2010- sinking my teeth in

Every year, God speaks to me about what He wants to do in my life in the upcoming year. This last year, He wanted to renew life and promises in me that He had already spoken, but that I had let go of. And in the year, I went through many circumstances that made me fight to renew my belief. It became a year of me learning to believe again.

It is not surprising that God is continuing down this path for me in 2010. This next year, I am being called to sink my teeth into His promises. Earlier this year, I saw this picture in a store window, and made it my cell phone background, because I knew it was something I needed to be reminded of daily...

I love how this little girl is just biting into the fruit...it is the image that God brought to mind as He showed me the next step I'd be taking. It is one thing to believe in His promises. It is another thing to sink your teeth into them. "O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" Psalm 34:8 I am excited to begin to take hold of what God has been speaking over my life. I know it will be a daily decision, and a daily struggle as God transforms the poverty mindset I have long lived in. But I know I will taste and see that the Lord is good to me. He gave me the verse I quoted in my Christmas post as another encouragement...that I would be blessed if I believe that God will fulfill what He has spoken! Let's go 2010! I am ready. Happy new year, and may you be blessed as you kick off 2010!

never been asked

Flashback to high school. I went to four high school dances, including prom, but I was never asked. Imagine a 17 year old girl wanting to go to prom, and time passes by...no one asking. I ended up asking a sophomore to go with me, just so I could go. For years before this, and even a few years after, I believed that if I wanted to date a guy, I needed to do the pursuing. Otherwise, it would not happen. God began to show me that I needed to change my perspective and learn to be pursued. And it has been a journey...sometimes it feels like it has been a loooooong journey. But I have been waiting.

Why the flashback? Why bring it up now? In two weeks, I get to re-live "prom" thanks to two of my friends who are dating. The guy is re-creating prom for his girlfriend since she has never gone. Because I am a close friend to both, they want me there. Here lies the dilemma. It requires a date. Insert flashback here. Maybe you can even insert some of that horror "ree ree ree ree" music too. Haha. I have been single for ten years. And still have never been asked. I don't have high expectations that I will be asked to this prom by the man of my dreams and be swept away...that would be nice, but honestly, not expected. BUT I would like to be asked. Even if it is just by a friend. The last time I faced this experience was about 5 years ago. I did not get asked. I wanted to go, and so did several of my girl friends. We ended up going as a group, and two of the girls dressed up like guys, but girl-ified. The only saving grace for me that night was that a dear friend, who had asked someone else to go, asked me to dance...not once, but twice. This same friend has built a determination in me not to settle for anyone less than a gentleman.

Truthfully, I don't really even want to go. Why? Because I don't want any guy to feel like he has to take me, and I don't want to go unless I am asked. That's a lot of pressure on a situation...and to me, it just does not feel like it is worth it. I am not sure how it will all pan out, because I want to go and be there with my friends. I just don't want it to end up feeling like high school all over again. One day, I won't have to worry about this. One day, I will have a husband to be my date, and he will have asked me. Until then, I wait...and hope that this all works out.

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Enjoy your family and friends, and remember that Christ is the reason we celebrate! He has changed my life, and at Christmas, we remember that. He came to set us free and give us grace...which I continue to need in an abundance.

I am so thankful for what God has done this year, and look forward to all that next year will bring! Lots of adventure and fulfillment of dreams...

"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord." -Luke 1:45

rough around the edges

I feel like life has been a little rough around the edges lately, and while I know this feeling will most definitely pass, I feel quite consumed by it at the present time. I feel worn, like a weathered book left out in the sun or the rain or both. I feel sad in waves, in the quiet moments of the day. I feel like I am going going going...because work demands it of me. And so I am tired and would rather rest a while. Meanwhile, my heart is crying out to keep going strong...but at the same time, it feels like there is little left to give.

This will pass. I am a mix of emotions from the season, and exhaustion from work I am not used to doing. I spent Tuesday night alone on my couch because I was too tired to move. I was hoping someone would be home, but instead the time passed, and I kept myself distracted. And all the distraction really does is cover up the feeling of being alone. I haven't let myself cry yet...until now. It is as though writing draws it out of me...the sadness that words cannot describe. That does not make a lot of sense, but I guess the process of slowing down just enough to let it spill out is enough.

