ten days. seven wants.

7. A nifty fifty lens for my SLR camera. I wants it.
6. A pair of flat(ish) grey boots.  That go to my calf.  I saw pretty much what I wanted but they were too small...sad.
5. A new coffee maker. Mine has seen better days. Oh and a waffle maker too!
4. To be debt free! I have some student loans and car payments left to make...
3. More trips to places...like Ireland, Florida, the rest of the South, Maine, England, Australia, Italy...
2. To win the dinner with NEEDTOBREATHE. Because that would be sweet.
1. The ability to wake up early and be nice about it. Haha, oh how that would come in handy.

ten days. eight fears.

While I am not a fan of today's topic, not because I don't want to be more vulnerable, but more because I don't want to agree with these fears.  But as such, here are the ones, some serious, some less so, that I deal with .  Let's face it, we all deal with fear sometimes.  Here are mine.

8. Spiders...but sometimes even more so, spider webs.  Creeeeeeepy.
7. Disappointing people.
6. Not being able to lose the weight I want and keep it off.
5. Failing. In general, in anything.  Failing scares me.
4. Change. Especially unexpected change.
3. Stagnancy. I never want to be stuck in my walk with Jesus.
2. Not living my life to the fullest.  What a terrible thing that would be.
1. Not ever getting married and having a family. This is a huge dream of mine, and my biggest fear is that it won’t happen.

ten days. nine loves.

So, I never really explained this whole ten days thing.  I saw it on someone else's blog, and thought it was a fun idea.  I'd love to see others do it!  

9. Getting new music and listening to it for days on end...(like NEEDTOBREATHE and Ben Rector both of whom have new albums out...well, sort of. NEED’s will be out soon but I am grateful for the free streaming!) I love music. A lot.  I think this quote sums up this love well- "Next to the Word of God, the noble art of Music is the greatest treasure in the World." - Martin Luther 

This album is seriously amazing. So good that it made top 10 on iTunes for a whole week.

8. Aveda tea. I refer to it as magic tea.  It makes me very happy.

7. Sleeping in and/or lounging in my comfy bed on days when I am not rushed out of it. Reading books in bed is a bonus.

I wish I had this bed.  Mine is pretty awesome though.

6. Chocolate. In all forms. (except the really cheap kind that tastes waxy. That’s not real chocolate. Also fake chocolate milkshakes. Those should never be made with anything but the real deal.)

5. Getting texts/calls/facebook messages from my family. I love them so much, and it always makes me smile.  One time I text my dad to ask him about his lunch plans, as I was driving through and wanted to see him.  His response? "I can push back my audience with the Pope..."

4. Fall. All things related to fall. Scarves, mittens, leaves, pumpkin everything, cold nights...

I think this captures the way my heart feels in fall.

3. Laughing till I cry or wheeze or both. Yes, I wheeze when I laugh...friends aim to make this happen.

I loved this picture when I saw it.

2. All things involved with NEEDTOBREATHE.  The concerts. The music. The people. The little tasks I am assigned to. The band. The travel. The opening bands. The photography. The fact that I finally have a favorite band. (I never could pick before.)  Someone said the other day that they make their fans feel like family.  I think that's the best way to sum up my love for them.  I feel like I am cheering on family.

1. Being loved. By Jesus. By my family. By my friends. It’s the best thing EVER.

ten days. ten secrets.

10. I never really liked sugary cereals growing up.  I still don’t.  Give me oatmeal, or Raisin Bran or Kashi cereal and I’ll be a happy girl.

9. It surprises me when people consider me to be a good friend and want to keep in touch with me for long periods of time.  It always has.

8. I take great delight in telling people I’m 30 and seeing that their reaction is shock...because they think I am much younger than that.

7. I have a love/hate relationship with my singing voice.  I love my ability to harmonize, and think I am pretty good at doing so.  I am not so confident in my ability to lead a song.  Most people haven’t REALLY heard me sing.  Secret singing dreams of mine? That I would either be a backing vocalist for an amazing singer/songwriter on an album one day and/or that I could be a partner in crime in a singing duo that bares a resemblance to The Civil Wars...even if all we do is sing at weddings and stuff.

6. If my roommate isn’t home, I’ll use the bathroom with the door open. I guess I figure why bother with the shenanigans of closing the door and wasting electricity if no one but the cat is around?

5.  I am pretty sure I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be found attractive by a guy...

4.  The days I am weakest are the days when I am farthest from God and His truth.

3.  I am a people pleaser by nature, and have a hard time saying no.  I’ll often compromise instead of outright saying no.  I’m working on that....

2.  I absolutely cannot fall asleep in moving things (planes, trains, cars) unless I can fully lay down.  Actually, even if I am not moving and I am in something like a rocking chair, I have difficulty sleeping.  I am a great road trip partner.  I will not fall asleep on you.  

1.  If I can make funny voices and ridiculous jokes that border on complete cheesy-lameness in your presence, I feel at home with you and you are seeing the real me.  Most people take a while to fully see this side of me.

awesome/awkward round 2

It's a new week, and my friend Katie posted another week's worth of awesome/awkward posts...thus inspiring me to do the same.  Hope your week has been as awesome and awkward as mine!

