"friends"

This will only make sense to those who use facebook but do you notice when you lose "friends"? I do. I have a weird memory that causes me to notice things that are different, like the number of friends I have. Today I lost 2. Two people are no longer my "friend" on facebook. Honestly, I am not sure who they are, and may not even be able to tell you by looking through my 300+ friends...but at the same time, I feel a little sad when that happens. It's like, "hey, why aren't we friends anymore?" Did I do something wrong? Did you quit facebook? Okay, I don't dwell on it really but it is a fleeting thought, especially when two in one day fall off my list. Hmmm...makes you think. Our world is SO much different than it used to be.

I've talked about this before, but I wonder how I feel this tiny pain at this "loss" and how other people feel. How much they put into this social network, and how "social" it really is. Don't get me wrong, I love facebook. I can check in on any friend's life at any time, and leave fun notes or pictures or videos...or invite everyone to the NeedToBreathe concert and keep them posted very easily. But we have to be careful not to let it become our social thing. Know what I mean? Anyway, I will go to bed wondering who is gone from that little world, but grateful to know the real relationships I have to wake up to. Good night Internet world. :)

cultivating life

(I wrote this a while back for a different project that has not yet come to be... thought I'd share it now.)

About a year ago, I acquired a plant as a means to bring more life to my dungeon-like office. There are no windows to the outside, except in the doorframes, and even those are covered in curtains. The presence of this little plant has transformed my desk, along with a few colorful pictures, making it feel more pleasant to work around. Not long ago, I walked into my office and saw my poor plant looking like it was on the edge of death...wilted and sad. It had been about six days since I last watered it, plus a long hot weekend in the middle. The combination practically killed it!

This has happened before, but it had never been this bad. I was not sure that this time my plant would recover, especially since I am not known to have a “green thumb”. In my case, it is more brown than green! However, since I have grown fond of having this plant, I did what anyone else would do...I added some water and moved it to a little more sunlight hoping it would perk up. And then, I waited. I hoped my plant would come back to life….even just moving it off my desk toward the sun made my desk look so empty.

Each plant is different, and has varying responses to these environmental situations. No matter what though, if left on its own, the plant would not last very long. It needs someone to water and care for it, or it will die. I realized that this plant's experience is not unlike our own. We, like the plant, can usually make it for a little while just fine, not needing anything extra to help us keep going. After a while though, if we do not get the nourishment we need and some negative circumstances come along (say, like the extreme heat for the plant), we begin to wilt and fade.

We can carry and manage a lot...that is an incredible characteristic of the human spirit. But that very characteristic can also be our downfall. If we continue to try doing things in our own strength, we eventually tire, and in essence, lose the life in us. We go through the motions, but without joy. We keep going, thinking things will get better if we just work hard enough. It just never seems to be enough.

My life is a good example of this. I have long been an independent sort of person, going, going, going, until I am so tired I want to hide away for a bit and have no responsibility at all. If I am overwhelmed, I shut down…but for the most part, I feel comfortable taking the lead and getting things done. I am the person who would rather carry 10 grocery bags in one shot than make two trips or ask someone for help. Reality is that I waste more time and energy in the times I crashed from exhaustion than had I made the decision to stop and lean on something greater than myself. The momentum is lost when I become overwhelmed. Then, like the plant, I have to rebuild the strength I need to stand tall and keep living.

My plant’s story has a happy ending; I walked in the next day to see how it was faring, and amazingly, it was right back to its perky self. This plant surely was made for people like me…resilient to lack of care. I imagine that if my plant were intended to grow much bigger than it is now and I kept neglecting it, it would greatly hinder its growth. The energy spent to bring it back to life every time it lost its nutrients would take up the energy it needed to grow.

We are intended for greater things than a life of going through the motions. Jesus said in the book of John, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” We need to focus on cultivating life and growth, so that in the long run, we do not look back and see that our lives mirror the wilted plant. So, take some time to drink up and rest. I will also make sure my little plant gets the care it needs! Maybe I should go buy it an aqua globe…

car adventures

I was thinking about my car the other day, and how blessed I am to have one. I would LOVE to own a new car, one that doesn't have its issues popping up on a fairly regular basis, one just waiting to begin its many, many miles on the road. But I have a car, a pretty good one. And it, like the one before it, has its own story to tell. I have had quite the adventures with my two cars that I have owned.

