Okay. I am sitting on my bed with my ankle being iced because I had an issue with walking the other day. It doesn't really hurt a lot, it is just stiff and weak. I was thinking of a title for this blog, and randomly "multipass" came to mind. I don't even remember the title of the movie that is from, but it involves an orange haired woman and Bruce Willis, and at one point she is eating chicken, and says, "Chicken, yum." So I laughed to myself as I started this blog.
I got to hang out with my favorite little buddy tonight, an adorable eight month old boy (maybe nine months now). He was so tired that he was giggling from his gut, the best kind of laughter ever, especially coming from him. One of my friends was hiding behind a blanket and playing peek-a-boo, and that was it, pure joy. I am praying for that kind of childlike, pure joy to return to my life. It's coming.
I am mostly moved into my new place. I love it! I feel like I live in a model home. I am so blessed. I have a real bathtub. I have even used it once. Really, I just know that God is going to help me grow as I live in this new environment.
I cried tonight in my kitchen while eating a bite of ice cream. I realized that I felt like I deserved being called out for my "hiding" (as I can best describe it). I was with my Pastor tonight while watching kids, and he just loved me and served me. He gave me half of his cookie and gave me my water when I had a sleeping baby in my arms. He made sure I was comfortable. When I got home and realized that I had expected something different, I cried. God is that way. When you feel like you deserve the worst, He hugs you and loves you. He reminded me of that tonight. God loves me no matter what, for who He created me to be.
I also watched Cinderella tonight. I am hoping that my prince is coming soon too.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
already june
Lots of stuff going on in June! Birthdays, graduations, and I am moving! Yes, t-minus 9 days until I have to have my room cleaned out for inspection. Then it is bunking it with the girls at my current house for 3 days after that before I can move into my new place. I am going to be sharing a room for the first time in three years, and although that is going to be odd, I think it is for the best. My sleeping habits have been weird, and I know that the presence of another person in the room will keep me from snoozing...at least long enough to break the cycle and form a new habit. It is the perfect timing. I am hoping it will help me get up for prayer meetings more often. I regret that my inability to go to sleep early enough has kept me from being consistent. I realize, however, that I must make the decision to get up in the morning, and I have not done a good job of doing that. My new roomie is going to be Stacy...see picture below. I am so excited!!! I could live with my current roomies forever, but I know God wants me to branch out before I eventually meet my perma-roomie (aka my husband...which I am always praying will come sooner than later! hahaha). Stacy will be a lot of fun to live with, and I know God wants to do something amazing with us living together. I can't wait!
For those of you who actually read this, pray for me and my work situation. I am having to deal with A LOT of open shifts in the next month or so, and I am getting stressed about it. It is starting to look a little better, but what it all means is that I may have to change my schedule around to work some of the shifts and to train the new people we do end up hiring. There is a lot of work ahead no matter what, and I would like to be able to not get behind or worry too much. I love my job but seriously, open shifts are pretty much my least favorite thing to deal with! Especially when there are 60+ in the next month! Eek! I am trying to take it one day at a time at this point.
June, June. That means that July is coming up next...and you know what that means? Fireworks? Yes, but also my birthday! I am going to be 26 years old. Wow. I don't feel 26 years old most of the time. I also used to think that people who were 26 were sooo old! I am not old, and I am not where I thought I would be at 26. But I cannot complain. I have a lot of positive things in my life that I did not expect either, so I am blessed.
Well, I will sign off for now. I should go eat dinner. Yum...
For those of you who actually read this, pray for me and my work situation. I am having to deal with A LOT of open shifts in the next month or so, and I am getting stressed about it. It is starting to look a little better, but what it all means is that I may have to change my schedule around to work some of the shifts and to train the new people we do end up hiring. There is a lot of work ahead no matter what, and I would like to be able to not get behind or worry too much. I love my job but seriously, open shifts are pretty much my least favorite thing to deal with! Especially when there are 60+ in the next month! Eek! I am trying to take it one day at a time at this point.
June, June. That means that July is coming up next...and you know what that means? Fireworks? Yes, but also my birthday! I am going to be 26 years old. Wow. I don't feel 26 years old most of the time. I also used to think that people who were 26 were sooo old! I am not old, and I am not where I thought I would be at 26. But I cannot complain. I have a lot of positive things in my life that I did not expect either, so I am blessed.
Well, I will sign off for now. I should go eat dinner. Yum...
