Wednesday, March 14, 2012

character

Seeing that I am interested in getting married someday soon, I've been reading lots of articles about dating, marriage, etc.  It is good to pay attention to topics of interest and things you want to do well.  I am not an expert at dating or marriage, but I'd like to think I am doing a good job of learning about it.  Lately, articles I've read have been focused on the man's part- letting go of "friend girls", being the pursuer, why men aren't either going to church or that the ones that are do not lead.  I've read so much information that I've observed, but as a woman, feel like there is little I can do to help bring change.  Today I read an article that focused more on women and what some of them do that hinders them in their desire for marriage.  I was grateful to see that God had worked on these things with me already...but it still got me thinking.

One of the things noted was that women will often desire the wrong things in a husband, blinding them to the deeper, more important things of the heart.  Things like physical attraction can distract woman from seeing that a man may not have the kind of character best suited for her.  I've never been that girl.  In fact, I mostly thought of this as a "guy requirement".  But as I thought about it, I've heard women say that they want a husband whose face they'd like to look at for the rest of their lives. When I look at my "list", there are very few physical attributes listed, and even those are not very specific.  I've found over the years that the men I find attractive are attractive to me because of their character and personality.  Men who I might not have initially noticed but have the kind of character I am seeking can become very attractive, while men who might've caught my eye with their looks will fade in attractiveness if they lack those qualities.  If I happen to be interested in a man who is found to be very attractive, it is because he has proven that he is a man of character. 

I trust that I will be attracted to my husband, regardless of how he lines up to the world's standards.  It sometimes boggles my mind how men operate so differently.  I know God has a purpose in creating men to be visual...but I have to admit that not only has this been a source of discouragement but also frustration.  Again, it goes deep to the heart of insecurity that says I am not attractive enough and therefore because I "don't meet the standard" somehow that means it won't happen.  Of course, God is working on this very issue with me.  I know that simply because I don't know of any men (nor haven't in a long time) who are attracted to me, it DOES NOT MEAN that no one ever will.  In fact, it's the very process of how God brings a man and woman together that shows me how absolute He is.

So, where do you rank physical attractiveness in importance?  Character?  Am I in the minority or majority of women?  If you happen to be a guy reading this, feel free to add input! 

4 comments:

Estevan said...

Not every guy thinks that the popular version of physically "attractive" is actually attractive. Myself being one of them. I value a woman's personality and character more highly than her physical appearance, but I do admit that the first things I notice are normally physical, but from there it can go either way. I think the widespread shallowness of guys is a symptom of deeper brokenness and not a definition of what is masculine.

Emily w/Amazing Grapes said...

I don't rank it very high. Its nice to have that 'looker' but it really does come down to character that makes the man that much more attractive in your eyes.

Take G for instance. He wasn't in my category of attractiveness and initially when he sent me pictures of him, I admit, it took a bit to go beyond what I saw (cause he didn't fit my 'norm'). Once we met in person, everything changed and that's when I really became attracted to him. Again not necessarily for his looks but because of his character. Naturally now I find the man super attractive to me, but because of the whole package.

Looks fade. We talk about that all the time. I'd rather have someone I love to be around for the person they are than the way they look and I look next to them.
Emily at Amazing Grapes

Krystal said...

i think someone can say that physical attractiveness is important (and i would i guess) but they are going to be attractive to you no matter what if you are marrying them!

sandi said...

hubby and i have been married for 14 years. i am 44 and can tell you that physically things change. you all know that but when it starts happening it still surprises you! hubby is starting to grey through the temples (although he is still very handsome)and my crows feet are deepening by the day. looks are going to fade but the character remains a constant... if you are a believer hopefully the character would grow and improve with your biblical walk. after three children things physically are also not where they used to be. while i am still slim and hubby works out almost daily things do drop, sag and change.

i believe you are on the right track with your thinking... very mature in your beliefs! good luck!