beautiful bride and her lovely lemon bars

I had the privilege and honor to be in my friend Aimee's wedding last weekend. The day was so joyful and full of peace; the Holy Spirit was leading the way. She radiated in beauty and everything went off without a hitch. She is married now, beginning a wonderful new chapter in her life. I am inspired by her relationship with her now husband, how they let God bring them together. I am encouraged that God will do the same for me. And I am excited for their future and all the blessings that are just now starting to multiply as a result of their union!

song bits to describe me as i am now...

"A war is already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to put the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
See my life will turn out right
And I'll make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt, 'cause...

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to put the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you

Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring

But You look at my heart and tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe, even though...
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to put the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you"
-Francesca Battistelli, Free to be me

"Standing on the battle line
I fight for my mind aching to be free
This war that I face as I long to embrace
And be with my King

And this fire in my soul, desire to be whole
Is deep within my bones
And I long to be near as I cast away my fear
Running for your throne"
-Shawn McDonald, Clarity

"I wont run when it looks like love
I won’t hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone

I wont run when it looks like love
I can’t spend another night alone
Regretting what I’ve done
So, I won’t run"
Needtobreathe, Looks like love

A battle in my heart and mind, to let go of all shame and the weight of the past...to live in love. God is love, and in His love, I am free. From His love, I can in turn, love the way He has created me to love. A battle to believe every part of His word is for my life, for me. I am in a fight, and I am grateful to know who has already won on my behalf.

Princess Diaries syndrome

I have always secretly loved Disney's Princess Diaries, and I could not put my finger on why. Could it have been me reflecting on my inner child? Or perhaps just the sweetness of the story? The basic premise of the story is about a young teen who finds out that she is the heir to a throne in Genovia, thereby making her a princess. She has lived her life quite contentedly behind the scenes, so much so that she is often sat on. But there is something inside her that has always had her longing for more. She gets that chance and freaks out. She goes on a journey to discover what it means to be a princess, and then has to make a decision whether or not to accept it as her role. It is a tough decision, as she has been so used to a lifestyle quite opposite from royalty. In the end, she chooses to push through her fear of the unknown and take her place as princess.

Last night as I was praying, God vividly brought this story to mind. He spoke to my heart about who I am and who He is calling me to be. My story is not unlike this young teen who only believed that she could be one type of person, but was destined for greater. I have lived my life as an ordinary girl, blending in, doing what I could to make the best out of what I have. And yet, God has called me His Princess. I have a choice before me, to believe and enter into His identity or to sit back and continue to live in the comfort of what I know. I know that living as God's princess is where I am meant to live, and I am learning to believe. And now I understand why I love that movie so much...

pretty much the coolest dad on the planet

Today was a fun-filled day! My papa drove up to see me for the annual birthday visit. We went out to lunch, adventured around town, went shopping, laughed, and dressed up like pirates and ninjas. Yep, my dad dressed up like a ninja and hung out with my friends because he loves me that much. And he is super cool. My friends all agree. So, here is some evidence of our fun, and THANK YOU papa for everything! I love you!

falling deeper

The word that God keeps speaking to my heart is one of letting go of control and logic and reason and arguments...and falling into His precious and safe arms. The following song lyrics have been catching my ears every time I hear them...

"Light up the night's last regret
Burn your only safety net
Step to the edge it's such a long way down"

So true...such a long way down. Is that what prevents me from doing it? Or is it simply the idea of change? Letting go and doing things in a way completely different than my stubborn independent way has been so frightening that I have yet to truly do it. I have had a safety net, an exit in case something went wrong or did not live up to the expectation. Now is the time to let go...freefall into the arms of Jesus. Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies...

vacation...

Why is it that when you are about to take a vacation you find yourself working extra hard so that you can go on vacation? It makes no sense! But we do it all the time! I find myself with a pile of paperwork to do before I go on a vacation for a week and a half...yuck. I always do. So I am taking a mental break to ponder this very issue. We feel like we cannot go and relax unless everything is done...or else we fear coming back to the pile. Vacations are meant to refresh us, so we work really hard...and then need the refreshing. I have 240 hours of vacation. Do you know how many days that is? 30!!! I could be off for a month and be completely fine. Wow. I am at the max. So, it is official. I am taking a vacation. What am I going to do? Well, relax, for one. And do some small but tedious projects that keep being put off. And I am going to Spirit West Coast at the end of it. Nothing too big. But I will be taking a whole 8 days...barely a dent in my stockpile of hours. Oh well, at least I am trying. Yay vacation!

this summer

It is summertime! It is July!!! Crazy...my weekends are filling up rapidly as I am diving into summer. So far, it overall has been a lot of fun- BBQs, hot tubs, karaoke, lots of hanging out, fresh fruit at farmer's market, beach time, etc. On the table ahead is garage sale, camping, bridal shower, birthday party, music festival, vacation!!!, and a wedding. I think I will blink and it all will pass. I hope not. I hope to enjoy it all. But there is an element of time flying and me holding on...

Ha. Today started my birthday month. The reason I say this is because we "celebrated" it at work. So, I wholeheartedly embrace my birthday month. Secretly, I am selfishly wanting to be celebrated by myself and not have to share my birthday with others...I am feeling the sibling syndrome where the kids who have siblings with birthdays near theirs get frustrated because they have to share their birthday with others. I know like ten people with birthdays surrounding mine. I think it is because last year I did not really feel like my birthday was anything special. And so this year I want to make up for that. I don't usually feel this way. There is just something about this year. And yes, I agree that it is totally selfish. I love my friends, and I know it is insane to do ten birthdays in fifteen days...eh. We will see. It would be amazing to be pampered! Pedicure, massage, get my hair done...

How did my blog about this summer get to be about my birthday? Just in the flow of thought, I guess. :)