Monday, May 31, 2010

feeling like gumby these days


When I was growing up, I remember watching Gumby and Pokey go on their adventures, and loved it! One thing that I think of when Gumby comes to mind is that he is quite flexible and even perhaps stretchable. And though my nature is to be quite inflexible and more of a "nester", I am finding myself relating to Gumby these days.

I am in a season of stretching...pretty much in every area of my life. Ultimately, I am finding that it has caused me to lean that much harder on the One who made me and is leading me. I still have bad days, but I am learning that the only one I can follow is Him. He knows where I should be when the dust settles from all the uprooting, and where I will need to be in order to bloom best. He knows my dreams and the promises He's made to me, and knows the timing of the fulfillment of each one. I can live in expectant hope. I am learning how to. I am learning to trust someone other than myself. The results are unknown, but I am going there...heart, mind, body, soul.

Last weekend, I had the privilege of taking on the care of two small and adorable children while their mom and dad were at the hospital with their newest and absolutely precious baby brother. Saturday night, I got the text while driving back from Bakersfield that I would be needed at their house that night. I think I finally got to sleep around 12:30 that night/morning, to be awakened at 2am with the text announcing the birth of Obadiah, and then finally to wake up at 6:45 to attend to Elijah (18 months old). Got him and his older sister Kaia up and ready for church and with skills of a mother of several years under her belt, carried one and held the hand of another while carrying my bags and theirs...into Kids World we arrived. Through Tuesday, I either directly cared for them or arranged for their care, like a single mom would. I found myself amazed how much I could give to these young ones, ones who didn't even belong to me! I sacrificed sleep, personal time, ate at weird hours...all for them. And in turn, I realized I am capable of so much more than I thought...when I need to be. I also saw how deep the call to be a mom was in my heart. It has always been there...but combined with the realization that I can do it, I find myself aching to go there. And yet, I am in a place where I can't. Not in that way. I still find myself staring at that stumbling block of missing the link that gets me there...a link that is also deep in my heart. I definitely ask for prayer in this area. To know my husband soon. It's the one area of my life NOT changing...or at least not that I can see. It's probably the one area in my life that I want to change the most.

Like I said before, work is changing, I am moving...and there are other dynamics going on in my life where lots of change is occurring. I know where God wants me. I am just trying to learn how to be like Gumby as these things happen! I will keep you all posted on where I begin to land over the next few months...

3 comments:

Katie said...

<3

Anne-Therese said...

I love your thoughts and revelations! Praying too for your husband! :)

The Deans said...

Praying for your husband...that you might meet him soon. You are a mama...Everything about you is mama, and I can't wait until we both get to be moms together. Sometime soon!
Love.
Jen