Monday, May 31, 2010

feeling like gumby these days

When I was growing up, I remember watching Gumby and Pokey go on their adventures, and loved it! One thing that I think of when Gumby comes to mind is that he is quite flexible and even perhaps stretchable. And though my nature is to be quite inflexible and more of a "nester", I am finding myself relating to Gumby these days.

I am in a season of stretching...pretty much in every area of my life. Ultimately, I am finding that it has caused me to lean that much harder on the One who made me and is leading me. I still have bad days, but I am learning that the only one I can follow is Him. He knows where I should be when the dust settles from all the uprooting, and where I will need to be in order to bloom best. He knows my dreams and the promises He's made to me, and knows the timing of the fulfillment of each one. I can live in expectant hope. I am learning how to. I am learning to trust someone other than myself. The results are unknown, but I am going there...heart, mind, body, soul.

Last weekend, I had the privilege of taking on the care of two small and adorable children while their mom and dad were at the hospital with their newest and absolutely precious baby brother. Saturday night, I got the text while driving back from Bakersfield that I would be needed at their house that night. I think I finally got to sleep around 12:30 that night/morning, to be awakened at 2am with the text announcing the birth of Obadiah, and then finally to wake up at 6:45 to attend to Elijah (18 months old). Got him and his older sister Kaia up and ready for church and with skills of a mother of several years under her belt, carried one and held the hand of another while carrying my bags and theirs...into Kids World we arrived. Through Tuesday, I either directly cared for them or arranged for their care, like a single mom would. I found myself amazed how much I could give to these young ones, ones who didn't even belong to me! I sacrificed sleep, personal time, ate at weird hours...all for them. And in turn, I realized I am capable of so much more than I thought...when I need to be. I also saw how deep the call to be a mom was in my heart. It has always been there...but combined with the realization that I can do it, I find myself aching to go there. And yet, I am in a place where I can't. Not in that way. I still find myself staring at that stumbling block of missing the link that gets me there...a link that is also deep in my heart. I definitely ask for prayer in this area. To know my husband soon. It's the one area of my life NOT changing...or at least not that I can see. It's probably the one area in my life that I want to change the most.

Like I said before, work is changing, I am moving...and there are other dynamics going on in my life where lots of change is occurring. I know where God wants me. I am just trying to learn how to be like Gumby as these things happen! I will keep you all posted on where I begin to land over the next few months...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

photo love

I have several good friends who are also amazing of whom has a photo blog! She recently wrote about what she loves about pictures and why she loves taking them. This inspired me to share some of my favorite photos. I am not an expert fact, these were all taken either on a cell phone or a point and shoot type of camera. But if you know me at all, I love pictures. I love taking them, I love collecting them, I love putting them in albums (online or hands on). So, here are a few recent faves. Enjoy!

taken with my old cell phone while on a lunch the colors

i love quirky little things like fun cake toppers.

also taken with my old cell phone. yes, i took this myself. i saw how the light was coming in and had to capture it!

Bo's shoes! so so fun, i am proud of this shot!

took this on my new phone with a fun photo application called "toy camera"

old cell phone, early morning baby sitting. took advantage of a fun moment. mirrors make for some cool pics!

the lighting was great for this shadowed looking shot of this gorgeous church

angles make photos look cooler. that's my unprofessional opinion.

i was just playing with flash/no flash. so glad i did! look at this incredible shot! it's like an expert...but not!

same idea, but this one had different lighting. needtobreathe looks epic here.

babes. both looking adorable.

another cell phone capture. it is a MUST that my cell phone can take pictures. here is a good reason why.
As you can see, I have a variety of subjects I enjoy, and have no official style to speak of. But I love pictures...and all of these were taken by yours truly. Even the self portrait. I like to look for shots that look artistic. I also like purely fun shots.

Monday, May 10, 2010

tip me over and pour me out...

I feel like I am in the midst of a whirlwind, shaken up, stirred, and poured out...and not sure where everything will all end up. Maybe it's this time of year, maybe it's God's way of getting me to let go of control...and maybe it's just craziness, but I feel like every area of my life is being pulled out and dusted off. I keep joking with people that perhaps, in this time, when I am having to trust only in God, that He will introduce me to my husband too. Yes, please. But that is still one of those areas that have a big fatty question mark on it.

I am coming off the rollercoaster of NEEDTOBREATHE fun...liken it to a sugar high crash, haha. The concert in SLO was incredible, and I had such a blast being the runner for the guys. It was, hands down, my favorite show so far. And until yesterday, I thought it was my last show for the year...hee hee, then I saw that they are coming back for a free show in Bakersfield in 2 weeks. Still, all the work for the show and all the hype from my vacation is gone now, and that part of my life is calming down.

On the other spectrum of things, I am moving in July. Found out the day after I got back from vacation that the house I thought I'd be living in until I got married was getting sold...yeah. I am so very grateful though that this morning I found out that Stephanie and I were accepted for the apartment we wanted. I will pay less, have a bigger living room, better parking, and be closer to a bunch of friends than before. This is good. I am just not really looking forward to the moving part.

Work is not without change...nor are other areas of my life. I pretty much had a mini meltdown yesterday. I felt incredibly overwhelmed. This is understandable. It was Mother's day and I was also having one of the worst on-calls of my work history. I think I may have had one worse than this. But maybe not. I am thankfully done tomorrow and get Friday off...I am on the verge of throwing the phone out the window...

The biggest thing I am clinging to is God's word. He is calling me to expectant hope, even when I can't possibly control the circumstances or know the outcome. I know He is leading me and holding me tight during this season, and as long as I TRUST, I will not only survive, but I will do well. Here's to the other side of the crazy season...