This time of year is a mixture of strong emotions for me. I love it, and yet at the same time, feel overcome by it. That is what grief does. And in a few days, I will pick myself back up and keep going...a little stronger and a little less burdened.

I know I am loved. I am surrounded by so many people who made it a point to check in on me. And when I feel like no one else in the world understands exactly what I am going through, God reminds me that He knows and He has not forgotten me.

turn the tide

If we look at our lives, we can easily find things to complain about, and often do. Just as easily we can see the good things, it depends on our perspective. This time of year is when we take off the dark lenses we often use year round and try and see things through the rose colored ones. It's time to be thankful, and I would love to keep the lighter lenses on this time around. Let's turn the tide.

Instead of dreading going in to work on Mondays and praying for Fridays to come faster or looking forward to my next vacation, I am thankful I have a job, because many don't. I am glad that I have a job that challenges me and pays a decent wage, because I could be doing something less fulfilling for less pay. When I am overwhelmed by deadlines or circumstances at work, I can take a deep breath and remember that it doesn't last forever.

When I think that it is time for me to move past the "having roommates" stage in my life, I am grateful that when I come home, there is someone around to either laugh or cry with, depending on the day. I could live alone, or have no home at all...but I don't. When I feel like I am desperate to start the next chapter in my life, I can see all that being single has blessed me with...I can still enjoy 8 hours of sleep a night...haha, once I become a mom, that will change!

I am SO blessed. I live in a beautiful home with fun roommates. I have more friends than I deserve. I have a family who loves me. I have a good job where I learn something new everyday. I have an amazing church family who helps me grow in every area of my life. I have lived within 20 minutes of a beach for a majority of my life. I can afford many luxuries that many cannot. And I am rich in my relationship with God, who has given me more second chances and blessings than I could have ever asked for or imagined. I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

complimentary, my dear

Since I have stopped doing my 30 days, I have not really posted...except about Needtobreathe, whom I still love! You will likely hear more in the future, but for now, I will move on to a new topic.

Compliments. I am not always very good at receiving them. I am great at receiving them when I am expecting them...I think most women will relate to this scenario. The days when you wear an outfit you absolutely love and feel confident that you look amazing in. Those are the days when people say things like, "Wow! I love _____! Where did you get that?" I easily smile and say thanks in return, and somewhere deep down I know that I worked hard for that compliment. Haha...it's true, right?

Then there are the days where you manage to get out of the house...you may or may not feel great about the effort you made, and while you may have started out well, the day has brought you to a point where you feel like a "beast". (Someone I know used this term to describe how she sometimes feels...I think it fits.) It is in these moments where I am completely caught off guard by the nice words people have, and come up with a really lame response, because in this moment, I truly don't believe it is true about myself. I did this a while back with a friend who simply told me I looked really nice. I think I managed to say something like, "Yeah, this is just something I wore to work today..." I am not even sure I thanked him! Horrible! Not only is this insulting to myself because I don't believe it, but also to the giver for blowing off such a sweet compliment. These types of days are when we need to receive these compliments the MOST. In fact, sometimes the timing of them have made me want to cry.

The important part about a compliment, a real genuine one, is that we need to receive it graciously and with open arms. If we ward them off, the negative things take over, and it takes so much longer to overcome them! Plus, these friends who love us enough to bless us with their words may be hesitant to do so in the future if we cast down their attempts. (If the person I sadly blew off ever reads this, I am sorry!) This is a dare to those who fumble when given a compliment...for the next few weeks, even if you don't feel like it, look that person in the eyes, smile and say "thanks." Then let their words sink in. We need to be collectors of blessings. I am going to do this as well.

had to share...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fxvxn7wwrA&NR=1

I found this link for an acoustic set of "Stones under Rushing Water" by Needtobreathe, and it is amazing. They played it at the show, and I tried to record it, but it was too loud...my poor camera could not handle the instruments. The only part that was clear was the pure vocals at the end when they do a part acapella. I love love love it! Joe's baritone rounds out the sound beautifully. Anyway, I wanted to share it, because I am convinced that if people heard them, they'd be instant fans as well. And these guys deserve it. :) And yes, I am slightly obsessed.