Sometimes I am startled at the rate the days go by, and other times, I am grateful. It has been two years since my mom died, and I feel like I have not slowed down to process it all because time is flying by. It catches up to me, but only when I feel that time stops. In some ways, I am glad that I keep going so I don't have to feel the pain...but inevitably, I know it will overwhelm me at the next chance it gets. Two years ago, I got a phone call and knew I had to fly out that night. I slept poorly, praying I would get to see her one last time before she was gone. I had only seen her three weeks before when we celebrated her 50th birthday and Thanksgiving all in the same day. I had bought her a blue sweater to keep her warm at her appointments. As soon as we could the next morning, we (my brother, me, grandpa, and step-dad) drove out to the hospital she was in. I couldn't tell if she knew if I was there. Over the course of the day, I told her I loved her, that we were going to be okay, and that I was so sorry...
And I prayed that she heard me. My brother and I left only to get coffee and take a walk. We came back quickly and sat by her side. I began to notice a difference in her breathing. When the time came, her eyes got wide and she looked over at me. I spoke to her words of love, and she then looked to the other side of the bed where my brother sat. She knew we were there. She heard what we spoke. And then she was gone.
Two years have gone by in a blink, and I feel like it happened just a few days ago. And at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago. I am trusting that the Lord will help me to process it all as the years go by at a more rapid pace. But today, I stop and remember her, and love her.
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