whole Lord of the Rings Trilogy (almost done!)
21. Watch "The Godfather" (I need to borrow it from a friend. We'll see if I get it done before the deadline.)
22. Try donating blood again at least once (um...yeah. I should do this, but still haven't)
23. Go out and have tea with friends (shortly after this list, a friend invited me and a few others to her house for tea and dessert. I am willing to count this. But now that I have taken out my mom's china, I want to host a tea party!)
24. Read the bible in the year (again) (in progress.)
25. Lead women through a cell group and see their lives changed by God (still a goal. But I have been making strides toward this.)
26. Eat a meal on my mom's fancy china (just did! Last week! Thanks to the encouragement of my roommate.)
27. Visit my brother (did in December!)
28. Make up a hip hop routine (not really a priority anymore.)
29. Go on a date (yeah...one can hope that it will happen before my birthday, but it's not looking like it.)

By my birthday, I will have about 17 out of the 29 things done. Not too shabby. I'm excited that I got to do so much over the last year! What a great way to end my twenties! :)

a mother's blessing

2011-06-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight I received an unexpected gift, one that touched my heart so deep, that at the mention of what was to come, I couldn't help but cry. If you've read through my blog over the past few years, you probably know that my relationship with my mom was a precarious one. We loved each other fiercely, but there were many obstacles that kept us from having the kind of mother-daughter relationship we both imagined. Words never came easy...in fact, sometimes the ones that counted most were rarely heard, or not heard at all. While I knew she was proud of the woman I was becoming, I didn't hear that from her. On top of that, my relationship with my step-mom didn't quite click either. Part of it was the blending of two families and the stress of it all, part of it was probably me not knowing how to relate to another mom figure, and part of it was hormones. Anyway, while my relationship with my dad came much easier, I felt like I had to do or say the right thing sometimes to even be liked by the women in my life.

*Side note, I have a good relationship with my step-mom now. She's an amazingly giving and caring woman. What I am writing about here is more of a reflection of my perception after the conflicts that we went through early on in our relationship. Some come easy, ours did not. But we worked it out, and that is a part of the relationship we have now.

When my mom passed away, I realized that the words I longed to hear from her would never come. There is something very powerful about a parent's blessing. It calls the children to believe they have worth and are covered by the love given by that parent. What a parent sees about their child is so important...it validates who they are. I can't wait to speak words of blessing to my children, knowing the value of it. This is not to say that our worth comes from what our parents say/believe for us...our worth comes from God. But God has given parents a very special role in molding and shaping children, and it is never too late to receive words of blessing from parents, nor can they be spoken too much, I believe.

Tonight Pastor Denise came up to me, and sat me down. She said that she wanted to give me a mother's blessing. Upon those words, I could not contain the emotion. Both she and I knew that she would and could never replace my mom, but at the same time, she knew the importance of having a woman speak blessing into my life. She shared the things she saw in me, and what she hoped to see me continue to grow to be. She called me to sing. To sing in every area of my life, pouring passion and gift into all that I put my hands to. She told me she loved me, not for what I've done but for who I am. She spoke into that place of feeling the need to earn love, and called me to just receive. I am so grateful that she took the time to tearfully share her love with me. She has always been someone I have looked up to and I know God has used her many times to heal some of the wounded views of women. But tonight, God used her to deliver words that I know my mom would have said if she could, and even some words straight from His heart.

To show you how much my relationship with my mom has impacted my life, I'll let you in on a little secret. When I wrote a list of things I am praying for in my future husband, I specifically put that his mother would love me. I knew I didn't have the strength to fight so hard for a good relationship with my mother-in-law. I just want it to come more easily than it has for me in the past.

There is such a relief in simply being loved. It's a small picture of the love God has for us. Our relationships with people are not always perfect or easy, nor is it fair to expect that. It's only in God that we can place our complete trust. However, our parents are meant to reflect His heart. That's why that gift of words meant so much to me. They help me continue to understand more and more of how God sees me, and it's a wonderful thing to get a hold of.

you likey?

2011-06-30T14:01:00.000-07:00

So, in case you stopped by here and thought you were in the wrong place, yes, I changed the look of my blog. I like its simplicity, and it feels updated. I like to do that from time to time...just look at how many different hair colors and styles I've rocked the last 10 years of my life and you'll see a pattern.

Funny story...a dear friend of mine called me today and asks me "what are you doing right now?" and I let her know that I am at work. She says, "What? But it's your birthday...", to which I respond, "Haha goober, in a month..." AND SO BEGINS BIRTHDAY MONTH. One of my fellow bloggers is my birthday twin and like her, I am not so sure I am ready for this. It's our golden birthday...the infamous 30th year. And just like that, in one possibly foul swoop, I will have hit the age I once thought of as "old". It's definitely not what I thought it would be. First of all, it is not "old". In fact some days, I feel younger than I did at age 21. Yeah, I just said that. Second of all, I feel like life is just getting started. It is going faster than ever before, and I definitely want to see some chapters start in my life...like yesterday...but I dunno. There is something refreshing about 30. It feels legit.

Anyway, just letting you know that this makeover is still me...and that I am only a month away from being 30 and flirty? Yeah...

a quick hi

2011-06-27T21:46:00.001-07:00

I've been trying to at least keep up with reading my fellow bloggers' postings...but have failed miserably in any attempt to keep my own up. Good thing I've been learning about grace lately! (more on that to come)

This post is just to say "hi" and "I haven't forgotten my blogger friends!" :) And in the spirit of fun, I'll share a few random funny/awesome things.

This video is funny. I love technology (cue Napoleon Dynamite)...

And who knew cats could be so ridiculous?

This duo wowed me, and then won me over with this cover.

This simple devotional was so good I posted it on facebook.

Besides Jesus, where I get some encouragement in being single.

Something slightly crazy that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do (the shorter one...not the longer...yet)

I've decided I'm a fan. I mean, how can you not?

In other news, my fave band dropped a NEW SINGLE this week...go get it now! Um, they also are coming back to my home town on August 31st. I love them.

So, I'll be back soon with some deeper thoughts. But until then, enjoy the above! :)

And here we are at the END of June!? Yeahhhhh.....

musing.

2011-06-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else going, "oh my goodness, it's JUNE! How'd that happen?!" or is it just me?

Yeah, I thought so.

June is a great month. It's my Dad's birthday, the beginning of summer, time for warmer weather to make its appearance, the month before my birthday...the GOLDEN birthday. I know I will have more to say about that as it comes.

So...summer plans....

I got free tickets to see our local baseball team play! That'll be on the agenda.

NEEDTOBREATHE at the end of August.

Oh! And a somewhat spontaneous trip to Seattle! I've never been, and I promised myself I'd go this year. Now I am just determining the means of how to get there. I don't want it to be an expensive trip...as I still have a trip to NY hopefully in the works in the fall! So here are the options, and maybe you can help me decide? I think I've made up my mind, but feel free to comment.

Choices:
Flying. This is the quickest route. However, it is also pretty pricey. Cheapest flight found so far from SLO= $430. Cheapest flight from San Francisco= $230 (better....BUT you have to add gas and parking for an estimated total of $340) I even tried bargaining for my flight, with no success.

By train. This was my original hope. But much to my surprise this method costs $320! Yikes-o-rama!

By car. This method is about the same length of time as the train, factoring one night stay. I've driven the long road to Vegas many times, and this trip would be MUCH more beautiful. It would be like a long Vegas trip x2 each way. But the grand total for gas and hotel would be between $220 and $250.

Thoughts?

this has been out a while but...

2011-05-31T19:56:00.000-07:00

As you know I've had my hands full, but here is the latest and greatest from the video blogs of NEEDTOBREATHE. Their big tour with Taylor Swift started this last weekend too! I admit I do like some of Taylor's songs, but I definitely did not buy a ticket to see her. These guys are worth it! Anyway, for some laughs, fun with vocals and a lot more insight as to how this upcoming album is going to sound (AKA amazing!)...check it out here!

