no plan B

 Hi guys! I'm back! Hopefully for real...here's the latest...

For as long as I can remember, I have been a planner.  I like to know what to expect. I also like to know what I can do to help keep things on track. There have been a few areas in my life where I have felt completely out of control, and yet I’ve tried my best to do what I could.

In case you couldn’t figure it out, the main area has been marriage.

As you know, I tried online dating...and consistently maintained an interest in someone, just in case, you know, that plan B.  It was as though not being interested in someone meant that I was giving up.  Doors shut, no one allowed to come in.

About two weeks ago, I felt led to let go of my back up plans.  It was time to put everything in God’s hands and stop trying to make something happen.  It doesn’t mean shutting the door or not being open to possibility.  It meant letting go of the responsibility of making my future marriage happen.  It felt freeing and terrifying at the same time.

My biggest fear with not having something to hold onto is that it meant I couldn’t possibly know what to expect...and even worse, I look around and there are no possibilities left.  But God has a funny way of showing me how easily He can open doors or create possibilities.

The other night during a hot tub excursion, a few friends of mine and I were whining  talking about how there was a lack of men our age in our lives.  How we need them and their manliness to balance out our sometimes crazy femininity.  It wasn’t a long discussion, and we moved on fairly quick.  Only a few moments later, we look up to find a very handsome man, our age, coming to join us.  We’ll call him Mr. Fireman.  Yes, one of the many things he does in life is fight fires.  Let’s just say, he fit the manly bill.  And so we talked, for almost an hour, before going our separate ways.

And then there was today.  I had jury duty.  I walked in, and had to be scanned twice because my purse had too much stuff in it to be sure I wasn’t carrying something dangerous (ha! like I am any sort of danger...). As I am putting my belt back on, I see this, yes, guy my age.  He says something to me about how crazy the security guys were, and then we walk together to the jury room.  We don’t say much, but already it’s like we’ve formed a partnership...mission: get through jury duty.  We both walk over to the sign in spot, and finish at about the same time.  We both look for seats.  I see some open ones in the middle and head there.  He follows.  He sits next to me.  Did I mention he’s a good looking guy?  So I ask him what jury duty is getting him out of, and find out he works at a winery.  So Mr. Winery and I spend the rest of the time talking until we delightfully get told we are excused.  We walk out together, and as we each try and figure out where to exit, I realized we split up.  So did he...how do I know? I looked back and saw him looking back.

In about a week’s time, I met two men. Both handsome.  Both easy to talk to.  Both without trying.  I feel like that is more than I’ve met in the last year! Hahaha....I’m pretty sure God is trying to tell me something.  He can bring someone into my life at a moment’s notice.  I don’t have to search high and low, or work hard to make something happen.  It can just happen.  Although neither of these encounters produced anything beyond pleasant company, I know there was a purpose.  God can do more than I can, quicker than I can, better than I can.  And if I can just stay in this place of trusting Him and following His lead, I know I will see great things.  One of those great things will be my husband.  

I think my plan B has always been pretty lousy anyway.  I’ll take God’s way over mine.