Late in July, I wrote about how my car had this big repair bill that I really couldn't afford, and how even though it seemed crazy at the time, I just knew God would provide. Well, He did. Big time. It's funny how many ways He can choose to provide...I have heard of stories of random checks coming in the mail, people repaying old debts just when money was needed the most, money just showing up in bank accounts, or friends giving to friends because God has led them to. In this case, my family and friends gave, some little, some overwhelmingly a lot, and all together they gave me more than I ended up paying on my car. So, not only did I get what I needed, but I was blessed beyond.
God spoke to me about his abundant provision at the end of 2009, and I wrote about it here. It's amazes me how true His word has been for me this year. I have been so blessed! I got to travel to a place I've never been, I've had enough to fix my car, and have made great progress on paying off debt. I have amazing friends, and am seeing God move in the lives around me. God is showing me how much I am capable of, and how much He loves me.
It's humbling to receive such a large gift. Really humbling. I know God is helping me to get over the idea that I have to work so hard for everything I need/want, and that I don't deserve the extras. That idea has been so engrained in me for years... I have long believed that if I didn't get "it" for myself, then I wouldn't have "it". (Insert whatever you want for "it", promotions, relationships, money/provision, etc.) This, of course, meant that I could never ever ask for help. Even in this situation, I told my friend Stephanie that God had showed me that if 100 people gave me $10 for my birthday, that would pay for my car. I told her that I could not ask people to do that. God was gracious, and Stephanie replied "but I can!" I hate pride and how it makes you think that you don't need anyone to help. That you can do it on your own. It's such a lie! It's the lie that Adam and Eve believed in the garden. It's an awful lie. One that steals away from not only amazing relationships with people, but with God. We were created to receive God's blessings. And when we turn Him away, we withhold ourselves from that. One of my favorite quotes expresses this:
"Man finds it hard to get what he wants, because he does not want the best; God finds it hard to give, because He would give the best, and man will not take it." -George MacDonald
I have watched a skit that our church does several times and there is one part that always catches my attention. This person who is struggling with many things including greed, depression, and vanity, meets pride. In this case, she has been knocked down by her struggles and pride comes along and offers his arm to help her up. He encourages her to push away Jesus and get up on her own, without His help. She does, and with the help of pride, she stands, only to be knocked down again. That is what pride does. It pushes away what we need, only to knock us down again. God warns us against pride, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18
My prayer is that God will help me learn to receive what I need and want from Him, and that feelings of either pride or being undeserving will no longer hinder me from that. His blessings are so amazing! And I want to receive the BEST from Him! I know that this birthday gift is only a small scratch at the surface of what He wants to give me, and I cannot wait to see what the rest of the year holds.