Brief update

I am on a lunch break at work, though I am not eating lunch (long story but to sum up, I am in Atascadero because of a "sick" client and my lunch is in Morro Bay). Sad, I know. I am hungry. But that is not why I write. There are a lot of good things happening in my life...I am kept quite busy! I have picked up my old habit of reading, and have read like 12-13 books since the beginning of the year! I am currently reading "Real Christianity" by William Wilberforce (the movie Amazing Grace was based on his life). I am being worked by this book! It talks about how Christians (today, although this was written in the late 1700s) do not know how to back up their faith because they do not read the Word, but rather hide behind a lifestyle loosely based on Christian morality. It goes on to talk about how that affects society, and I am only starting the 2nd chapter...ouch. It is so true. And this morning I was listening to Focus on the Family, and the speaker was talking about how nice people do go to hell...works do not get us to heaven. It is only by the grace of God, which we receive through repentance and a relationship with Him. Oooh.

Tonight I am graduating from "School of Leaders", which ultimately comes down to the fact that I am committing to do the works of Christ in my life and to a life dedicated to Him. It is going to be a fancy dinner and event, a wonderful time of celebration of what God is doing in our lives. If I take any pictures, I'll post them. I am also trying to launch a women's group. I had invited co-workers to a free lunch, to which no one showed, but I know God is giving me the faith to believe that I am meant to lead women to Christ. This is not because of me, it is not about me. It is because I am God's workmanship, created to do the works of God, which He has prepared in advance for me to do, that I would walk in them (Ephesians 2:9 summed up). These works are to spread His gospel, and bring people to Christ, particularly women. It is such a blessing to share God with willing souls. My struggle has been to overcome the fear and doubt that holds me back. I keep persevering though, and God willing, will see friends and family come to know Christ in a powerful way.

In work news, I am almost caught up on paperwork! You have no idea what a burden this has been over the past six months. I had a lot of circumstances come up that took a lot of my attention, and I am grateful that things are smoothing out. If you want to know more about what I do, here is the link: www.optionsfs.org -I think if you look hard enough you might find a picture of me! I really do enjoy my job and the people I work with.

Well, lunch time is over, and so ends my update. I will hopefully get to eat my lunch around 2:30!

Beautiful woman, life much like the worn pages of a classic book, Taking one step at a time, giving away what she could. A woman who loved so much that she did not always know how to express it, Sorrows so deep, no person could reach. Decisions made over time leading to regret and memories so sweet, laughter overflows. She loved writing, crafts, drawing- expressions of all she contained. She enjoyed the outdoors, barbequing, Nascar, football, and crime drama. She loved her two children, gifts in her eyes. Her heart broke a thousand times when she left them behind. I look like her, sometimes sound like her. I belong to her, and she is a part of me. No longer here, this beautiful woman. My hope is that she is at home, full of peace and free from pain. I miss her, and in a way, I missed her long before she was gone.

I love you, mom. Thank you for your love.

November 23, 1956 - December 15, 2006

disco funk

I cut my hair off! The cut is called "the disco" 'cause as my awesome hairstylist, Harmony, says "it's disco-nnected!" Ha ha ha. :) I like it, and so do most people who have taken a gander at it. Shocking to some, though, and that is OK. I am becoming more myself these days, if you know what I mean...I used to have simple haircuts, and simple style. It wasn't me, but I didn't feel comfortable standing out. But I have been set free by my Jesus, and here I am, sporting the "disco". Standing out a little more. It's fun. It's even more fun being free...

rainy days

This is what my roommates and I do on rainy days. We come up with games...this time we got all of our exercise balls and made up gladiator type games. Why? Because we could. We played "smashball" which consisted of us holding our balls and smashing into one another. We threw the balls at each other to see if we could catch them. Then my roomies came up with the ultimate game..."ball surfing". Aw yeah. I don't know if the video link will work BUT if it does, it is of my friend William, trying out our game. It is so cool, you know you will want to do it! The pic below is us pretending to be superheroes or flying or something that just looks really cool. Come on, it was raining ALL day. You know you would do the same, or something just as ridiculously FUN.