The first was a red, two door Saturn coupe, dubbed "Indie" which was short for independence. It was, after all, my first car...my first taste of freedom. I loved that little car! It, however, began to create some hiccups...making some substantial dents in my wallet! The alternator, a wheel baring, some crazy expensive work on the engine, the water pump which led to the radiator, and finally sudden unexplainable death. It's amazing though how much God used this little car to show me His provision and faithfulness. Because, you see, along with all of those hiccups were blessings...mechanics allowing me to make payments, someone paying off the remainder of what I owed (to the tune of $560), a personal mechanic who loathed the sight of my car after fixing it for almost two years for the cost of parts (he just wanted to serve and bless...such a God send!), an adventure with an El Camino for a week which required the use of a phone book so I could reach the pedals, and eventually a new used car that was even less than I was praying for! At first, each hiccup would consume me with stress...I was working a lot, but was just learning how to manage all of my finances. Car repairs are not cheap, and I often did not have the money. But God faithfully worked out each circumstance and situation, even when I was barely standing in faith that He would. I refused to ask for help for a long time, and learned that I was holding myself back from blessings when I did that! Through the trials of Indie, I cried many tears of joy as God's hand moved to ensure His daughter was taken care of.

Not my actual car...but you get the gist!

I was not wholly unprepared for the death of Indie, as my personal mechanic saw the early warning signs. We had been searching for about 6 months prior to the day she refused to start, with no real good leads. Thankfully, two days before that red car gave out, my roommate left the state for three weeks...leaving her car behind! It was Christmas time, and I was able to use her car to go to work and see my family for Christmas. It was when she came back that I found the lead to the car I now lovingly call "The MAXIMA". Not only was the price right, but I was helping a family going through some difficult times get back on their feet by taking some debt off their plate and giving them some cushion money.

The actual "MAXIMA"- said as though you were announcing a gladiator...

I felt like I had upgraded...a four door V6 engine Nissan Maxima. It is one smooth ride. Though worn on the edges, it was and is a great car. As the years passed though the Indie era, I had grown up and had the job to match. And with this job, I had to drive a lot more. The Maxima made this happen much easier and with less stress! This car was not exempt from problems, however. I really should have named it "Chekenge"- as in, check engine. Because it was a car with higher mileage, it is also prone to the ever-present check engine light. It has almost become normal for me to see it on. Sometimes, when it is not on, I check to make sure I didn't burn out the light for it...is that bad? The light is on currently...and I need to take it in to get it checked AGAIN. I believe this is the 4th time. It's like a once a year deal, reminding me that cars need our attention too.


Despite these interesting and regular car "bumps", I have never gone without a car...whether I am blessed to borrow one (once my friend let me use her BRAND new Honda Accord with butt warmers...ahmazing!) or I am blessed to have my own. My cars really are a gift from God, as they allow me to have the job I have, and allow me to in turn bless others. I have given countless rides and let others borrow mine when needed. I am very grateful! I still dream of having a hybrid SUV...but until then I am looking forward to the many adventures left in the Maxima! I know God will make sure I am taken care of, and am praying that this car lasts to at least the 300,000 mile mark!

even when the rain falls...

It has been pouring rain the last few days, and there is an area out my front door that accumulates water as it pours. The drain gets overwhelmed and soon a lake of water forms. Today that lake formed quickly as the sky poured itself out. And then, for a little while, the sun poked through the clouds and the clouds gave the ground a little break. Just enough to allow the water to drain and the lake to disappear.

The rain has started up again, and the lake is not yet forming, but it is only a matter of time. The ground has soaked up what it can, and if the rain keeps coming, it will get overwhelmed again.