This little quirky passion of mine is part of why you love me...right?

too busy to think

2011-05-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've checked in on my blog and reading those I follow, but have neglected to stop and post something of my own. I've been busy, busy, busy! The kind of busy where most days I leave in the morning and don't get home until it's bedtime again. It's just now slowing a bit and I've felt like I can rest a bit. I knew May would be a full month...and it lived up to its potential. It's not over yet, promising to end with a three day weekend! Yay for an extra day off! (I am salivating over sleeping in on Monday.)

In my last post, I told you that I was going to preach at Encounter Weekend, the retreat my church does. It went well...honestly, I don't remember much! (Good or bad, I am not sure...haha) Feedback post-preaching was positive. I even enjoyed it, once I got started. I think it's in the genes. My dad preaches, filling in for other Pastors when they go on vacation. I don't know when my next opportunity will be, but I can tell you that having come through the other side, it is such a blessing. It may have blessed the women who were listening, but what blessed me was how God stretched me, encouraged me and called me to believe for bigger. It made me lean that much harder on Him. Such a beautiful thing.

Not only did I preach, I helped run the event alongside about 12 other women! I did a lot of the sound/multimedia stuff, and working with the amazing women who led worship. It was a lot of responsibility, but I can look back on the weekend and see how much God used a group of women who felt much like me, not very capable, to lead women into a life changing weekend. I mean, who cannot be changed after devoting a weekend to God? It really hasn't been just the weekend...that was just a kickstart. Seeing their lives continually change after as they seek the Lord in every area of their lives is beautiful.

A lot of the first half of May was dedicated to prepping for that weekend, and then to that weekend itself. The next weekend promised to be just as full! I had one day "off" before my work's annual fundraiser, which took up an entire Sunday. It was a beautiful day, complete with a ring around the sun. And now I am sliding through the rest of this week into that three day weekend. So happy.

up too late

2011-05-11T00:04:00.000-07:00

It's past midnight and I am typing away what I'll be preaching this coming weekend at a retreat my church does, three days set aside to meet with God. I am so excited for what God's going to do in the lives of the women who are going...as I know what He's doing in me. I'm.going.to.preach. Such a privilege, one that I feel all but prepared for or capable of doing. But as I am teaching, God chose me. Not the other way around. And so I am up too late trying to get a draft together for a final edit.

In moments of distraction, I was reminded of this song. This girl is 15. She collaborated with one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Bear Rinehart of NEEDTOBREATHE, for this song that I am going to leave you with as I go back to work so I can go off to bed. Needless to say, I am blown away by her gift of singing.

Find more Ella Mae Bowen songs at Myspace Music

encouragement for today

2011-05-04T22:34:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd share a few things that encouraged me today.

This song. The lyrics are short and simple, yet incredibly beautiful and poignant. At least to me.

Come away with me, come away.
It's never too late, it's never too late,
it's not too late for you.
I have a plan for you, I have a plan.
It's going to be wild,
it's going to be great,
it's going to be full of me

Open up your heart and let me in

This blog. I really like the way Don thinks most of the time. The heart of this blog gets at the very heart of what I am trying to find my way to. Knowing God's love so deep that it overflows out of me.

http://donmilleris.com/2011/05/04/when-doing-good-isnt-really-doing-good/

And a visit from three of my best brotherly guy friends. This week is not usually the easiest for me, especially this Sunday. But I realize that God has been surrounding me with my friends. Tonight it was these three. They are such an encouragement! I hope they know.

Hope you are having a good week!

losing weight

2011-04-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

My whole life I’ve been overweight. I can’t remember a time where I was a healthy weight, except maybe a short period of time my senior year of high school when I was fairly close. It’s a generational struggle on both sides of my family. And I have been no exception. Because of this, I have had a very difficult time thinking it could be any different. Add to that the fact that I generally despise exercise as a whole (it just simply is NOT my idea of fun), and here I am.

Not only that, but I have been a person who tends to carry the weight of things beyond what I should. I am a feeler. I care deeply about those around me, and when they are hurting, I want to help. I want to make it better. Somehow, I figured that if I worried about them, I’d be helping. Growing up, I had a lot of worry. I have no idea whether I expressed it fully or not, I just know I felt it. Deeply. I worried most about my family, but there were other things too. It wasn’t my job to worry, but I did anyway...which is why this verse makes me laugh a little:

“And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span?” Luke 12:25

There was nothing I could do, and worry never helped, but there I was, carrying extra weight around like it was my lot in life. I am fully convinced that these two are linked. And for the first time in my life, I am beginning to find the determination to believe “why not?” Why can’t I lose the weight I’ve wanted to shed for years? Why not? Why wouldn’t I be able to live my life not worrying? It doesn’t mean I’ll be so carefree that I don’t bear any responsibility. It means that I will bear what I am made to bear...and to trust God when things seem like too much.

I am excited to say that since the beginning of this month I’ve exercised 15 out of 21 of the days! If you didn’t get the memo above, this is huge! Seeing that despising exercise pretty much meant that I rarely got around to it. I made myself a chart, and little goals, and I am on track! Not only that, but I am counting calories using myfitnesspal.com so that I am actually seeing what I eat, and when I probably should make better choices. Since the beginning of the month, I’ve almost lost 6 pounds. I don’t plan on writing a ton about my progress here, but I’ll likely share when there have been significant milestones hit. I have a long journey ahead of me, seeing as it took me almost 30 years to get here, and as much as I wish it would all just melt off...I know it will be more of a process of daily decisions to get there.

It’s the same for my worry and the things I think. I have to make a decision daily to agree with God’s word. To agree that He has given me all that I need to accomplish what He’s called me to do. To agree with faith and not doubt. I can do it, and already decisions I am making are changing the way I think.

So...I’m on a mission. To lose some weight. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. For those who are local, I’d love to have some walking buddies! :)

Happy Monday!

2011-04-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay...most Mondays are not that great compared to the weekend, but I thought I'd share the latest NEEDTOBREATHE video blog. It makes me happy...

It was a great weekend filled with the following:
Visiting people and bringing those that needed it some food
Cheap lunch with friends
Free foot massage with one of my dearest friends
Nap :)
Game night with a bunch of friends, followed by a Denny's run
Church, which was awesome and encouraging
First Philly Cheesesteak ever for lunch
Shopping
Princess birthday party
Target run
Show at SLO Brew (which included "Finn" from Glee's band! Bonnie Dune)

This weekend will include another great show in Santa Barbara with Ben Rector and Matt Wertz. Also we are doing a big BBQ and bringing free clothes to the neighborhood we've "adopted". I am so excited. For both.

But even better, God is giving me back some "fight". It's been really good since I last posted...I am not going to just sit down and let my emotions go wild. I'll share as things begin to unfold a bit in the next few months. I'll leave you with a few more videos...introducing you to the guys I am seeing perform later this week! :)

in between

2011-04-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't written recently...there are a few reasons. Besides being a little more busy recently and somewhat tired from all the weather changes that wreck havoc on my allergies, my computer charger also decided to quit on me...so I went on reserve until that problem could be resolved.

Another part of it is that I've been in a bit of a season of drawing into myself and building walls again. I don't like being in this place. What it means for me is that I feel very alone when I am here, mostly because I am shutting everything out. I used to do it a lot when I was growing up. I was still in the move and groove of life, but I could be standing in the middle of a crowd and I would feel completely disconnected. I also used to hide in my room quite a bit. I would be overwhelmed and want to fix all the problems going on around me, whether in my family or just the inner emotions of my heart. So I'd hide. I secretly always hoped to be found and pulled out, as though that would give me a reason not to keep building the walls. Maybe it would've. Either way, when I think of the times I hid the most, really those were the times I was farthest from God too. I never want to go back to that place.

So, why do I hide? There is a stubborn lie that has made its way into my life that essentially says that I'm alone, that no one really cares or wants to know the deep parts of me, and so in order to keep going when things get tough, I should just pull in and protect myself...because I am all I have. I know it's a lie. But there are times where it just feels so real.

I've been fighting this and at the same time, have been hearing the opposite, the truth...be free to be yourself. Celebrate who God made you. Share that with others...be real. Don't hide. One that stuck with me today was "To be unique just be yourself - because everyone around you is trying to be someone they aren’t."