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Mother's Day
I find myself to be a bit in a funk these days, and definitely missing my mom. I went a while without tears, and then at the idea of a holiday, my tears come back as though they never left, the pain fresh again. This time last year, I was making a card for my mom. In it, it stated that I dreamed of her watching me walk down the aisle and kissing her grandchildren. At that time, I truly desired for that time to come, so she could experience that blessing. Part of me knew that of all the important events in my life, those were the ones she wouldn't miss. And here I am, knowing that she won't have that chance. She missed so many birthdays and graduations, prom, so much of my life. I know today that if she could have gone back, she would not have moved to Nevada. She always wanted to come back, but never could.
Funny thing is that my mom was not an active part of my life, but my heart always ached for her. No matter what, I loved her. No matter what she said or did, I wanted her to be a part of my life. I wanted her to be at those events, but she never made it. And she is not going to make it now. This year I am not scrambling to make this Mother's Day special. This year I won't hear her voice on the other line. I sometimes forget that she's gone and think that I need to call her. It comes back, usually with a picture of her in the hospice bed- the reality that she's gone. This is the first milestone since she died, and I have found myself crying the past three days. It is only May 1st! I thank God that He is with me, mourning with me, and loving me through this time. Because I miss her, even the simple conversations we would have.
Happy Mother's Day, mom.
Funny thing is that my mom was not an active part of my life, but my heart always ached for her. No matter what, I loved her. No matter what she said or did, I wanted her to be a part of my life. I wanted her to be at those events, but she never made it. And she is not going to make it now. This year I am not scrambling to make this Mother's Day special. This year I won't hear her voice on the other line. I sometimes forget that she's gone and think that I need to call her. It comes back, usually with a picture of her in the hospice bed- the reality that she's gone. This is the first milestone since she died, and I have found myself crying the past three days. It is only May 1st! I thank God that He is with me, mourning with me, and loving me through this time. Because I miss her, even the simple conversations we would have.
Happy Mother's Day, mom.
slow rate of blogging
I just noticed that I go about a month in between blogs! Crazy. I will make up for it tonight. After the excitement of graduation (what an honor that night was), I geared up for several fun-filled events. First was Party in the Park, and I am sad to say I do not have pictures. I was the balloon animal lady! Well, one of them. :) There were kids lined up, even when it began to rain. Let me tell you, it is not easy making a flower in the rain! The balloons were not happy with the weather, but the kids had fun, and not too many popped.
That same weekend, my dear friend Kristin came for a visit. We took some silly pictures and enjoyed each other's company. I miss her. She lives in Washington now. I keep telling her to come home. Maybe one day God will tell her too. Here are some of our silly pics:
What can I say? Aren't we cute?
Next fun event was this past weekend, when our church invited a ton of people for a free banquet. I loved serving food to people and hear all the wonderful words of thanks. We just wanted to bless people and invite those who wanted to become a part of our family. I think we accomplished just that.
In two weeks, we are doing an event called The Invitation. I am so excited. We have invited Leeland to come and play, and we are inviting people to come and hear the gospel. Pretty simple with a big heart behind it. I can't wait. I hope we overflow the PAC, and that many give their lives to Jesus as a result. My biggest prayer besides that, is that those I invite come. The last two events, my friends have missed a mighty blessing, and I don't want them to miss this. May 15th 6pm. If you are in SLO that night, you should come!!!
That same weekend, my dear friend Kristin came for a visit. We took some silly pictures and enjoyed each other's company. I miss her. She lives in Washington now. I keep telling her to come home. Maybe one day God will tell her too. Here are some of our silly pics:
What can I say? Aren't we cute?
Next fun event was this past weekend, when our church invited a ton of people for a free banquet. I loved serving food to people and hear all the wonderful words of thanks. We just wanted to bless people and invite those who wanted to become a part of our family. I think we accomplished just that.
In two weeks, we are doing an event called The Invitation. I am so excited. We have invited Leeland to come and play, and we are inviting people to come and hear the gospel. Pretty simple with a big heart behind it. I can't wait. I hope we overflow the PAC, and that many give their lives to Jesus as a result. My biggest prayer besides that, is that those I invite come. The last two events, my friends have missed a mighty blessing, and I don't want them to miss this. May 15th 6pm. If you are in SLO that night, you should come!!!
graduation pictures!
Me and Stacy dancing (also known as squishy and beans...believe it or not, I am not squishy! I am beans, derived from Beena, because it rhymes.)
