Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Being a woman on the verge of turning 30...still single despite a deep desire to be HARD.

It has made me think a lot lately about the reason why. I look around and see plenty of handsome, Godly single men around, and yet many of them are not pursuing anyone. I've heard arguments of them wanting their lives to be lined up so they can be the provider. I've heard that church dynamics make it intimidating to make a move. I understand...but it breaks my heart. I wondered if this delay in pursuit was just a prevalent thing in my area OR if as suspected, it's a bigger issue making its way through our society that just so happens to be affecting the men around me.

I stumbled across this blog by Pastor Mark Driscoll today which said, "The mainstream media has also picked up the gender issue in a cultural context. In recent months The Atlantic, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal have run major stories chronicling the fact that young, single men are not growing up as quickly, attending college as frequently, or assuming responsibility as maturely as their female counterparts. As a result, many women simply expect to not marry and are preparing to become mothers and live life on their own because they struggle to find men stable and dependable enough to share life and its responsibilities." The included links, though explored through a worldly viewpoint, expose a pattern long woven into the fabric of our lives. It is now reaping the results. And this pattern is wreaking havoc on my love life.

Of course, this is not the sole blame for me being single still. I am not blaming anything. I trust that God has a plan, and that plan clearly is not within the design of MY timing. If it were, I wouldn't be here, now, writing this post. But my purpose, I guess, in writing this is to bring awareness of the attitudes and thoughts that are permeating the world around us. And maybe, just maybe, some men will read this and ask themselves why they wait.

You see, while there is delay, we women are waiting. We are left to protect ourselves, which we were not born to do. We are left to provide for ourselves, which is not what we want but do out of necessity. We can do these things, and do them well. However, we are trading in the roles we desire to fulfill in order to take care of ourselves. I love how Stasi Eldredge states what women desire- “to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a grand adventure, and to unveil beauty”, to which I would simply add “to be protected and provided for” as well. While we are left to our own devices, we end up misusing the gifts we’ve been given because we feel like we have no other choice.

I am praying about what I can do while I wait. I pray for my husband...a lot. Not just that he would find me soon, but about his relationship with God, his future, his heart, his protection. I pray that he would be the kind of man who breaks through the hesitancy in our generation to be the man God created him to be.

I want to see the men around me rise up in confidence, see themselves how God sees them, and not fear any success the women around them have obtained. I re-read Proverbs 31 the other day, and I realized that God has made women for success and honor. Men should not be intimidated by it, but rather be seeking these kinds of partners. I am wholly convinced that two are better than one, though everything around me cheers independence on. How much more beautiful are the two when their foundation is built on Christ, and yet for somewhat petty reasons, people my age delay marriage...sometimes not even on purpose. I pray that we would begin to see how the patterns of the world have affected our lives and take a stand, fighting for marriage with guidance from the Holy Spirit. That is key.

I'd love to hear any thoughts...from singles, those dating/engaged, and married folks! Obviously this is an issue weighing on my heart!


Emily said...

Great post Christina and so honest. I agree that we are not designed to take on the roll of the man. I too want to be protected and provided for and not have to do it all myself.

I don't know much on the latest studies their doing but I wouldn't doubt it. There's a lot of selfishness out there where they don't want to have to 'think' of someone else but themselves. Happy be single, not having to care for someone else, for both female and males and it's sad the direction its going. But I haven no doubt he's out there. Where in SLO or a whole other city or state, God's fine tuning him for you to meet him. (but like you, I hate the wait!) Because this is not how I envisioned myself either at this age.

Shadows of Love said...

Being a woman on the verge of turning 47...still single despite a deep desire to be HARD.

The days that are HARD seem to be less as I "mature" but the HARDness seems to be intensified when it hits.

(A blog on Wordpress by your friend Erin referred to your posting.) said...

Wonderful post! I, too, was referred from Erin's blog. I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to ask Jesus to do while you wait!

I don't know if you've seen this yet but I came across it in the spring through a Cru friend and have really enjoyed it:

"I Will Wait for You"