I hear all of this and think, but I'm not really being who I want to be, who I feel I am made to be.

My left hand fingers hurt as I type because I spent about an hour before this playing guitar. One of my favorite things to do when I am not feeling great about things is to sing. To worship God. To use a gift that God has given me with absolute freedom and just sing. There is something completely freeing about that. Quite honestly I wish I had the confidence to step out and use that gift more. Sadly, right now, when I get in front of others and sing/play, I am so worried about what others think that I lose that freedom. For now, I mostly keep it to myself. It was a huge deal for me to post the couple of songs that I have on here. It frustrates me because there is a discord between who I know I could be and who I am right now.

Same with being single. Every ounce of my being aches to be a wife and mother. But I'm not. And I don't know how to get there. I feel like I am lost in the limbo of the career life, and taking care of others' kids so I feel some kind of connect to that identity. Don't read me wrong here. I don't always feel frustrated about life...I love my life...most days. But like everyone else, I have my struggles. My weaknesses.

It's funny though...while singing and being a wife and mother are aspects of who I want to be, it is not who I am. That is where I get all mixed up and turned upside down. They are functions in my life...not my essence. And when I feel this way, I have to remember that. Who am I? I am God's beloved. Chosen and called. Loved beyond reason.

In the meantime, I am at least letting God into my walls...and to help spur on my dreams, I played guitar until my fingers couldn't do it anymore and sang from my soul. There is not much I feel like I can do for the other part except to pursue the dreams God has put in my life and to enjoy it as I go. I have to trust that God's promises are true and that I just don't know his timing. So, here I am, a bit in the in between. I am sharing my heart here, mostly so that if anyone else feels like this, they know that they are NOT alone. That's the worst idea we could ever agree with.

a whole week?!

2011-03-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

...of NEEDTOBREATHE in studio?! Yup. Love these guys, what else can be said?

a little (or much) love.

2011-03-19T13:26:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to say hi to everyone, and that I genuinely am excited to have almost 30 followers...some of whom I've never met. I am grateful for your loyal following and hope that some of my ramblings bless you from time to time. I know there are also people out there who apparently regularly read this but don't actually follow.

I started this blog for myself just over four years ago, as a way to give my brain an outlet. My mom had just passed away and I felt a strong need to have a forum to express all of that emotion. At first, I had no plans to share it with the world...but over the years, I've gotten feedback that some of the things I've written here have helped others in their walk. And literally, I have followers from around the world now...it's amazing what technology can do to bring people together.

Some good things continue to happen...like I shared, my vacation was wonderful! Now that I am back home, I am launching into some exciting new things. My church is starting to launch new ways to serve our community, and today was the first day I got to be a part of it. So simple, but I believe it will be life changing to some...we are "adopting" areas of our city and going every week to bring food and hopefully in the future, other things to help meet needs. We are building relationships and creating better, more connected communities. I got to personally give out about 10 bags of food to families, and I can't wait to get to know them. To me, it's a great way to give a little love to the people around us.

So, thanks again for following...I really do cherish each one of you! (If you haven't read my previous post and subsequently gone out and made yourself a little emergency kit, apologize to yourself and go out and do it!)

Much love.

prepared.

2011-03-17T11:46:00.001-07:00

I just got back from a wonderfully relaxing and adventurous vacation, and under normal circumstances, would be spilling all the details...like getting guest listed by the headliner of a show we weren't planning on going to OR having a different headliner invite you and your friend to come and hang while they prep for their show...and buy you coffee. Yeah, it was a great time. I love the south and almost everything about it! But my last day in Charleston, I woke up to news of the devastation in Japan.

I don't really know why this particular tragedy is sticking with me so much or why it is making me think differently about my own preparation for a disaster...but it is. For the last (almost) 30 years, disaster preparation was for school or work, and I never once thought that I should transfer that to my home. Maybe it's because I am older and realize how precious life is and how fast time passes that my point of view is shifting. Up to two days ago, I was completely unprepared for any kind of disaster.

This is not a 'Chicken Little' post where I am calling out that "the sky is falling!" I am not overly worried or paranoid...but the reality is that I live in a state that has the potential for fairly large earthquakes. Also, I happen to live about 15 miles from a nuclear power plant. To not be prepared for something, even somewhat minor, is foolish. The situation in Japan has made that glaringly clear. To pretend that we can't/won't have the potential of something similar is also foolish. It is inevitable that somewhere in California, possibly near where I live, that an earthquake of high magnitude will happen at some point in my life. Why not be prepared? That day could be days, weeks, months, even years away...but at least now I can say I am somewhat prepared.

I am not writing all of this to encourage people to live fear filled lives with impending doom ever lingering at the back of their minds. God has our days numbered...only He knows how and when we'll go. Until then, we should live a life of trust. However, I would love it if during a disaster, my preparedness was able to help someone else in need. I would also love it if this post encourages you to make a little kit so that you too can be ready.

I went out and bought some water (recommended 1 gallon per person per day) for three days, canned goods that don't need cooking (i.e. tuna, beans, fruit), crackers, granola bars, a couple of flashlights and some cups/etc. My roommate strongly suggested we add diet coke to that list...ha. I made sure that we had a few candles and matches set aside just in case. That's all for now. I have a gallon of water in my car and a blanket...and we have tools and extra blankets in our apartment. If you want a more extensive list, go here. No matter where you live, there really is no reason why you shouldn't take a little time and a little extra money to have something prepared. So I ask, are you...prepared?

resigned

2011-03-02T15:42:00.000-08:00

This video, in a fun way, emphasizes the issue that I, and probably all people, struggle with. Giving God permission to make the decisions in our lives, even the small ones. I know that I don't come to God with all the situations I face, and at times, not even the biggest ones. I've been molded into the American dream, where I can do it all! Or if I don't/can't/won't, then I am not living up to expectations. I am an individual, headed for the best I can make in life.

The problem is that the American dream will and does leave you disappointed. Most times it requires sacrifice that actually steals away life, and attitudes that trample the heart. We buy into the lies and end up more confused and broken than we started. And instead of going to the one place, the one person who can help us, we continue the cycle of trying to seek the solution ourselves.

God will never take control of your life. I know that there have been days, moments, where all I want God to do is rip the control out of my hands and make me do His will. What a relief that would be...but, the truth is that if He did, I wouldn't have a relationship with Him. There is something beautiful about a willingness to trust and surrender. If we are willing, God promises not to fail us...

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

This verse is a simple reminder of the very reason I need to resign as the leader of my life. There is only so much I can do to prosper, only so much I can do to prevent harm. These things usually end up being a settlement for second best. God wants me to live. To be the full blessing He's created me to be...and to receive the full blessings He's reserved for me. It's starts with a resignation. A decision to agree with His word instead of circumstance or feeling. And so, here I go, resigning daily to my will, my thoughts, my actions. I choose God's. He has proven faithful and true, and those are the best odds.

because...

2011-02-23T17:39:00.000-08:00

...you can't possibly be tired of my NEEDTOBREATHE videos, right? I didn't think so. Haha. This time around, Bo is the one goofing off. I'm telling you, this new album is gonna be off the hook!

daniel fast pt. 2

2011-02-16T11:45:00.001-08:00

This morning as I was driving to work, I realized something. I was shopping last night for the food I needed to get through the rest of the fast, and I found myself drawn to stare down foods like mac n' cheese, donuts, and all things chocolate. I did not do anything but maybe slightly drool...haha. But the truth is that I wouldn't be drawn to those things if I had never tasted them before. Because I had, I knew what I was missing out on. And they sat there on the shelves of the store, taunting me. "Eat me," they laughed and said...but I refused to give in.

It's just like sin. Paul talks about how the law brought us awareness of our sin, and how that very awareness entices us all the more. Plus, most sin is fun or comforting...or we wouldn't desire to do it.

