passing moments

My heart was seized this afternoon
by a woman at the gas station
She smiled gently as she got in her truck
Her dog glanced up from its comfy blankets in the back
She had a look in her eyes that told many stories
and a familiarity that shook me to the core
Short in stature, with short blond hair,
she reminded me of the very woman
who gave me life
Her presence flooded memories and
thoughts into my mind,
causing me to wish she were a different person
smiling back at me
And I wept
I was overcome in one moment,
A moment that would not pass by
like so many often do
It tugged on my heart and
heavily sat as I drove off
Not many nights ago
I dreamed that I was watching her sleep
and now a complete stranger has
brought me to tears
So powerful this moment was

beautiful bride and her lovely lemon bars

I had the privilege and honor to be in my friend Aimee's wedding last weekend. The day was so joyful and full of peace; the Holy Spirit was leading the way. She radiated in beauty and everything went off without a hitch. She is married now, beginning a wonderful new chapter in her life. I am inspired by her relationship with her now husband, how they let God bring them together. I am encouraged that God will do the same for me. And I am excited for their future and all the blessings that are just now starting to multiply as a result of their union!

song bits to describe me as i am now...

"A war is already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to put the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
See my life will turn out right
And I'll make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt, 'cause...

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to put the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you

Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring

But You look at my heart and tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe, even though...
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to put the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you"
-Francesca Battistelli, Free to be me

"Standing on the battle line
I fight for my mind aching to be free
This war that I face as I long to embrace
And be with my King

And this fire in my soul, desire to be whole
Is deep within my bones
And I long to be near as I cast away my fear
Running for your throne"
-Shawn McDonald, Clarity

"I wont run when it looks like love
I won’t hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone

I wont run when it looks like love
I can’t spend another night alone
Regretting what I’ve done
So, I won’t run"
Needtobreathe, Looks like love

A battle in my heart and mind, to let go of all shame and the weight of the past...to live in love. God is love, and in His love, I am free. From His love, I can in turn, love the way He has created me to love. A battle to believe every part of His word is for my life, for me. I am in a fight, and I am grateful to know who has already won on my behalf.

Princess Diaries syndrome

I have always secretly loved Disney's Princess Diaries, and I could not put my finger on why. Could it have been me reflecting on my inner child? Or perhaps just the sweetness of the story? The basic premise of the story is about a young teen who finds out that she is the heir to a throne in Genovia, thereby making her a princess. She has lived her life quite contentedly behind the scenes, so much so that she is often sat on. But there is something inside her that has always had her longing for more. She gets that chance and freaks out. She goes on a journey to discover what it means to be a princess, and then has to make a decision whether or not to accept it as her role. It is a tough decision, as she has been so used to a lifestyle quite opposite from royalty. In the end, she chooses to push through her fear of the unknown and take her place as princess.

Last night as I was praying, God vividly brought this story to mind. He spoke to my heart about who I am and who He is calling me to be. My story is not unlike this young teen who only believed that she could be one type of person, but was destined for greater. I have lived my life as an ordinary girl, blending in, doing what I could to make the best out of what I have. And yet, God has called me His Princess. I have a choice before me, to believe and enter into His identity or to sit back and continue to live in the comfort of what I know. I know that living as God's princess is where I am meant to live, and I am learning to believe. And now I understand why I love that movie so much...