bride-like l o v e

I went to a bridal shower this weekend, and one thing that is consistently impressed upon me by any upcoming bride is anticipation. Anticipation to spend an increased amount of time with the man that they love, an anticipation for all the new adventures, an anticipation to be fully joined to him. The closer to the wedding it is, the greater the anticipation...especially in Christian marriages. They can't get enough of each other. Going home at night becomes painful...because so soon they won't have to anymore. They long for a time when there will be no more hurdles or separation.

I don't know this kind of love, and sometimes wonder if I ever will...

But while I don't know what it's like to be a bride getting ready for marriage, God is showing me that this kind of love is what He takes delight in. He wants me to seek Him out in anticipation every day, because He does the same for me. He takes delight in me. "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 God uses several examples of love in a marriage relationship to describe His love for us. He commissioned Hosea to wed a harlot, a woman known for her unfaithfulness. One of my favorite books written loosely to reflect this story is called "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. God has shown me that there have been times in my life where I have been that harlot, offering my love to other things...things much less worthy than His love. And yet, as Hosea was called to return, God's heart always turns back to me. Even when I haven't turned back yet. Even when I am still searching for another love.

The book of Song of Solomon is another depiction of bride-like love. God has often shown me that His love is like that, romantic and captivating. The bride seeks out her love, and does not rest until she finds him. I want to be like that...but often find myself acting more like the harlot selling herself for the lesser things. Why do I? I believe He loves me...but feel as though I don't deserve that love. What is missing is an understanding of grace. Without grace, we will never be able to receive His love fully because we will discount ourselves. And we then, begin to look for the lesser love.

My heart in this season is to seek out the best love, and to learn to love like a bride. To not settle for anything less, even when I don't think I deserve it. True love lavishes...it does not hold back. I have much to learn, but am ready. "How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!" Song of Solomon 4:10

one spot.

So, I follow this blog...and it keeps on encouraging me to take pictures of things and post them. I have to admit that I secretly enjoy these assignments very much! The latest assignment was to go to a spot, any spot, and find beauty. I cheated a little, in that, I actually took these shots from two different spots. BUT they will be differentiated.

Spot 1:

i love old fashioned furniture. it is simply classy.

fireplaces are so fun! love the shadow...

a contender for my fave photo of the night. this is the only ring i wear,
a reminder of the kind of woman
God made me to be...a woman of faith.

i liked that i could peek through a hole and see beyond.

this makes me want to see two people in love leaning in toward each other in these seats.


Spot 2: (because there were no people...)

the waiting wall. love the dangly feet.

action on the dance floor!

other contender for fave photo. i love that i captured this moment
between two people whose story i do not know.

and walking out, these two glasses sat, satisfactorily empty. i liked that.

I have dreams now, Jess, of owning a much nicer camera than my point and shoot...and have fallen in love with editing. I blame you. I am learning that you don't have to have the best equipment or even the best skills to make great artistic shots. You need your own style, and need to not be afraid of using tools to help. This was fun. :)

refined.

Lately I have had a lot on my heart, and not a lot of ways to express myself. In fact, I have pulled away from people in the past two months, mostly so that I could know without a shadow of a doubt what God is speaking to my heart. Pulling away is a defense mechanism long used by me...which has its good and bad parts. In this season, I feel like it has been fitting. I am a person who often is swayed by circumstances, emotions and what others are thinking/feeling/doing. I have prayed that God would help me to sway less and be grounded more. And at the end of this period of time, I can honestly look back and see that God has begun to refine me.

I still mess up pretty badly sometimes... I was teaching first aid today and was talking about abrasions and how I was the queen of scraped knees when I was growing up. My legs were too long for my body and it had no idea how to handle it. Haha, holey pants were the result. And sore knees. I still fall, just maybe not in the same way. I fall spiritually. I distance myself from God sometimes because I begin to doubt or I get prideful and keep going on my own. And I fall. But I get back up. I realized recently that I wasn't quite sure of my walk...whether or not I would keep getting back up if the road got rougher. I couldn't place confidence in myself. So I asked God to show me my heart. I needed to know. God reminded me of the verse when Jesus asked the disciples if they were going to leave him, after many people decided it would be too hard. Their response- "Lord, to whom shall we go?" Their response, and mine. I knew, and know tonight, that without a shadow of a doubt, that where God calls me, I will go. I will follow Him, and Him alone.

I still have emotions to sort in this season...things to conquer and things to protect. Pulling back from everyone around me has allowed me to see a lot, not only in the lives around me but in me. I am coming out the other side confident in Christ and what He is doing and where He has me...even if I don't know all the details. I have not experienced that before. I have been so uncertain, mostly because I was putting my trust in myself. I felt like a servant, not a daughter. God is refining me...and showing me His heart. So, even though I have felt very alone lately, God has used it to help me. I am not afraid of falling anymore. If I get bumped, bruised, scarred, and beaten along the way, but accomplish what God calls me to, it is worth it. No one said it would be easy. Just worth it. I feel like the picture above describes where I am at perfectly. A little scraped up, but pressing on in joy. God is so faithful.

*On a funny side note, but kinda related...as you all know, I am actively praying for the promise of my husband. A dear friend, who loves Lord of the Rings even more than I do, was praying for me and in regard to God's timing and my husband, she changed this quote slightly but said "He is never late nor is he early, He arrives precisely when he means to." Well said. Bring it on. I hope he means to arrive soon. :)