"But sin, taking opportunity through the commandment, produced in me coveting of every kind; for apart from the Law sin is dead. I was once alive apart from the Law; but when the commandment came, sin became alive and I died; and this commandment, which was to result in life, proved to result in death for me; for sin, taking an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me." Romans 7:8-11

The good news is that while we have this internal struggle over sin, we also have the Lord Jesus Christ living within us to help us fight that battle. He is transforming our very nature. While we may still have a desire for sin, we also have something within us that wants it as far away from us as possible. And through Christ, we have victory. Just like I was able to walk away from the trance that the mac n' cheese threatened to keep me in, we can begin to walk away from our sin. There is hope for your struggle. Whatever it may be, bring it to Jesus. He can and will give you the strength you need to walk away.

a little love...

2011-02-14T18:40:00.000-08:00

Maybe this won't make you smile as much as it makes me smile, but this is my way of sending a little love your way. How is this so? Because a little NEEDTOBREATHE in anyone's life will make it better. :)

daniel fast

2011-02-12T18:10:00.000-08:00

Right now I am just past the halfway mark of a three week Daniel fast. If you don't know what that is, basically, I am going without meat, dairy, sugar, breads that rise, caffeine, and most other junky foods that might not quite fit in the previous categories. The first week, I pretty much hated life. The food sucked, my attitude sucked, and I had headaches every day. I was hungry alllllll of the time and I had thoughts of quitting. But then I got to the second week. It was like a light turned on and I knew I could do it. Here's hoping for a strong finish, and I am seriously considering maintaining some of this after I am done. I feel better. It's hard to explain, but I guess it's true. If you eat well, you feel well.

God has especially been speaking to me during this time of sacrificial eating. Trust me, going to baby showers and not eating the cake, taquitos, and all other things amazing is not the easiest thing to do. I realize that I usually eat whatever I want. And I don't always make horrible choices. However, sometimes even decent or good choices aren't the best. In choosing to do this fast, I am refusing to give into my desires. My desires in the last week or so have been for fried chicken, donuts, red velvet cake, cheeseburgers....yeah. But instead, I've had salads, and couscous and rice and oatmeal. I also find it really easy to cheat. I don't know about you, but I have yet to find very many "Daniel fast friendly" restaurants to eat at. Salads are usually sub-par, and then you are left with few to little options beyond that! So, I've let myself cheat and have salad dressing so it's not horrible, or a little sugar in the oatmeal so I don't gag.

Just like this fast and my choices with food, we can live our lives in a similar way. We can do whatever we want. It's our choice. Sometimes we are even doing good things...and yet, they might not fit the best that God has for us. How many times can you remember denying yourself something you wanted recently? Most of us don't even think twice. We just go for it. Eat that cookie, buy that dress, go see that movie...like it's an automated response. Like a spoiled child. The truth is, I have been a spoiled child.

God is trying to show me His dreams, and I have been reluctant in some areas. I have chosen MY way, ending up with less than the best. And when I haven't gotten my way, I throw a fit as though doing so will bring about what I desire. Instead of making choices based on my desires or trying to follow God's plans but finding it easier to cheat a little, I know I need to seek out His best. While eating healthy and learning self-discipline has been beneficial in this season, I see that the realization of the need to desire God's best has been the purpose behind this fast. I do look forward to eating certain foods again, but I also can't wait to receive the dreams God has for my life. He's already showing me things, and I am getting giddy about diving in!

nathan angelo

2011-02-08T21:09:00.000-08:00

I don't even remember how I stumbled upon this musician, Nathan Angelo...I imagine it was probably while I was hopping around iTunes. There is a place that says something to the tune of "people who bought this also bought" and it might have been because of Dave Barnes. Or a good friend recommended him. Either way, stumbled I did, and I am so so glad. Nathan is one of the musicians out there who in my opinion doesn't make music for the sake of pleasing the crowd, but rather he writes from the heart. His style and sound is refreshing in a world that mass produces pop, chews it up and spits it out, only to move on to the 'next big thing'. He's got soul and the boy can saaaang. He's worth a listen to....over and over.

I don't usually write about musicians here (except NEEDTOBREATHE...haha), but I am realizing more and more how much music is a part of who I am. Lyrics quite often feel like someone's taken a sneak peek into the innermost thoughts of my own heart and have exposed them through song. That's why I've begun to share songs here. That and I'd love to give a little attention to worthy musicians out there. Like Nathan Angelo. He also happens to be my first concert on my trip across the country in March. His new CD releases March 4 and he's having a CD release party the next day in the very same city I am flying into. As he told me via Twitter, "It's meant to be"...yes, indeed. He happens to be in my top 3 artists I want to see but have yet to. Happy. You bet I'll take pictures, and share all about it when I return. In the meantime, check out these two songs I've posted. They are previews from his upcoming album.

(I would love for my future husband to sing this song to me one day....melt!)

Deo fidelis

2011-02-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

Deo fidelis.

The other day I was driving after dropping off the rent check, and I noticed this phrase written on one of our local government buildings. At first glance, I assumed that this phrase would be interpreted as "Faithful God". It was an encouraging word to me, as it was a sweet reminder of God's faithfulness. That to me can never be questioned.

But I went online to see what it meant and was surprised to find that its English interpretation actually means "Faithful to God". What a beautiful and powerful statement to be written on a governmental building.

I keep thinking about that phrase since the day I casually passed it.
Faithful to God.
It is what we are called to be.
No matter what.
It doesn't matter what the circumstances look like,
whether we are "getting our way",
whether we have been disappointed or discouraged.
We are called to be faithful.
We have a choice.
God will never stop being faithful to us.
Where do we stand?

Faithfulness and being a woman of faith is something God has spoken over my life.
I can't say that I've always lived up to that word.
But I want to.
I pray that I can be like Abraham in Romans 4.

“in the presence of Him whom he believed, even God, who gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist. In hope against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many nations according to that which had been spoken, "SO SHALL YOUR DESCENDANTS BE." Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform.”

this makes me smile...

2011-02-01T22:04:00.000-08:00

If only I knew how many days there were left till this album is released,
I'd be counting them down!

song of the week

2011-02-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

You can probably guess why I like this song so much...
This album came out officially today, but being on the West Coast has its advantages.
I was able to download it last night.
It has been on repeat all day (not just this song...ha)
Enjoy!

because I can...

2011-01-31T19:33:00.000-08:00

This post is simply because...

A. As you know I love NEEDTOBREATHE, and they are up to some fun stuff right now. Thought I'd share.

B. Sharing is caring aaaaand sharing is good, and in this case there is a reward for sharing!

Check it out. You won't be disappointed. In fact, you'll see a little bit of why I love these guys so much :D

this week in SLO...

2011-01-26T19:54:00.000-08:00

Here's a look into my life in the last week or so...

NEW BED!!!
It's soooooo squishy and big!
I thought that I'd wait until I got married to get a new one,
but a wise friend told me that if I can afford it now, get it now.
I guess you could think of it this way too...
I'm making room in my life for one particular dream to come true.

This is the top half of a thank you note I got.
One of my favorite little friends wrote the above.
Things like that make me melt inside.

I have a funny relationship with this cat named Chip.
He really likes me.
I am kind of allergic to him.
But I kind of like him too.
1. Here he is sleeping next to Steph. We thought this was cute.
2. Right now as I type, he is sleeping in this box. He's been in there for over an hour.
3. This is where I find him every morning.
4. This pretty much sums up my relationship with Chip. He's trying
really hard to cuddle with me.

Found this dress and a similar one at Target this week.
I love them.
Thought I'd share their cuteness.
I know it's not fashion week.
But I don't really care. ;)

Oh, and today...MY town was featured on Oprah.
Boo yah. Check it.
I went to a local Chamber of Commerce mixer tonight to celebrate,
and ended up in the background on the local news.

And in final news...
I found out today that one of the top 5 musicians I hoped to see this year
will be playing in Charlotte THE DAY I fly there.
Guess who will be there? Yup, me.
So far, I'll be seeing the following shows that week:
Nathan Angelo (big yay!)
Brendan James & Matt White
Chris August & David Crowder Band at WinterJam!

Getting really excited for March :D
Hope you are having a wonderful week!

scars.

2011-01-20T21:05:00.000-08:00

The other day I was driving around town somewhere and found myself staring at my right wrist. There lies a scar I incurred at the age of seven or so. I was pushing my cool Barbie Corvette and pushed it right into a crack in the sidewalk. I kept going. The car did not.

