Monday, January 26, 2009

moments....


Have you ever had a moment in your life that you realized just changed everything? Where all of a sudden what you thought was one way is really headed in a different direction and you can point to the exact moment, but you are not sure what to do about it? I had one of those moments yesterday afternoon in a coffee shop. In a matter of minutes, I had to begin to unpack all of my thoughts and feelings and sort through them so I could place them elsewhere. To some degree, I was fully prepared for that moment, but in a way, I was hoping for a different outcome. The Lord had been faithfully preparing me since the day before, and perhaps even in the months prior. I am only beginning to understand the new path I am headed down, and why. I feel like I am stepping out into a new world, and while somewhat painful, I feel like the veil is coming off. In the months before this moment changed things, I had begun to hope for something I had lost hope in. This moment threatens to take that hope back with it, but I am fighting to hold onto it. Just because the moment took away the instigator of the hope, it doesn't mean that the hope is lost. Perhaps the whole process was intended to regain that hope so that I could regain a firm hold on it. The Lord is tearing down the arguments as I am processing this moment, and I am feeling raw and vulnerable. Yet, I feel safe and protected. He called me to trust Him, and I am choosing that daily, moment by moment.



I felt strange walking to my car this morning, because things were different. So different. And yet, I was still moving forward. I am grateful for the Lord's faithfulness as I learn what this means.

2 comments:

Katie said...

It really is so strange to do the "normal" routine while everything feels so different. It feels like the universe should somehow recognize your alteration and that your usual actions should alter as well. It's a horribly ironic reality to be hit with. But I think that might be part of the building of our characters--how we act in the face of change.

Christina said...

absolutely. good way to describe it.