It was twelve years ago that I was on the cusp of starting my last relationship. It ended just a few months later. Little did I know at the time that God was going to put me on the dating sidelines...for twelve years.
most of those years, especially the earlier ones, I am so grateful He
did. The “relationships” I had been in were not ones worthy of really
remembering...let alone desiring repeats of. They weren’t
terrible...but the truth is, if I had it to do all over again, I
would’ve just waited.
halfway through this waiting period, God showed me a little bit of why
He was having me wait. I had just had my heart broken in a friendship
where I was misled, and after bringing some healing, God asked me to
write a list of traits I wanted in a husband. What amazed me was that
there were things on my list that the guy I was getting over didn’t
have. We’re not talking unreachable, high expectations...a list of
things that no guy could ever achieve. Real things. Things that were
important to me.
In the last few years, I’ve gotten to know who I am.
I am pretty confident in who God has made me to be, even though there
are still lots of pieces to the puzzle for me to figure out and put
together. God knew it would take twelve years...and possibly more.
had more than a fair share of arguments with God about His
timing...particularly in this area. I had a plan...and that plan was
that I would meet Mr. Right in college, graduate, and get married. I
would start having kids at age 25. I think one of the hardest parts of
letting go of that plan was the realization that when I lost my mom to
cancer at age 25, I knew she would not know my husband or kids. That
was a tough one to swallow. I like plans. And I especially like when
they work out. There is a certain security in that. Instead, those
plans are in the wind and I have no idea where the master plan is
of me is afraid. Afraid that I won’t know what to do when pursuit
begins. Afraid that it might not happen. Afraid that I don’t know how
to have a real relationship. I’ve gotten really good at being a friend.
I don’t remember what it’s like to be anything more.
got me on the sidelines. But I also know He’s the kind of coach that
knows when it is time to put me in the game. I have to trust in His
training so that when the moment comes, I’ll be ready. I’ll be able to
say, “Put me in coach.”
(I think all this came up because I read Ruth today. It was the next part of my reading plan. Go figure.)