This scar is over 20 years old. The wound is healed, but the scar has yet to fade completely. A lot of things in life are like that. We fall. We get hurt. Over time, it heals, but it still leaves a mark. A reminder. We wonder if the scar will ever fade from the recesses of our memories. But the presence of the scar does not mean that we are NOT healed. We are.

Some scars never fade. They tell their stories even after we can no longer tell them ourselves. They are a part of our story, a part of who we are. We just have to be careful not to let them define us. It is what we've been through, overcome, and been healed through that defines us. And for me, it's my Healer that defines me. His scars tell a story too. A story of death, life and redemption. If His scars defined Him, all that would be told is pain and death. But it's what He overcame that makes Him so amazing. His scars simply remind us of that.

show and tell, things learned

2011-01-17T19:24:00.000-08:00

A few things learned this weekend that I thought I'd share:

always take a picture of your friends when they get their hair done.
even despite their protests. gorgeous, no?

if the only way you will take vitamins daily is through gummy form,
by ALL means, do it.

don't freak out so much about taking the Christmas decorations down right after the new year.
it's kinda nice to let it linger.

buy flowers for yourself.
also something you won't regret.

it's absolutely okay to go to a show by yourself.
i met new people, and ran into people i knew.
had a blast, and got to start using my camera.
may or may not have stayed up past 2am.
worth it.

glow.

2011-01-17T16:37:00.000-08:00

This Sunday, the Pastor's daughter shared an encouraging message which included the following two things. First, a poem. Second, Isaiah 58:6-9. What I absolutely loved about her message was that God made us to glow. And that is a message God has long written upon my heart, yet I have been at a loss on how to walk it out. I am hoping that this year will be the year I begin to break out and shine. To not be afraid of offending people by being the best I am. To let go of the lie that I was meant to hide behind the scenes. As you can see below, that certainly is not God's intent. For you OR for me.

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Isaiah 58:6-9 (the Message version)

"What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places— firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins,
rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again."

If you've never heard of a place called the Dream Center, check it out.
I'm excited that our church is going to start something similar here.
I can't wait to be a part of it.
God's restoration is beautiful, yes?

it's in the bag.

2011-01-16T18:42:00.000-08:00

One of my blog friends, Krystal, posted a similar post and I thought it would be fun. What lies in a purse lends insight into the kind of person they are. Here's mine (and feel free to do this yourself and share with me!):

Contents:
1. The bag itself. Bought at TJMaxx per a friend's recommendation. I love this purse!
2. Cheap sunglasses from Ross. I rarely pay a lot for sunglasses.
3. The checkbook. I don't know why I don't keep it in the wallet. Guess it's for convenience.
4. Bottle of water. I always have one.
5. Orbit gum. I also always carry gum.
6. Lotion. Another staple. Dry hands are gross.
7. Vitamin C.
8. Butterfly Flower roll on perfume from Bath & Body Works.
9. Small bottle of Ibuprofen. It has a picture of one of my best friends on it. I also realize that I forgot to number the pens. But I try and carry two, so I can always lend one.
10. My wallet. I had to have this. It was from the Liberty of London collection they sold at Target.
11. Keys. Essential. I don't like a lot of keychains, but I have 3. One with the Footprints poem on it, one is a hook so I can find my keys, and the bottlecap one was made for me.
12. Lipgloss from Sephora. Normally I carry one, but my roommate gave me the other, and I liked it too. So I currently have 2.
13. Burts Bees chapstick. One word: addicted.
14. Mini Benefit lipstick, just in case I need a little color.

***Not pictured, but also a staple: HTC Eris phone. :)

superficial.

2011-01-12T16:38:00.000-08:00

I am going to write a really lighthearted and somewhat superficial post...partly because I am in the kind of space where my emotions don't match what I am believing for and I am prone to outbursts of tears. This happened three times in one hour yesterday morning. Oh yes, yes it did. Anyway, it has to do with my last post and fighting to dream...but I am not ready to hash all of that out yet.

In other news, they are breaking ground in San Luis Obispo for the new Target!!!!! I squee giddily every time I drive by. This is very dangerous. You can ask anyone I know. Every day I can be found wearing something from Target. I used to work for Target. I am pretty confident that half the money I made there went straight back there. Ha. And now it will be within walking distance. Maybe I should make myself only go when I walk. Then I can't buy too much stuff! Oh. Dear. I used to have a buffer. A 30 mile buffer. I could only go when I really wanted to or I was in the area. Soon, oh-so-soon, it will flash its happy bulls-eye at me and draw me in...I think I will have to exercise more self-control than ever.

I also bought tickets to fly to Charlotte, NC and St. Louis, MO this last week! I am going to spend a week in the beloved Carolinas before heading to MO for a dear friend's wedding in early March. And no, I am NOT going to be seeing a NEEDTOBREATHE show while I am there. (Unless they happen to add a show...but that is not why I am going. Just clarifying. Everyone keeps asking.) I am, however, really stoked to see two other shows while I am there. Brendan James/Matt White and then WinterJam, which will include Chris August and David Crowder Band. So so fun! Now I am starting to plan out the rest of the details. It is an understatement to say that I am incredibly blessed to be able to afford this and have the time off. I feel like all the traveling I am doing lately is to make up for the years of, well, not.

I also bought a new camera that I am itching to try out...it's a beautiful Canon EOS Rebel XS Digital SLR. I think Friday night will be my first time really giving it a go. I hope to go to a local concert. Hopefully the quality in photography posted on here will greatly improve!

Hope everyone is having a good week. Despite my emotional-ness, I am having a pretty good one. I am super blessed. I can think of so many little things that prove that...free meals with amazing friends come to mind (x2 so far this week!) as well as seeing how much God is providing for me!

Oh, one last random and awesomely crazy thing...at the end of this month, I will be celebrating NINE years of working at OPTIONS. NINE. I am so grown up or something. Haha. What a blessing!

word.

2011-01-06T19:16:00.001-08:00

I always ask God to speak a new word into my life as I start a new year. It gives me something to look forward to as the year unfolds, and I have yet to not see God fulfill what He gives me. This picture above captures what God is pressing on my heart. The verse is Isaiah 61:3 "and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."

Oaks are incredible trees. They can live up to 1000 years if left undisturbed. Their root system plays a key role in helping them to survive the worst storm, as some oak trees' roots grow laterally up to 90 feet. There is very little that can knock them down. In looking at the verse above, I see that God wants to help me become so rooted in Him that I cannot be shaken. That He wants to bring joy and life to areas of my heart that need it.

This word is timely, as God is asking me to dream again. To trust Him with the things that I long for the most, and yet fear are just out of reach. It's like a poker game...as long as you have something in your hand that you think might bring you a good play, you hold onto it. This morning, God removed all the cards that I thought I had left to play. And last night, as I begun to write down my dreams for 2011, I realized that there was one I could not bring myself to write out. You see, I've written it every year since I started this tradition with the Lord. And not seeing it come to be has left me shaken. God is asking me to take my empty hands and let Him fill them. I am hurting and frustrated. But I am being honest. My hands are empty. I have nothing, no ideas how to "make" what I want happen. Except coming to the One who holds it all. Except clinging to His promises...His word.

a story.

2010-12-29T22:05:00.000-08:00

By day, Christina usually finds herself working in an office about the size of your average bedroom with no windows. She types away at her laptop dutifully, answering emails, writing case notes and annual reports, and making sure the billing is turned in on time. She manages approximately 80 cases on some level, all related to helping each one find meaningful employment. Each of these persons receive assistance based on one general qualification: there is some sort of "disability" involved...although these people often deserve jobs better than some "regular" folk out there. And to help manage the cases, Christina has a dedicated and gifted team of people including a job developer, a coordinator and other managers of more specific departments. What motivates her is seeing people reach their goals. Even goals that seem small to one person out there can make a world of difference to another. When there is success, life is good.

Every December for the past three years, Christina finds herself having to step into a different role...one more hands on. It is a fun challenge and gives her a chance to work directly with some of the persons she case manages. You see, every December, one of the areas within her department needs a little extra help. And it doesn't make sense to hire a person to come on board for only a month, so off goes Christina to the parcel service store!

