losing weight

My whole life I’ve been overweight. I can’t remember a time where I was a healthy weight, except maybe a short period of time my senior year of high school when I was fairly close. It’s a generational struggle on both sides of my family. And I have been no exception. Because of this, I have had a very difficult time thinking it could be any different. Add to that the fact that I generally despise exercise as a whole (it just simply is NOT my idea of fun), and here I am.

Not only that, but I have been a person who tends to carry the weight of things beyond what I should. I am a feeler. I care deeply about those around me, and when they are hurting, I want to help. I want to make it better. Somehow, I figured that if I worried about them, I’d be helping. Growing up, I had a lot of worry. I have no idea whether I expressed it fully or not, I just know I felt it. Deeply. I worried most about my family, but there were other things too. It wasn’t my job to worry, but I did anyway...which is why this verse makes me laugh a little:

“And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span?” Luke 12:25

There was nothing I could do, and worry never helped, but there I was, carrying extra weight around like it was my lot in life. I am fully convinced that these two are linked. And for the first time in my life, I am beginning to find the determination to believe “why not?” Why can’t I lose the weight I’ve wanted to shed for years? Why not? Why wouldn’t I be able to live my life not worrying? It doesn’t mean I’ll be so carefree that I don’t bear any responsibility. It means that I will bear what I am made to bear...and to trust God when things seem like too much.

I am excited to say that since the beginning of this month I’ve exercised 15 out of 21 of the days! If you didn’t get the memo above, this is huge! Seeing that despising exercise pretty much meant that I rarely got around to it. I made myself a chart, and little goals, and I am on track! Not only that, but I am counting calories using myfitnesspal.com so that I am actually seeing what I eat, and when I probably should make better choices. Since the beginning of the month, I’ve almost lost 6 pounds. I don’t plan on writing a ton about my progress here, but I’ll likely share when there have been significant milestones hit. I have a long journey ahead of me, seeing as it took me almost 30 years to get here, and as much as I wish it would all just melt off...I know it will be more of a process of daily decisions to get there.

It’s the same for my worry and the things I think. I have to make a decision daily to agree with God’s word. To agree that He has given me all that I need to accomplish what He’s called me to do. To agree with faith and not doubt. I can do it, and already decisions I am making are changing the way I think.

So...I’m on a mission. To lose some weight. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. For those who are local, I’d love to have some walking buddies! :)