I have felt that way today...like I've soaked up all that I can and as a result, I began to feel overwhelmed. How many times will I allow myself to carry too much and try and do too much on my own before I let God step in? Like the ground, I can only handle so much...then I am over-saturated. There is nothing I can do to stop the rain, in my life or the rain outside...but I can allow God to soak it up for me. His capacity is well beyond mine.

reading on a lunch break

...a late lunch break! I just read this, and found it not only encouraging in the end about being single, but overall. I have always loved Hebrews 11:6, and like the author, have struggled at times to walk out the second half of the verse. I love her conclusion about the answer to prayer not being the end of prayer but rather the beginning of more. :) Thought I'd share.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002211.cfm

out of my head into the world wide web...

It is the end of what has felt like a long work week...probably because it is my first full week in two weeks. By Wednesday, I was shocked there were two more work days left...haha, but I made it to Friday! My mind is starting to get out of vacation mode and back into routine. However, since my brain has been a little...off, I am going to share some random tidbits floating inside :)

-I have never seen a more confused winter season! The hills are green, the trees are dead, and the weather is gorgeous...for spring time! What happened? I have sweaters and boots wanting to be worn, scarves wanting to be tied, and they are sadly stuck until a colder day comes out to play. And the other half of the U.S. is getting bombarded by ice and snow...so weird.

-Where do you imagine the worst place to have a spelling error occur would be? I wish I would have taken a picture of it, but when I visited my family last week, I was driving by the Jr. High which proudly displayed "HAPPY HOLDIAYS!" on the side I was passing. (***Note: the reverse side had the correct spelling.) Haha, I think that the schools we are sending our kids to should have some kind of double checking system for that! Needless to say, I laughed pretty hard at that.

-I am afraid of the roundabout in Morro Bay. I encounter the most bizarre driving skills in that thing, and don't trust the people to use it correctly. Today I had a close encounter with the Cadillac kind who did not seem to understand the meaning of the word "yield". And yet, I have to drive this thing several times a week. Sigh. And the opening of Bob's Big Boy right by has, I think, only increased the issues.

-I am so giddy about planning my vacation in April. My friend Stephanie and I are flying to North and South Carolina for a week. Why? Several reasons, and I promise that none is greater than the other. 1. I made it a goal to travel somewhere I have never been before this year. I have never been there. 2. I have always wanted to see the east coast/south. Blame it on the civil war project I did my 8th grade year. 3. We are going to see NeedToBreathe play a few home shows. And I get to meet some of the friends I have made through their street team site. Am I a little crazy? Yes. But honestly, I am looking forward to an adventure full of laughter, good music and friends...something I rarely let myself really experience. Trust me, you will hear lots about this trip, both before and after! Wheee!

-After I planned the above trip and planned a mini trip to drive down to see NeedToBreathe in Pomona, they announced that they are coming to San Luis Obispo!!! Haha, so this means that I am going to FIVE shows in three weeks. I am even laughing at myself.

-To kick start myself into losing weight again, I am doing a 6 day eating plan combined with exercise, which is basically high protein...it is day one and I am hungry 15 minutes after I am done eating...haha. This will be fun. At least it is only 6 days, and I know I will be excited to keep going and eating healthy once I get through this. :)

-And I will leave you with this...on New Year's Eve I declared "2010- Bring on the men!" And all the single ladies said, "Amen!!!"

Happy Friday.

old excuses, permanent markers

I have been doing a lot of reflecting and looking forward, as many people do during this time of year, and in my prayer time this morning, I wondered why I have not achieved some of the goals I have made in the past. And the answer came succinctly, and quickly, "Because it has always been that way."

I learned a few years ago in my line of work, that if your answer to a question of why you do something is "because it has always been that way," then something needs to change. I was told that it is not a sufficient reason to keep doing something. The answers must be justified, not excused away. Why shouldn't it be the same for other areas of my life?

This is very timely because I am making goals for 2010, and want to see success.Areas like losing weight, paying off debt, and being single- the answer as to "why haven't things changed much?" has been the very answer listed above. And so God asked me to picture that phrase, and then me taking a permanent marker and putting large Xs through the words. I get to begin writing new goals with the intention for change.

Have you been a person who has a similar excuse, afraid of change because it is simply not imaginable? Then pick up the permanent marker and let yourself cross it out of your life. Until you do, you will continue in the same pattern, because it has always been that way.