As the packages come flooding in, each seeking to find its way just in time for Christmas, Christina is seen working behind the counter...processing, packing up those important gifts, and making sure all the information is right. She laughs as she sends boxes to streets called "None Such Place" and gets to put a smile on the customers' faces as they successfully get their shipments off in time. Her feet ache after the long days of standing, and her arms get a workout from lifting 40+ lb. boxes of wine! And even though working here at this parcel service takes away from the time she needs to spend in that little office doing the day-to-day office work, she welcomes the change, knowing that it only lasts a little while.

Every year, it's the same story. Christina comes along and lends a helping hand. She has help if she isn't sure what to do, but she does what she can and enjoys it! However, this year was different. Not only did she spend her usual month shipping packages, but during the last week, someone decided to leave her on her own to run the whole store! "Sure, no problem," she thought to herself in the weeks approaching this time. She would just pay extra attention and take diligent notes. It couldn't be that hard...right?

The night before the first of three days left her sleeping fitfully and dreaming that she showed up an hour late to a group of angry customers. Christina woke with anticipation of the responsibility she knew was coming her way, and got to the store about ten minutes early. While the dream did not come true, her start was not any less rocky. Several people came in right as the store opened, eager to get their items shipped off. And little did she know, but she did not have the right key to open two of the three main doors! With people confused and having to be redirected, Christina found herself quickly overwhelmed. Despite her promise to try not to call for help to the regular manager who was trying to have a vacation, she was left with no choice. One quick call and help was on its way...just in time...as the man who would make her eye twitch for the next two days walked in the door.

His face crinkled with frustration, the man began to explain how he had sent a package for next day delivery only to have it sent back...a package that was costing him thousands of dollars. Christina understood his frustration, but didn't know what to do. It wasn't her fault or the store's. The people who delivered it messed up somewhere, and now the package was back where it started...miles from where it belonged. So much for next day guarantee. Not only that, but the man had to wait four days, thanks to the Christmas holiday weekend. He ranted and ranted, and she stood there bewildered, until he promised to come back in a short little while. You see, the store was still crowded and Christina was not able to give him the answer he wanted, so off he went. Her rescuer with the key came shortly after, and stayed long enough to help her with the angry man's problem. With everything settled, she sent him on his way, with hopes not to have to bother him again.

Grateful that she also had the help of a long time employee (also someone she case managed), the rest of the day went well, although it was steadily busy. Christina had hopes that the next day would go oh-so-smooth. She still did not sleep well, but at least had all of the right keys! A rainy, cold morning, she knew things would be slower. No one waited outside the door on the second day. She could take her time making sure everything was ready for the day. She sipped her coffee and chatted with her helpers for the day. Though it started slow, things picked up. And just as a rush of customers came in, wouldn't you know it? That man, the frustrated man, walked back in the store...only to share that once again, his package was not being delivered. His tone of voice a pitch higher and his level of anger building, Christina began to feel her shoulders tense as this man started talking. But she'd seen how to handle it the day before. She got on the phone and got the assurance that the package would indeed be delivered. She sent the man home with the promise of a call when things were confirmed. She felt confident that she had done the right thing and proud that she didn't need to call for help. 10 minutes later, the phone rang. Haha, the manager of the store, despite being on vacation, was checking his email and saw that the package was having trouble again. Of course, he was on the phone with the shipping company and was trying to fix the problem from home!!! Sigh. So much for handling things on her own! A few more phone calls, and her dealings with the frustrated man would be over.

That second day ended with trying to fit a box that was slightly too long into her car before heading home for the day. It was needed for a packing job. Christina looked forward to her final day of this immense responsibility...which fortunately went off without a hitch. It was slow overall and to make things even better, the register balanced to the penny! She was asked to permanently stay, and although it was fun for a while, she was ready to return to her office. So, this Monday, the laptop will be ready, the billing will be needed and the emails will flow again. This adventure over, she anticipates what the new year will bring.

The end.

winding down.

2010-12-20T21:34:00.000-08:00

At the end of every year, I become very reflective and begin to look back at how the year went...whether or not I made my goals, how the word God spoke to me worked itself out during that year. This year, God wanted me to see His goodness, His blessings. And while there were some roller coaster moments and disappointments in 2010, I can look back and see how many times God has blessed me and shown me His love.

-I got to travel a lot this year...to North and South Carolina, to Sacramento, to Berkeley, to Las Vegas...and I have dreams and plans to travel even more next year! (Possibly Seattle, St. Louis MO, the Carolinas again, and maybe even New York!) I love traveling and the fact that I am finally getting to do it is amazing to me.
-God provided for me SO MUCH financially this year. When my car needed repairs to pass smog but I had just spent almost $1000 on other repairs and a few hundred on the Carolinas trip, I received more than I needed for my birthday. Then when my poor car decided to let the transmission go, God gave me the plan I needed to get out of credit card debt and to be able to make car payments on a much newer and nicer car!
-A new passion has been stirred up in me and I have been so fortunate to be chosen as a local representative for NEEDTOBREATHE's street team. It's hard to describe why I love this band so much, but as you have seen over this year, I am definitely devoted. Not only is their music high quality, but the guys themselves are incredibly sweet. I don't know where this will all lead for me, but I am enjoying it as it comes. I have met a bunch of friends through it, and I am excited to see where the band is headed. BIG things are in their future, and I hope to be a small part of it.
-I am so blessed to have the family I do, especially my dad and brother. They mean so much to me, and I know God is bringing blessings into their lives too.
-I have had a lot of FUN this year, and I am seeing that is meant to only increase.

There are things I didn't come to see like I wanted to, but it doesn't mean they won't. There were things I didn't want to see, but did...and there were goals not yet attained. What I feel God whispering to me over and over is to hope in the things unseen, to live in faith. And I am excited to see what 2011 holds.

etsy.

2010-12-07T16:02:00.001-08:00

I should not be allowed to look at Etsy. Good thing that I don't have the money to spend freely on whatever I want...or I'd end up with...

This gorgeous and classic looking necklace
This sassy purse
These fun shoes
and these funky ankle boots
This recycled scarf
A simple, but fun dress

I could spend hours and hours looking through Etsy...but I can't...shouldn't...won't.... :)

daughter. friend.

2010-12-05T21:24:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went to a meeting where many people from local churches gathered to pray and fight for each other...instead of with each other. To repent instead of building walls. To hopefully see through to the other side what it truly means to be one body together in Christ. And while being apart of this great gathering, God also gave me a personal word.

One of the leaders spoke this word...that we are already friends of God, sons and daughters of God. This is the greatest thing we can achieve while here on earth. We can become Presidents...we can become the best husbands/wives ever, but nothing can compete with the title of being God's friend. God's daughter.

Often times, I see the other titles as great things to seek after, as though they could make me more complete or more worthy. How wrong I've been. Nothing compares to the love that comes from being a friend and daughter of the King. Nothing. I have been chosen. I am loved. What a great thing. I pray that I continue to remember this as I walk this life. That whatever is given to me on top of this honored position can be considered a blessing...but that it could never be greater than what I already have.

worth sharing

2010-12-01T12:29:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say today...but I do have a few things to share on this fine lunch break!

A. This article. It made me tear up. Read it if you need any kind of encouragement.

B. Big news to finally hit the stands! Rumors had been flowing like crazy and though I was 99% sure it is true, it was finally announced... NEEDTOBREATHE is officially opening for Taylor Swift's "Speak Now" tour!!! This is bittersweet for me. I know this is the opportunity of a lifetime for them, and so of course I am excited, proud, and full of anticipation for what it will bring. BUT it also means the beginning of a new chapter, where the last chapter of more intimate shows and endless possibilities for interacting with the guys is ending. I hope and pray that they don't change as a result. And that they get the publicity they deserve! (and just a little bit, I hope they don't forget the little people...like me.) To celebrate, I'll share another new song of theirs!

C. It's December! This means that my roommate and I can start our Advent countdown :) Our house is decorated and we hope to get our tree this weekend. I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. Any time we get to celebrate what God has done in our lives is well worth it.

