Monday, February 13, 2012
Ohhhhh Valentine's Day, how I have a love/hate relationship with you. All of the advertisements, all of the hype...all working together to remind me that I am single. Because it is so prominent, people are bold to ask if you have plans, if you are dating someone, etc. Reminded once again.
I do have plans. I don't know much of the details, but I've gathered that it is a fairly large group and we are dressing up. I was asked yesterday, however, if I wanted to go on a real date. One-on-one, taken out so that I could be known. Let me clarify, this question was posed in the hypothetical, by a girl who was dismayed at the thought of many of us single ladies going on another group "date", the equivalent to a fancier hang out that takes place on a regular basis. My heart and my mouth said YES. Of course I do! While I am really grateful to have a group of guys who want to do SOMETHING in order to make us ladies feel special and to get us out of the house on a night that would normally keep us home bound or babysitting, I would rather be on a date. Week after week, whether at group hang outs or at church, I am lost in the sea of other women where it is rare that a conversation makes its way past the somewhat superficial. A one-on-one hang out (it doesn't have to be a date) pushes past all of that and forces the two people to actually get to know each other. Maybe it'll be worth another hang out, maybe it won't. But we'd know. And we could move on past that unknown of whether or not that person we are attracted to has something deeper to connect to.
Group hang outs are a great place to start. I'm not knocking those. In fact, they are needed. That is where two people can meet and build an interest in a safe environment. The problem develops when no one is willing to step out and say, "hey, want to grab coffee sometime?", and all that continues to happen is the group hang out. People can develop something here, but it's rare. There are too many distractions...and as witnessed at a recent one, the scene often becomes much like a junior high dance. Guys on one side, girls on the other. The guys and girls that DO mix are often the ones who mix all the time and have established a clear line of friendship. It's almost painfully amusing to watch.
Oh Valentine's Day, what am I to do with you? Every year, you swing in with a hope of something special and so far leave with some level of disappointment. I know this will not always be so. Hence the love/hate relationship.
With one day left, I am pretty sure I will find myself tomorrow night in the sea of other women, bumping elbows with gentlemen full of potential. I will laugh and have a good time, but will likely walk away still mostly unknown. One sweet Valentine's Day that will change. There is still hope for this one, but it's fading fast.