I have gorgeous friends --->
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Brief update
I am on a lunch break at work, though I am not eating lunch (long story but to sum up, I am in Atascadero because of a "sick" client and my lunch is in Morro Bay). Sad, I know. I am hungry. But that is not why I write. There are a lot of good things happening in my life...I am kept quite busy! I have picked up my old habit of reading, and have read like 12-13 books since the beginning of the year! I am currently reading "Real Christianity" by William Wilberforce (the movie Amazing Grace was based on his life). I am being worked by this book! It talks about how Christians (today, although this was written in the late 1700s) do not know how to back up their faith because they do not read the Word, but rather hide behind a lifestyle loosely based on Christian morality. It goes on to talk about how that affects society, and I am only starting the 2nd chapter...ouch. It is so true. And this morning I was listening to Focus on the Family, and the speaker was talking about how nice people do go to hell...works do not get us to heaven. It is only by the grace of God, which we receive through repentance and a relationship with Him. Oooh.
Tonight I am graduating from "School of Leaders", which ultimately comes down to the fact that I am committing to do the works of Christ in my life and to a life dedicated to Him. It is going to be a fancy dinner and event, a wonderful time of celebration of what God is doing in our lives. If I take any pictures, I'll post them. I am also trying to launch a women's group. I had invited co-workers to a free lunch, to which no one showed, but I know God is giving me the faith to believe that I am meant to lead women to Christ. This is not because of me, it is not about me. It is because I am God's workmanship, created to do the works of God, which He has prepared in advance for me to do, that I would walk in them (Ephesians 2:9 summed up). These works are to spread His gospel, and bring people to Christ, particularly women. It is such a blessing to share God with willing souls. My struggle has been to overcome the fear and doubt that holds me back. I keep persevering though, and God willing, will see friends and family come to know Christ in a powerful way.
In work news, I am almost caught up on paperwork! You have no idea what a burden this has been over the past six months. I had a lot of circumstances come up that took a lot of my attention, and I am grateful that things are smoothing out. If you want to know more about what I do, here is the link: www.optionsfs.org -I think if you look hard enough you might find a picture of me! I really do enjoy my job and the people I work with.
Well, lunch time is over, and so ends my update. I will hopefully get to eat my lunch around 2:30!
Tonight I am graduating from "School of Leaders", which ultimately comes down to the fact that I am committing to do the works of Christ in my life and to a life dedicated to Him. It is going to be a fancy dinner and event, a wonderful time of celebration of what God is doing in our lives. If I take any pictures, I'll post them. I am also trying to launch a women's group. I had invited co-workers to a free lunch, to which no one showed, but I know God is giving me the faith to believe that I am meant to lead women to Christ. This is not because of me, it is not about me. It is because I am God's workmanship, created to do the works of God, which He has prepared in advance for me to do, that I would walk in them (Ephesians 2:9 summed up). These works are to spread His gospel, and bring people to Christ, particularly women. It is such a blessing to share God with willing souls. My struggle has been to overcome the fear and doubt that holds me back. I keep persevering though, and God willing, will see friends and family come to know Christ in a powerful way.
In work news, I am almost caught up on paperwork! You have no idea what a burden this has been over the past six months. I had a lot of circumstances come up that took a lot of my attention, and I am grateful that things are smoothing out. If you want to know more about what I do, here is the link: www.optionsfs.org -I think if you look hard enough you might find a picture of me! I really do enjoy my job and the people I work with.
Well, lunch time is over, and so ends my update. I will hopefully get to eat my lunch around 2:30!
Friday, March 2, 2007
Beautiful woman, life much like the worn pages of a classic book, Taking one step at a time, giving away what she could. A woman who loved so much that she did not always know how to express it, Sorrows so deep, no person could reach. Decisions made over time leading to regret and memories so sweet, laughter overflows. She loved writing, crafts, drawing- expressions of all she contained. She enjoyed the outdoors, barbequing, Nascar, football, and crime drama. She loved her two children, gifts in her eyes. Her heart broke a thousand times when she left them behind. I look like her, sometimes sound like her. I belong to her, and she is a part of me. No longer here, this beautiful woman. My hope is that she is at home, full of peace and free from pain. I miss her, and in a way, I missed her long before she was gone.
I love you, mom. Thank you for your love.
November 23, 1956 - December 15, 2006
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