And while this may be completely ridiculous, I find it hilarious (Dave Barnes is not only a great musician, but is also a comedian). And it's related to Christmas, so here you go! My favorite one is the last song "Police never die" hahaha :)

loss.

2010-11-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I was in a bit of a funk, and it was hard to put into words all that I was feeling. It was my mom's birthday, and I have been sorting through other emotions...I think it's best I didn't write for a bit. This time of year can be kinda rough on my emotions, and I think my biggest realization in it so far is that when someone you love dies, you don't just suffer the loss of their presence in your life. You also grieve over the loss of the dreams you had with that person. In my case, I had dreams that my mom would not miss out on everything important in my life. She missed out on so much...my adolescence, my prom, my graduations (both high school and college) and all the in-between...I knew that she wouldn't miss out on my wedding. She wouldn't miss out on seeing my children. She would have something to share and say in those times. She would be there.

But she didn't make it to those things. She won't know my husband or my kids. She won't be there for those milestones...just like she wasn't there for the others. It's not that she didn't want to be. I think deep down she wanted to more than she could express. But she wasn't. And then her death meant death over those dreams as well. It hurts. When we don't see the dreams we long for find fulfillment, it breaks something inside us just a bit. It's why it says in Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

I am learning to trust in God when faced with heartache such as this. I am learning that even when things seem devastating, God has a plan...and that it is for the good. I am learning that I can still hope and dream...that loss doesn't have to be a setback, but simply a stepping stone. Grief and goodbye is a process that no one ever wishes to face. And I know that my mom will not be the only person I'll have to go through that process with nor have I seen all of its facets. It's a journey, sometimes painful, but thankfully one that I don't have to walk alone.

mish mash

2010-11-29T20:47:00.000-08:00

It's been a few days...or a week or so since I last updated my blog...haha, oops. I am pretty excited to share with my awesome readers that yours truly was featured on someone else's blog today! You should follow her if you like cool things like music, movies, art...So, to start my mish mash of a blog post tonight, here's the link to it:

The Girl with the Blue Bow

And since I have been a little more bold in sharing my songs with you lately, I thought I'd share my favorite one. It captures what I believe God wants me to live out. I have written about this song before, but only shared the lyrics. I apologize in advance...there is a slight editing hiccup in one of the choruses. I did my best to make it smooth.

In other news, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family and got to spend a few days with them, which I always treasure. I love that I can just relax, enjoy and laugh with them. I am looking forward to Christmas with them, and am actively on the hunt for the best gifts possible for them. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! There is much to be thankful for, yes?

lunchtime thoughts

2010-11-17T12:32:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot going on in my life lately...some of it really deep, and some of it just fun. I realize that this time of year always comes with mixed emotions...it is my favorite and well, not-so-favorite. It's hard to put it all in words. So this post is going to be a bit of a random assortment :)

Things accomplished lately:
- From my list of 29 things: went to Disneyland, went wine tasting for the first time, saw one out of at least two NEEDTOBREATHE shows, wrote a new song, walked through the Bob Jones trail, had a tea party
-Started to accomplish and attack paying off all of my credit card debt: I hope to pay the rest off by the end of December. (only $700 left! and I should be able to pay at least half of that this week.)
-Got a new car!
-I might have found a green dress that meets the standard of what I wanted on the list of 29 things :) It's in the mail. Let's hope I figured the measurements right...
-Started my Christmas shopping! Usually I start sometime after Thanksgiving...but I am on it!

Things I am looking forward to:
- Visiting my brother and high school bff in December, and seeing NEEDTOBREATHE two more times!
- Thanksgiving and seeing my family...and then Christmas to follow!
- Seeing God transform the way I think and dream
- All things Christmas. I love Christmas.

Other things I've been up to:
- Went to a church conference and despite being sick the whole time, had a great time. God spoke to me through several of the speakers, and I look forward to going back through my notes. I also spent the weekend with 4 amazing women with a great sense of humor. The 215 freeway kept giving us trouble...so much so that on our way home, we ended up in Barstow! Haha...and ironically our hotel room was #215....bahaha
-Been doing some extra work for NEEDTOBREATHE, heading up the shows in Minneapolis, Seattle and Las Vegas, and even helping gather data for the Europe shows. I love this little "side job". And I love all the people I meet through it.

Things God has been speaking to me about:
- Fear paralyzes. Too often I live in the "what if" and the crazy part about that is...most of the time, that "what if" never comes to be, and all of that worry is wasted time. It's why Jesus points out so clearly that we are not to worry. Plus, we are doubting when we do.
- My view of myself is clearly warped. Haha, and there is nothing I can do about it. BUT God can. And He is. I am learning to receive, and to dream.
- The difference between bringing truth in love, and being judgmental. This theme has been coming to the surface in so many ways lately...in my devotional time, in situations, in my memories. The bible verse "judge not, that you not be judged" is often misused and abused in my opinion. It's often thrown up as a defense that says don't you dare say anything about the way I choose to live my life...you have no right...see? But the truth is that as Christians, we are called to speak truth in love, to bring correction when necessary... Where we sometimes go wrong is when we come at it from wrong motives, thinking we are better than someone or from a heart to condemn. When we come from a place that is trying to save others from making choices that can hurt them, where is the judgment? If someone you love was walking toward a cliff that they couldn't see, wouldn't you intervene? How is this any different when we bring correction to each other? We have gone to the extreme of pleasing people to the point that we simply say "who are we to judge? It's their personal choice/belief. It's fine for them." I had someone very close to me use this verse to accuse me of judging them years ago, when my intent was to find out where they stood with the Lord. I did not want to get to Heaven and not have her there. And I have let her response mold how I approach people ever since. Don't let fear of rejection and judgment stop you from bringing truth to those who need to hear it. Ever. It's not a regret that you want to live with.

Music that has caught my ear lately:
- Chris August

- Dave Barnes

- NEEDTOBREATHE's live EP :) and new songs on tour! Here is one:

Anyway, that's all for today's lunchtime thoughts. Maybe this will become a new thing. :)

challenge: cook and shoot

2010-11-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

It's a photograph-kind-of-day! I love photography...and follow several amazing photographers' blogs, including this lovely lady, Susan Lloyd. I got to meet her in person on my trip to the Carolinas, and she takes wayyyyy better shots of our favorite band than I do. Well, she tweeted about this challenge tonight, and I decided to join her! Now, I wasn't cooking anything fancy but I have to say it was yummy! So, here is me cooking, and well, shooting!

A few things to note:
-The picture of "Need to breathe: Always" started out as our "Need to buy" list. A clever friend who knows of my love changed it, and I had to add always...and it's stayed since.
-And yes, in the background of that same picture, there is a bottle of Cheerwine in my fridge. :)

favorite picture...so far

2010-11-08T10:27:00.000-08:00

So I get challenged by a good friend all the time to take pictures, and her latest challenge is to post the best/favorite picture you've ever taken. Instantly my mind went to this shot. I love everything about it...it's of my favorite band, the lighting, the focus, the detail...for my little camera, I felt like a semi-legit photographer in capturing this shot. I am pretty sure I've shared this photo before, but I don't care! :)

NEEDTOBREATHE April 17, 2010- Music Farm, Charleston SC

like.

2010-11-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

I was typing up my last post and this song came on...as though it were a reminder of the promise God has long put on my heart. Thank you, Dave Barnes for this sweet little song.

pushed beyond comfort.

2010-11-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

I find it a bit ironic that I have written about my car issues and how I had hoped my Maxima would last for quite a bit longer than, well, it did. A couple of weeks ago, the poor thing began to show signs of pre-transmission death. Given the amount of money I already spent on it, I made the executive decision to replace it. At first, I wasn't sure I had the means to afford a nicer, newer car like I wanted. But God showed me how I could rearrange some finances and end up with a down payment, and pay off my credit cards!!! This, of course, made room for the car payment needed for a better car. And here it is...

(new car is dubbed "hi-ho silver")

One thing I saw in this situation is that sometimes (and for me, a lot of the time) we talk ourselves into accepting the average, the comfortable things in life because it's all we think we deserve or can afford or whatever the logic. I thought I was too far in debt and planned on driving the Maxima for as many years as it would give me. It was a good car, I am not complaining. But God had more. I would not have ended up with the car I have above unless God pushed me into it. He did just that, and gave me the plan. God's teaching me to dream bigger than my mediocrity. We should be thankful for what we have...but God also doesn't want us walking around with our heads down. He loves to bless us.

