Friday, October 15, 2010
boys and girls
Boys and girls like each other. From a young age till we are old and gray. Boys and girls like each other. This weekend my church is having a seminar on this subject, and at first, it seemed like it was for those already dating or newly married. Then someone (I think our Pastor) got up and said, "no, it's really for anyone, dating, married, anyone who wants to get married". You'd think that given that I am in the latter category my first reaction would be "where do I sign up?". Haha, no.
Instead, I began to slightly panic. This very issue...the war between my deep desire to be a girl who likes a boy who likes me in return and the, well, lack of said boy...has caused me to wrestle with faith to still see that it will happen. In fact, I imagined myself showing up at this seminar wearing a scarlet letter with an 'S' for single...not only that, but that I'd be the only almost-30 person in the room, looking at her prospects...all under the ripe age of 25. I realize, of course, this is not what is going to happen. NOT AT ALL. In fact, it is an amazing opportunity to hear from people who have successful marriages. And I have lots of other friends, though slightly younger, who are going to be there eager to get Godly guidance in this area of their lives.
God confronted me on my lack of faith on Wednesday morning. I was reading His word, and got to the following words: "my God in whom I TRUST"...I saw that though there were areas I completely trusted God in, this area was one I did not. In fact, I was frustrated that at the age of 29 I was not only single, but had not seen the possibility of a prospect in over 10 years...nor do I see one coming my way. I was losing my vision and dream for marriage because I have been letting circumstance steal away from that hope.
Really I was upset that MY plan did not, has not panned out. Never mind that God has perfect timing...what have I been thinking? Why is it that I have this incessant need to control and plan everything? God asked me again to trust Him...FULLY. And I have begun to do that again. What I am asking Him to help me do again is dream. To be able to hope for the future in a way I have never done.
I am really excited to find out who the man God chose for me is. Really. But in the meantime, I am realizing how much fun I am having. I am confident in who I am and what I love in life. And that is important because I'll know when that man stands in front of me and likes me, it'll be real. So, tomorrow, I'll be at that seminar, soaking in all I can get to be that Proverbs 31 wife one day. And I can't wait.