Awesome: Having your Pastor pray over you, saying that you are a leader and that whoever is in your life will be blessed by you
Awkward: Him saying that he knows that because he reads your tweets, that you can't stop tweeting because you have something to say...all of this publicly (haha, he also knows ME very well, it was just a really funny moment)

Awesome: Driving by the Morro Bay Fire Department and having a handsome fireman wave at you as you drive by
Awkward: Well, I can't think of anything awkward about that.

Awesome: Shopping at Target (always awesome) for a friend's baby shower
Awkward: Finding yourself in front of the baby display with all the cute little ducks on them, and almost crying because you can see your (future) kids wearing the stuff and you wish you knew them...now. Yeah, walked away quickly.

Awesome: Shopping at Target and looking for a sweet leather jacket you've been wanting
Awkward: Trying on the largest size available in the regular section and have it cut off circulation in your arms, then going to the smallest in the plus size section only to be swimming in it. Sigh. Maybe it isn't meant to be.

Awesome: Getting to see my first lightning storm of the year while driving down to have Olive Garden with friends
Awkward: Getting caught squealing in delight every time the sky lit up....by your roommate

Awkward: Getting jury duty during the ONE week your work schedule finally allows you some office time to get caught up on work
Awesome: Showing up to jury duty to find that all of the pending cases for the day took pleas right before we were ready to go before the judge.  We were all released from duty after only an hour.

Awesome: Getting new referrals at work
Awkward: Knowing the family of one of your referrals...and hoping that the whole process goes smoothly, since sometimes it doesn't...

Awesome: Being recognized for your singing/acting abilities
Awkward: Being asked to promote your work's fundraiser because of those abilities...which is 80s themed

Feel free to share some of your moments of the week...I love these because it gives a fun insight into life. 

where were you?

It was only four days before I was going to be taking all my stuff with me and moving up to San Luis Obispo. New town, new school, new friends...new life.  I was so excited thinking that this, this was the answer for all the aching I had inside.  A re-start. 

The phone rang early in the morning.  I could hear my step-brother yelling for my step-mom to turn on the television.  Grandma was on the phone and wanted us to turn on the t.v.  It was about 6:30 in the morning.  Since I was now awake, I was curious.  Was someone we knew on t.v.?  Instead, I turned it on to find the most devastating scene I have ever watched in my life.  Two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center's tallest buildings.  Smoke was pouring out of the buildings.  You could feel the fear as the world realized that we had been attacked.  I remember sitting on the edge of my bed in utter shock and silence. In a short time, more news came in that a third plane had crashed into the Pentagon.  I couldn't move.  My eyes were glued to the t.v. hoping it wasn't true.  I don't remember much except that I couldn't stop watching.  And right before my eyes, the towers fell.  I remember disbelief.  I remember deep, deep sadness.  I remember fear.

Somehow, I managed to get ready for work, which started that day at Target, one of my last days there, at 9am.  Everyone was so quiet.  Work seemed pointless that day, not many people came out to shop.  We had a television set up in the break room so we could watch.  Co-workers expressed concern about not knowing if their loved ones were safe or not.  I didn't personally know anyone in danger, but the impact was hard nevertheless.  I don't remember that evening, except I imagine that I spent it glued to the t.v. eager for answers as to WHY this happened to us.

As the answers came, the satisfaction of knowing never followed.  The last few days with my family were a blur of emotion.  I had a caravan of friends and family on the day I moved up to San Luis Obispo, now a place I lovingly call home.  As my dad and brother left, I read the card my dad wrote and wept.  It was a bittersweet time, that excitement of freedom overshadowed by the tragedy of 9/11/01.  I realized how much my family meant to me, and how that freedom didn't seem to be so worth it anymore.  We all began to put our feet forward as a nation, and still stand strong...but that day will forever mark us.  I know I will never forget. 

awesome/awkward

So, first of all, I have to thank Katie for making her qualifier for being tagged to do this simply the fact that you read hers. (I am a faithful reader of her blog because I love her.) Anyway, she has asked me to post about various moments of my week that have had both an awkward and awesome part to it. Here we go:

Awkward: not remembering whether or not you applied deodorant that day and having to do physical labor at Hearst Castle
Awesome: it being cool enough of a day to not have to worry about it

Awkward: driving down to L.A. to watch a show by yourself
Awesome: that show being NEEDTOBREATHE and Taylor Swift, running into people you know and getting to high five Taylor

Awkward: buying an album you already own, just so you can say hi to the band
Awesome: seeing their faces be as excited to see you as you are to see them, then getting to take a pic with them (which "wasn't allowed") and riding down the elevator with them

Awkward: going to a dinner to possibly meet someone, where you only know like one person
Awesome: meeting a bunch of new and awesome people, and having a great time

Awkward: standing by yourself while your favorite band is sound checking
Awesome: being at the sound check and hearing some sweet new songs

Awkward: being told that "your obsession for needtobreathe is terrifying"
Awesome: being secure enough in yourself to understand that this person has completely misunderstood you, and not letting that change who you are

Awkward: taking money out of the ATM only to realize that doing so may cause the check you just wrote to your roommate to bounce
Awesome: being paid back money owed and being able to deposit that before the check cleared (whew!)

Awkward: trying to use stilts for the first time since you were 12...in front of a bunch of new friends
Awesome: getting it right the first time and basically showing up the guys who had been trying to do it for 20 minutes before you

And finally, this is both awesome and awkward.

It's Ran Jackson from The Daylights and we are pretend sleeping. :)