Sunday, August 2, 2009

remembering your salvation

Almost eight years ago, I had a powerful encounter with God. He changed my life, and it really has not been the same since. Recently, He has been reminding me to remember my salvation. That feeling of when He went deep and I made the decision to live my life for Him. I am being saved daily, but that moment was so important. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we are doing that we forget why we are doing it in the first place. This is why I am remembering. I wrote the following the night of this encounter on 10/2/01:

From the moment I was conceived
You had your gentle hand
Around my little beating heart
I grew not knowing of your love
Until later years
You called my father into your arms
When I was five
Bringing me closer to you too
I learned your stories
And sang your praise
Believing you were real
Even when my parents divorced
The pain was so strong
I could have been weak
But you would not let me
So much temptation
Surrounding my everyday life
But you held my hand
Guiding me away from danger
At age 12, I knew you
I wanted you closer
Yet at that wonderful time of openness
I, instead, began to look away
I never doubted you
But I never leaned on you either
I pulled away from your grip
And felt I was strong enough...alone
I was not ready to give it all to you
Even as I fell away
You never left me
Your arms always stayed open
Protecting me from horrible decisions
You saw not what I seemed to be
But what I was meant to be
I would look back and see you
I would come back here and there
Not fully, still not ready
And you knew, you waited
I went to church, I was supposed to
I even taught Sunday School
My heart was not quite there though
I kept going through the motions
High school ended
I started to feel even more lost
Loneliness ached inside me
But I shut my eyes tighter
And your embrace did not loosen
Two years and it was time to leave home
You found me a home
You brought me here
And although I did not have to
My parents were not here to make me
I felt compelled to find a church and go
You were pulling me
And for the wrong reasons
I found myself in your Presence
And both times I cried
The first time I thought I was home sick
But needed to be there
Tonight I cried too
But unexpectedly, suddenly
I was right, I needed to be here
In your arms
It was finally time
And there you stood
Smiling, knowing, loving
As you always have been
I cried harder
Ashamed at knowing I had not
Fully known you, loved you, trusted you
You surrounded me with prayers
From strangers, yet sisters in your love
As you forgave me
I stopped shaking, but tears still flowed
Thankfulness filled my heart
And the shame and embarrassment melted away
I am your child
I am beautiful in your eyes
And I found myself humbled at your feet
A new peace in my soul
You pick me up and hold my hand
So that I can walk with you
I do not deserve your mercy
But you freely give it
You still hold my heart
In your gentle hands
And if I ever stumble again
I know you will not leave me behind
Your patience is overwhelming
I will never be alone
You are always with me
Today I pledge to give my life to you
Not just part of it
Hold it close and keep my faith strong
Because God, I need you.

1 comment:

Anne-Therese said...

I love this. I don't know but I think you might have shown me this after you wrote it. I think I remember going up to your room at Mustang. I'm so glad we have been friends for a long time, and have traveled through many seasons together. :)