Thursday, June 30, 2011

a mother's blessing

Tonight I received an unexpected gift, one that touched my heart so deep, that at the mention of what was to come, I couldn't help but cry. If you've read through my blog over the past few years, you probably know that my relationship with my mom was a precarious one. We loved each other fiercely, but there were many obstacles that kept us from having the kind of mother-daughter relationship we both imagined. Words never came fact, sometimes the ones that counted most were rarely heard, or not heard at all. While I knew she was proud of the woman I was becoming, I didn't hear that from her. On top of that, my relationship with my step-mom didn't quite click either. Part of it was the blending of two families and the stress of it all, part of it was probably me not knowing how to relate to another mom figure, and part of it was hormones. Anyway, while my relationship with my dad came much easier, I felt like I had to do or say the right thing sometimes to even be liked by the women in my life.

*Side note, I have a good relationship with my step-mom now. She's an amazingly giving and caring woman. What I am writing about here is more of a reflection of my perception after the conflicts that we went through early on in our relationship. Some come easy, ours did not. But we worked it out, and that is a part of the relationship we have now.

When my mom passed away, I realized that the words I longed to hear from her would never come. There is something very powerful about a parent's blessing. It calls the children to believe they have worth and are covered by the love given by that parent. What a parent sees about their child is so validates who they are. I can't wait to speak words of blessing to my children, knowing the value of it. This is not to say that our worth comes from what our parents say/believe for us...our worth comes from God. But God has given parents a very special role in molding and shaping children, and it is never too late to receive words of blessing from parents, nor can they be spoken too much, I believe.

Tonight Pastor Denise came up to me, and sat me down. She said that she wanted to give me a mother's blessing. Upon those words, I could not contain the emotion. Both she and I knew that she would and could never replace my mom, but at the same time, she knew the importance of having a woman speak blessing into my life. She shared the things she saw in me, and what she hoped to see me continue to grow to be. She called me to sing. To sing in every area of my life, pouring passion and gift into all that I put my hands to. She told me she loved me, not for what I've done but for who I am. She spoke into that place of feeling the need to earn love, and called me to just receive. I am so grateful that she took the time to tearfully share her love with me. She has always been someone I have looked up to and I know God has used her many times to heal some of the wounded views of women. But tonight, God used her to deliver words that I know my mom would have said if she could, and even some words straight from His heart.

To show you how much my relationship with my mom has impacted my life, I'll let you in on a little secret. When I wrote a list of things I am praying for in my future husband, I specifically put that his mother would love me. I knew I didn't have the strength to fight so hard for a good relationship with my mother-in-law. I just want it to come more easily than it has for me in the past.

There is such a relief in simply being loved. It's a small picture of the love God has for us. Our relationships with people are not always perfect or easy, nor is it fair to expect that. It's only in God that we can place our complete trust. However, our parents are meant to reflect His heart. That's why that gift of words meant so much to me. They help me continue to understand more and more of how God sees me, and it's a wonderful thing to get a hold of.

you likey?

So, in case you stopped by here and thought you were in the wrong place, yes, I changed the look of my blog. I like its simplicity, and it feels updated. I like to do that from time to time...just look at how many different hair colors and styles I've rocked the last 10 years of my life and you'll see a pattern.

Funny story...a dear friend of mine called me today and asks me "what are you doing right now?" and I let her know that I am at work. She says, "What? But it's your birthday...", to which I respond, "Haha goober, in a month..." AND SO BEGINS BIRTHDAY MONTH. One of my fellow bloggers is my birthday twin and like her, I am not so sure I am ready for this. It's our golden birthday...the infamous 30th year. And just like that, in one possibly foul swoop, I will have hit the age I once thought of as "old". It's definitely not what I thought it would be. First of all, it is not "old". In fact some days, I feel younger than I did at age 21. Yeah, I just said that. Second of all, I feel like life is just getting started. It is going faster than ever before, and I definitely want to see some chapters start in my yesterday...but I dunno. There is something refreshing about 30. It feels legit.

Anyway, just letting you know that this makeover is still me...and that I am only a month away from being 30 and flirty? Yeah...

Monday, June 27, 2011

a quick hi

I've been trying to at least keep up with reading my fellow bloggers' postings...but have failed miserably in any attempt to keep my own up. Good thing I've been learning about grace lately! (more on that to come)

This post is just to say "hi" and "I haven't forgotten my blogger friends!" :) And in the spirit of fun, I'll share a few random funny/awesome things.

  • This video is funny. I love technology (cue Napoleon Dynamite)...
  • This duo wowed me, and then won me over with this cover.
  • This simple devotional was so good I posted it on facebook.
  • Besides Jesus, where I get some encouragement in being single.
  • Something slightly crazy that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do (the shorter one...not the longer...yet)
  • In other news, my fave band dropped a NEW SINGLE this week...go get it now! Um, they also are coming back to my home town on August 31st. I love them.
So, I'll be back soon with some deeper thoughts. But until then, enjoy the above! :)

And here we are at the END of June!? Yeahhhhh.....

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Is anyone else going, "oh my goodness, it's JUNE! How'd that happen?!" or is it just me?

Yeah, I thought so.

June is a great month. It's my Dad's birthday, the beginning of summer, time for warmer weather to make its appearance, the month before my birthday...the GOLDEN birthday. I know I will have more to say about that as it comes.

So...summer plans....

I got free tickets to see our local baseball team play! That'll be on the agenda.

NEEDTOBREATHE at the end of August.

Oh! And a somewhat spontaneous trip to Seattle! I've never been, and I promised myself I'd go this year. Now I am just determining the means of how to get there. I don't want it to be an expensive I still have a trip to NY hopefully in the works in the fall! So here are the options, and maybe you can help me decide? I think I've made up my mind, but feel free to comment.

Flying. This is the quickest route. However, it is also pretty pricey. Cheapest flight found so far from SLO= $430. Cheapest flight from San Francisco= $230 (better....BUT you have to add gas and parking for an estimated total of $340) I even tried bargaining for my flight, with no success.

By train. This was my original hope. But much to my surprise this method costs $320! Yikes-o-rama!

By car. This method is about the same length of time as the train, factoring one night stay. I've driven the long road to Vegas many times, and this trip would be MUCH more beautiful. It would be like a long Vegas trip x2 each way. But the grand total for gas and hotel would be between $220 and $250.