Father

This Sunday, a visiting pastor told us about how he has felt a burden for years, that he feels the need to tackle the big issues on his own. I sat listening, and completely understanding where he was coming from. He went on to say that God showed him that when he was eight, his grandpa died and his dad told him to go out and play after breaking the news. He felt all alone to handle his grief, and began that pattern for the rest of his life, not knowing he had Someone to help carry his burden. My story is similar, except that my burden was my parents' divorce and all that followed. My dad was devastated, and did not know how to comfort me through that time. My mom moved to another state within a year of leaving my dad. I had made the decision that I needed to handle it all on my own. And I have done just that since. Funny thing is that what the pastor and myself did not know was that God has always been there, ready to help carry our loads. Our Father, who never leaves us or forsakes us, is here, and we just have to come to Him. He is not like our earthly fathers, who are not perfect no matter how hard they try. He knows our heartaches, and our dreams. And He waits for us to come and ask for His help. When we do, it is amazing at what He does..."more than we ask or imagine".

Dreaming

I wrote this a while back, but I wanted to share...

Have you ever dreamt a dream so big that you know you could not do it on your own? One that is impossible by the world’s standards? I have lived my life running from those kinds of dreams because I have collected a list of excuses that boil down to fear and shame. I have distracted my mind with mindless daydreams, afraid to risk a dream bigger than myself, surrounding myself with the comfort of not facing reality. I have hidden behind a wall because circumstances have told me that I could never…and I have kept my mouth shut because my worth had been given up on. I told myself I lost faith in love, I lived just out of reach, and I was invisible. I have looked down because I felt the weight of what I deserved and could not look past it. And then Jesus came. He took my hands in his, let me touch his scars, kissed my face, and loved me, just as I am. He showed me that everything that has bound me or held me back has been cast off. He paid the price to set me free. The guilt offering has been made, and I owe nothing. And He’s daring me to dream again. He’s whispering my purpose, one that had been locked up for fear of disappointment. He calls me to come, follow Him. More than that, He is calling me to believe in the same dream as my ancestor Abraham. To be a mother of nations, part of a redemptive plan that God Himself orchestrated through generations and lays in my hands. Do I dare to count the stars and believe? Do I dare to stand in my faith and let Him dream with me? Or do I discard it all because I cannot control the outcome or the means to get there? Tonight I finally felt permission to dream again as I have been shedding layers of excuses and pain. To be a part of something greater than myself leaves me with nothing but an open heart and tears of joy. Tonight I got a hold of a small part of a great vision of God’s heart for people…I have been reading about the laws of Moses’ time, when the people were instructed to take care of each other and not allow others among them to become poor. I saw this city full of people serving Jesus and each other, giving whatever was needed to make provision. Poverty does not exist because each person gives what is needed. Everything is closed on Sundays because no one should work. Salvation has changed this town. I believe it is coming. I truly do. The Holy Spirit is preparing a mighty plan that I am a part of, and my heart is awakening. I am beginning to believe in love again, and that I am meant to be caught up in a great romance. It begins with Jesus, and will include a multitude of souls embraced by the most powerful love ever imagined. My dreams of a husband and children will be a small part of the multitude, but I know that God has created my heart to love so many more people than my little family. I am on the edge of a crazy leap, but I have the best odds for success because I have Jesus leading the way. I dream of salvation, starting with me. Salvation so contagious that I lead a multitude into heaven when my time here is finally ended. I dream of change so big it causes a revolution. And I believe it can be done, not by my works, but by the grace of One far greater than myself.

Year of Restoration

2007 is my year of Restoration. Every year has should have a name, as it states what the year holds for you. Mine is restoration. What does that mean? I am not sure yet. So far, it means that God is restoring to me what has been lost...which includes my dreams, my hope for success and love, and even my childhood best friend. Last week, I got in touch with Jami, a friend who had been attached to my hip, and had disappeared from my life about six years ago. I am amazed at what God has done in both her life and mine, and how faithful He has been to both of us. There is much more to this year than what has just begun, and I look forward to all it has in store for me. What is your name for 2007?