And when things go wrong or disappoint us (I certainly wasn't stoked about losing the Maxima), we need to let God work the situation for the good. We will have hard things happen. We will feel overwhelmed or grieve or face tough circumstances. But if we put it in God's hands, He can and will bring something good. He'll help us through.

In this case, I now have a low mileage, high mpg car that is stylin'! And I had peace though the process, as I knew God would help me figure it all out.

that's right...42.4 mpg...love it!

day 6...

2010-10-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

So day 6 brings you two looks.

One for work and
one for the Switchfoot concert!
Today, I am hopefully buying a car.
Not gonna lie, I am leaning heavy toward the...
Honda Civic Hybrid!

Yellow sweater- Old Navy
Blue v-neck- Gap
Necklace- little store at a concert venue
Green jacket- Target
Fake Vans- Payless :)

One more day!

day 5...

2010-10-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

I should be in bed.
I'm not.
Instead, I am posting my day 5 of fall fashion...
Car news...
I am "borrowing" 2 different cars over the next two days.
One is a Honda Civic Hybrid.The other is a Honda Accord.
I like both.
We'll see if one comes out a winner. :)

day 4 :)

2010-10-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

I'll let you in on a little secret...
I only wore this outfit for about two hours tonight.
I wore pinstripe pants and heels with the top and cardigan below,
sans scarf.
I had professional meetings to attend.
I liked this better for our little fall fashion shindig.
Hope you do too. :)

day 3...

2010-10-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

I love doing Fall Fashion week.
I wake up each morning to a bunch of compliments
that continue on through the day.
I love looking at everyone's ideas,
and storing them away for future use.
I feel bad that so far this week, since Monday,
my time has been eaten up by dealing with having
to figure out buying a new car.
You see, my beloved Maxima is dying.
Good ol' faithful car.

So I promise that when the craziness slows,
I will go back and comment on everyone's posts for the week!
I'll pick my favorite and leave a note.
Hopefully, the delay in comment will be a fun blessing as
we leave Fall Fashion Week behind.
But for those of you that have time now,
go compliment away HERE!

day 2 fall fash :)

2010-10-25T23:18:00.001-07:00

Sweater from H&M
Jeans from Ross
Shoes from Ross
Necklace from F21

I was inspired by the shoes when I glanced in my closet to see which ones would go with my orange-y sweater. Teal and orange are an awesome combo, I have decided. :)

See all the rest of the great fashionistas here!

fall fashion 2010- day 1

2010-10-24T22:04:00.000-07:00

I am posting this early, since I took pictures of this outfit in anticipation of this week. It was one of my first "fall" feeling outfits of this season. Chip wanted in on the action. :)

Happy fall! :)

point of view

2010-10-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

Last night I was faced with an unpleasant circumstance. I had some control over the situation, but I didn't like it, not at all. I was faced with having to do a ten hour day at Hearst Castle vs. doing what I wanted and needed to be doing...finishing the large amount of paperwork I had. I could have made someone on my team fill in, but in looking at all of the circumstances, it was better overall if I did it myself. But I didn't want to. And in the midst of this, I was tired, and not feeling great, so I quickly let myself get worked up about it...but made the decision to do what I didn't want to do despite not wanting to. And I went to bed that night asking God to help me have a better attitude about the whole thing, even though at the moment, I certainly didn't feel like it. I still was struggling with wanting my way.

I woke up in the morning, early in the morning, and earnestly began to pray for God's help. That I would connect with Him, that I'd have the strength to make it through the day...and with that, I rushed out the door. Not off to the best start, I got lost trying to find the first person I needed to pick up for the day. But once I figured out where I was going, I passed a street that was called "tranquillo". It made me laugh, and I took it to mean that I needed to breathe...

I managed to pick everyone up, and although we would be late, I let my mind let go of that worry as I drove through the hills of Paso Robles to Hearst Castle. There is a point in that drive where on a clear day you can see the ocean. Today was not one of those days. While it was sunny and beautiful on that drive, I could see a heavy fog enveloping the hills and the area where I was meant to be that day...in Morro Bay. I knew that God wanted to show me something with that picture, but it didn't quite unpack itself in that moment. Instead, I tucked it away and continued with my day.

Only later, after what turned out to be an 11 hour work day, did God finish showing me what He started to in the early part of the day. If I had gotten my way or forced my staff into taking the shift, I would have been in Morro Bay. I wouldn't have been able to see anything but gray fog everywhere. The sun was up and shining, but not anywhere that I could have seen it. Circumstances (i.e. the fog) were blocking my view. However, I chose the less favored way (at the time) and found myself in the sun, looking down on the gloomy looking circumstances. A lot of the time I choose to stay in the fog. Whether I reason that it's because it's what I have to do, or it's because it's what I know or even what I do everyday, I want to be there. It's MY way, and I want to be there. It doesn't matter if choosing to be above those circumstances would be better overall, it isn't MY idea, so to heck with it. Literally if I had chosen MY way today, I would have been in the fog.

(not actual picture...just one taken and edited for effect)

The only way to see the sun was to be moved into a different situation. In fact, my point of view was one where I was literally above the fog, looking down on it. From there, I could enjoy the sun and clearly see that where I would have been was missing out. God showed me that the sun represented His good plans. His promises. They are always there. However, sometimes, something blocks our view of that. And we have a choice. To stay where we are, going our own way OR let God lead us out and bring us to a place of a new perspective. It's our choice. Things look very different from one place to another BUT the reality of things does not change. The sun still shines even on foggy days....we just may not be in a place where we are able to see it. I am praying that God would help me see things His way...to change my perspective. I have seen way too many foggy days in my life. How about you?

rearview mirror

2010-10-15T22:44:00.001-07:00

This photo shoot brought to you once again by Photo Freak.
Challenge was to capture yourself in the rearview mirror of your car. :)

boys and girls

2010-10-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

Boys and girls like each other. From a young age till we are old and gray. Boys and girls like each other. This weekend my church is having a seminar on this subject, and at first, it seemed like it was for those already dating or newly married. Then someone (I think our Pastor) got up and said, "no, it's really for anyone, dating, married, anyone who wants to get married". You'd think that given that I am in the latter category my first reaction would be "where do I sign up?". Haha, no.

Instead, I began to slightly panic. This very issue...the war between my deep desire to be a girl who likes a boy who likes me in return and the, well, lack of said boy...has caused me to wrestle with faith to still see that it will happen. In fact, I imagined myself showing up at this seminar wearing a scarlet letter with an 'S' for single...not only that, but that I'd be the only almost-30 person in the room, looking at her prospects...all under the ripe age of 25. I realize, of course, this is not what is going to happen. NOT AT ALL. In fact, it is an amazing opportunity to hear from people who have successful marriages. And I have lots of other friends, though slightly younger, who are going to be there eager to get Godly guidance in this area of their lives.

God confronted me on my lack of faith on Wednesday morning. I was reading His word, and got to the following words: "my God in whom I TRUST"...I saw that though there were areas I completely trusted God in, this area was one I did not. In fact, I was frustrated that at the age of 29 I was not only single, but had not seen the possibility of a prospect in over 10 years...nor do I see one coming my way. I was losing my vision and dream for marriage because I have been letting circumstance steal away from that hope.

Really I was upset that MY plan did not, has not panned out. Never mind that God has perfect timing...what have I been thinking? Why is it that I have this incessant need to control and plan everything? God asked me again to trust Him...FULLY. And I have begun to do that again. What I am asking Him to help me do again is dream. To be able to hope for the future in a way I have never done.

I am really excited to find out who the man God chose for me is. Really. But in the meantime, I am realizing how much fun I am having. I am confident in who I am and what I love in life. And that is important because I'll know when that man stands in front of me and likes me, it'll be real. So, tomorrow, I'll be at that seminar, soaking in all I can get to be that Proverbs 31 wife one day. And I can't wait.